


A Love To Remember (Discontinued)

by AiLaikHeda_OnMyBeda



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Clexa, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, HSAU, Nerdy Lexa, Popular Clarke, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, Varsity Clarke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2018-12-30 02:28:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 59,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12098688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AiLaikHeda_OnMyBeda/pseuds/AiLaikHeda_OnMyBeda
Summary: This is my second AU I'm working on. My current AU is Please Don't Go, however I have had inspiration for doing this. I intend this to be a two series, multi-chapter work which focuses on Lexa starting her senior year. I don't want to reveal too much, but I certainly haven't seen this kind of story before, maybe I just haven't looked that hard?But the main idea of this is to see Lexa as the shy, quiet and stand off character that we usually see Clarke as, whereas Clarke is the dominant and confident character that Lexa is usually portrayed as. Of course this will only really continue depending on who likes it, but here it is. Also - I haven't mentioned all the characters which will make an appearance, only the main characters. Hope you enjoy! And the the next chapter should be posted within a few days!





	1. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Figured I should update this as discontinued. This fiction was one of my first ever written and my writing has evolved ten fold since this. To those who are coming along this just now (for some reason my older fictions have been resurfacing again), I apologise if you’ve enjoyed the few chapters I have posted, because this fiction is at its end.
> 
> I considered deleting this but I think it goes to show how much my writing has changed. It’s incredibly hard to please such a massive and opinionated fan base as a fan fiction writer, partly why I transitioned into Supercorp writing. There is less hostility and people are genuinely more accepting in that fandom than in the Clexa fandom. Obviously I didn’t just stop this one day over critical comments, but rather someone telling me I was either physically abusive or had been physically abused and should seek help. You know who you are and you’re a really crappy human being. The shame is still strong.
> 
> Apologies in advance to anyone who finds this and actually enjoys this as some people have, but this fiction will not be continued

Today was a day like any other. Today was the day which signified the first day in the last year of school for millions of students across the country. Senior year. Except, this wasn't like every other day. No, not for Lexa Woodsen. Today was a completely different day than any other day in her entire life. While it was the first day of her "senior" year, it was also her first day in the confines of school, ever.

For the last 17 years of Lexa's life, her parents had been in a continuous and never ending up and go momentum, but that was what came with being the daughter of two parents who worked in the forces. It's not that Lexa was never taught or educated as such, it's just she never went to "school". Lexa never engaged with children her own age in a normal high school capacity, heck! The girl had never even been in a relationship. But this year was different. Her parents had been permanently stationed in Florida for at least up into the following year. This gave Lexa an opportunity to plant her roots, to build the friendships and relationships she lacked for years of her life. But most of all it gave her the opportunity to be a "normal" high school student.

Lexa would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous. She had no friends, at least not here, she knew no one, had no roots and no experience at all. Everything about her upcoming situation was completely unfamiliar and it petrified her. Lexa was used to being familiar with things and knowing what's up. But right now she had zero god damn clue and it frustrated her as much as it scared her. She was not in control.

The past weeks she spent crawling the web about how to approach the first day of highschool and what highschool is actually like, however all the posts she read had failed to consider that someone such as herself had never officially been to high school up until senior year. It was a completely different dynamic to the children leaving middle school. However the posts were somewhat comforting, and Lexa found solace in the fact that she had been able to strike up a temporary conversation online with a boy who had been in a similar situation to her.

The other thing Lexa had researched the past few weeks was the school she'd be attending, Arkadia High. The school was notorious for its sports, academic achievers and arts programs. Lexa had to admit it was quite a prestigious school, public or not public It certainly surpassed many of the private academies her parents had been looking at.

So there she was, up bright and early at 5:00am on a Monday morning, no thanks to her parents influences. The first bell for school was still four hours away, and the school was only a twenty minute drive from her residence. Lexa calculated that she would need thirty minutes to prepare her omelette breakfast and another ten minutes to eat it. This left Lexa with three hours. She further calculated that she would need another thirty minutes to bath and clean herself, twenty minutes to gather her things and pack her bag, then the final two hours and ten minutes to decide what to wear.

Ah yes. Possibly the most difficult question of the day, and arguably the most difficult question to ask a woman. Lexa was by all means an intelligent and studious young woman, however being home schooled she never quite needed to worry about her clothing preferences. There was also the case of her younger sister, Tris. While Lexa would indeed need a precious and obsurdly long amount of time to select the outfit which could potentially be her undoing, she also had the responsibility to help her younger sister Tris who was starting her freshman year.

What to wear? What to wear? It was in times like this that Lexa's inner child surfaced and she wished for a fairy god mother to bibbity bobbity boop her into a commendable outfit. Lexa wasn't trying to impress anyone. Well that was a lie. She wanted to impress everyone she met and wanted to make a statement. While she was an awfully shy and quiet girl, Lexa Woodsen could sure alright make a statement with a single narrow of her eyes. She was a modest girl but contradictorily she was shy, more than that though she yearned for a friend. All the research she had done prior to this day, and even the friendly boy online had told her to make a statement. To make sure she'd be remembered. So the girl did just that, at least she tried to.

After spending an hour trying to help Tris on an outfit, and a further hour herself, Lexa had thirty minutes to spare before beginning possibly the most nerve wracking day of her existence.

_Okay senior year, let's do this._

* * *

 The feeling was overwhelming, but it was ecstasy aswell. Students were deboarding the buses, being dropped off by their parents, throwing footballs on the grassy expanse of the lawn along the front of the school. It looked like a movie and Lexa had to blink a few times to make sure it was real. It was everything she ever wanted, everything she needed and the feelings coursing through her veins were of those she didn't think she had ever felt.

The bell rang. _The bell rang_. A sound which Lexa had never heard before. This only cemented in the back of her mind that all of this was in fact real. She scurried off to the principals office as fast as she could. She couldn't be late on her first day.

Lexa had heard some things about Principle Kane from her parents. He was kind and a gentle man, however he enforced his rules and student safety like nothing on earth. The man was dedicated to his job and hard working. Lexa had to admire these qualities. Upon reaching Kane's door, Lexa needn't had to knock before a warm masculine voice slithered through from the other side.

"Come in Miss Woodsen".

This was it. This was it for real. Lexa's pulse had spiked and she practically hyperventilating.

 _Okay. You've got this. Don't mess this up_.

Lexa opened the door cautiously and slowly and was met with a broad, warming smile across the mans face.

"Please Miss Woodsen, take a seat" Kane gestured as Lexa pulled a chair.

"How are you this morning? Excited?"

"Umm... I guess. Excited and nervous" Lexa mumbled.

"I wouldn't expect anything else Miss Woodsen. I understand this must be a tremendous change for you. I want you to know that myself and the rest of the faculty are here to support you in every capacity"

Lexa hadn't thought she'd heard so much sincereity in her life. Sure her parents were sincere, but strict as anything. It felt strange but awfully satisfying coming from the Principle.

"Thankyou sir".

The conversation with Principle Kane was short and sweet. Soon enough Lexa was sent on her way with a mass of brochures and pamphlets about all the sports, extra curricular activities and subject guides. She had also been given a map which she discarded immediately. Obviously not the wisest decision but who in their right mind carries a map in high school. That was social suicide and against everything Lexa had read.

Her first class of the day was in homeroom SR4. It wasn't exactly a class, it was more of a pre-class class where students went for the first twenty minutes of their day everyday. Lexa could hear the shouts and laughter coming from the room as she approached it. This was her time to make a statement. This was her time to make _the_ statement. She had selected her outfit so carefully, comprising of tight fitted black leggings, a loose white singlet and a red and black checkered flannel around her waist. Her hair was in a intricacy of braids down her back and her makeup complementary.

She opened the door and the laughing stopped abruptly. All eyes were on her. Lexa felt intimidated and immediately shrunk in her shoes. She was scanning the room before her, looking for a sign of any friendly inviting face to sit next to. A boy towards the front leant back on his chair revealing golden. Nothing but golden. Then the girl turned and all Lexa saw was blue. A sea of cerulean swamped her vision.

"Is-is-is this room SR4?" Lexa stuttered, gripping the door handle like a lifeline.

Her eyes never left the blonde girl at the front. She was exquisite. How could one not stare. How could one not try to memorise every little perfect detail of her face. Lexa wanted nothing than to sit down near the blonde but the varsity jacket she wore said otherwise. This meant that the girl was popular and completely off limits for new kids like her, so her reading told her.

"Where did you come from?" A random student called over the sea of eyes.

"More like where did her outfit come from. Salvos." A boy down the front snarked.

The group of kids surrounding him, aswell as the blonde Lexa was previously admiring erupted into laughter. If Lexa wasn't so damn embarrassed and caught off guard, she might of actually appreciated the blondes laugh. But there goes that train. And there goes the statement she spent two hours working on. Lexa awkwardly took a seat at the very back corner of the room and plugged her ear phones in. The familiar sound of Way Down We Go by Kaleo filled her ears. It was almost fitting. This was not how her first day was meant to begin.

* * *

 "Clarke! Make sure you have your books for today"

_"Yes mum"_

"Clarke! Make sure you also have your clothes for practice"

_"Yes mum"_

"Clarke! Don't forget your keys"

_"Rightio mum"_

"And Clarke?"

"WHAT?!" Clarke boomed with frustration as she bounded down the stairs.

"I love you"

"I love you too mum" Clarke mumbled as her mother pulled her in for a hug.

"Abby, enough dear, you're embarrassing her" Jake chuckled.

"Who's here to embarrass her with?" Abby said with faux concern before yanking Clarke into a deeper hug.

"Eww- yeah right nausea" Clarke pulled away from her mother.

God knew that Clarke Griffin loved her family, but sometimes her mum.. there just aren't the words to explain, but cringe should do the trick. She planted a quick kiss on her fathers head before racing out of the house. This was it. The first day in her last year of school ever. Clarke was psyched. She had the grades, the friends, the car and the looks. Yes, Clarke Griffin was not at all modest. She knew how she looked and knew the effect she had on people, so she used it to the best and worst of her ability.

The first day was like any other day. Clarke's mates were hanging around waiting by the Blake's SUV for the last in their group, her.

"Look who finally decided to show up" the smaller girl, Octavia sassed.

"Hey princess" Octavia's twin brother Bellamy leaned in to kiss Clarke's cheek.

"Hey Bell. Ugh I was debating not to come. I'm so over school" Clarke grumbled as she made her rounds hugging her friends.

"You wanna know who's not?" Murphy snarked. "That girl" he pointed off to a taller brunette in the distance.

The group turned to where he was pointing to see a girl scurry inside as the bell went. The group started laughing.

"Who's is she?" Clarke asked.

"She's the new girl. Been homeschooled her entire life and apparently this is her first day at school" Raven piped up as she made her way over to the group.

"Excuse me! Students!" A voice boomed over the top of their conversation. "The bell went a few minutes ago so you better hurry up and get inside".

The group reluctantly made their way inside, grumbling on the way. They eventually split to go to their respective home rooms. Lucky for Clarke, most of her friends were in the home room with her. They had also shared most of her classes, apart from art class with them all. At least she always had her friends with her.

Home room was out of control. The testosterone radiating from the football players was enough to suffocate someone. But the class always seemed to settle down a bit upon Clarke's entrance, just the way she liked it.

"Griffin! Griff! Why don't you come sit on my lap" Finn, one of the football players yelled.

"Get over yourself Finn" Raven sassed back for Clarke.

"Come on Clarke! Give me another chance, I could make you happy" Finn jokingly pleaded.

"Why? Are you leaving" Clarke smirked, which Finn returned eagerly.

"Please just one date. We can see a movie?"

"I've already seen it" Clarke shut him down again.

To anyone Clarke didn't know, it would seem like a complete and utter rejection, however Clarke quite liked her banter with Finn. Sure they did date in junior year for a bit and nothing much came of it, but it didn't mean they weren't friends. The class settled down slightly as the minutes ticked by, and Clarke was enjoying her reunion with her friends until the door swung open.

After a couple seconds of taking in the girl, Clarke recognised her as the same girl Murphy pointed out, the new girl who'd been homeschool her whole life. There she stood on the other side of the threshold looking slightly intimidated. The girl opened her mouth and spoke but all Clarke was focusing on was the girls alluring green eyes. Clarke found herself getting deeper and deeper into her gaze until beside her, Murphy snarked a comment. She started laughing with friends, however more so at the awkwardness she felt for practically staring at the girl. Who was she? A no one. Clarke didn't care for no ones. She turned back round focusing on her friends, the brunette completely wiped from her thoughts.

* * *

Lexa's first day of high school had not at all gone as she hoped. By fifth period she had been laughed at four times, tripped in the halls twice, sat alone on the bleachers for lunch and even had football thrown at her. The football however was a complete accident. By fifth period Lexa was exhausted and shattered, it was the most horrible day of her life, but she sucked it up. Her fifth period class was AP chem with Mrs Hu. Lexa had inevitably shown up ten minutes late to the class since throwing out her map. Mrs Hu didn't yell or glare, she simply smiled and instructed Lexa on where to sit.

She kept her head down and shuffled half way up the room before taking her seat at one of the benches. She looked across to see who her partner was but all she saw was blue. Blue blue blue. The beautiful girl from the beginning of the day, except she had a halo around her head now, maybe she was an angel after all. Okay, no. That wasn't true. She was just seated infront of a window where the sun shone in. Lexa eyed the blonde and turned away quickly before her blush set in.

The class was an introductory class, so no explosions were done today, much to the disappointment of the chatty Latina girl a row behind Lexa. The class dribbled on slowly and Lexa found herself constantly sneaking a look over towards the blonde. Not once did the blonde look over. Instead she had her head in her book and was sketching something. Lexa couldn't quite tell what it was but she could only imagine it was something extraordinary, considering how focused the blonde was, and the way her tongue lightly poked out the corner of her mouth.

Before she knew it, the class was over. Lexa got up slowly, not wanting to be knocked down by the eager students marching their way out of class. As she took a step forward she felt a shoulder brush hers, and the clatter of a chair behind her. The blonde had tripped over the chair Lexa had accidentally forgot to push in, her sketch book fell to the floor as the blonde yelped and took Lexa down with her, catching the attention of Mrs Hu.

_Thud._

"Ow- I'm so sorry. Are you alright?" Lexa extended her hand to the blonde but was rudely shoved away.

"Push your chair in next time" the blonde said coldy and she pushed herself up.

Lexa noticed the book still on the ground as the blonde pushed passed her.

"Hey wait! You forgot..." Lexa held the book out but stopped her motions as she saw what was drawn on the page. It was a sketch which looked awfully familiar. It looked of someone she recognised.. it was _her?_ But it couldn't be.

The blonde blushed profusely and a wave of anger washed her face as she snatched the book out of Lexa's hand.

"Do you mind?!" Clarke yelled, stashing the book in her bag.

"I'm sorry–"

"Mind your business, home school" the blonde snarked before stomping off, ignoring the calls from Mrs Hu.

Lexa stood there for a few minutes, shell shocked of what just transpired. Mrs Hu walked over to Lexa and lightly touched her shoulder.

"Honey? Are you okay?" The teacher asked softly.

"I-I-I don't know..." Lexa wavered.

"Just ignore Miss Griffin. She can be very hot headed. I'll talk to her. Unfortunately I can't do anything about your seating arrangement as all tables are full right now but I'll have a word with her" Mrs Hu's words were like velvet to Lexa's ears. They were soft, calmative and like the gentle spray of the ocean.

Lexa nodded along, trying to hold back a shit of a tear that squeezed through. Mrs Hu noticed immediately and enveloped Lexa in a light hug, nothing unprofessional.

"It's okay dear. I know it's hard, trust me I know. I was home schooled aswell. You just stand tall and try not to let anything bring you down. I've heard a lot of good things about you Miss Woodsen, these kids are not worth your tears" Mrs Hu gently rubbed Lexa's shoulder, pulling away from the comforting hug.

"Thankyou Mrs Hu. And it's Lexa" Lexa smiled meekly.

"No worries Lexa, and please, just between you and I, it's Cece. Us home schooled girls stick together".

Lexa was sent on her way to her sixth and final period. Lucky for her, her English Lit didn't share a single person who'd made fun of her, yet. English was Lexa's favourite subject. She was familiar with the works of many famous authors such as Orwell, Austen, Byron, Bronte and Shakespeare. She read poems and books for fun, and Lexa herself was quite a good writer. But like most good things in her life, sixth period passed as oppositely slowly as it came, so relatively quickly.

The final bell of the day rang and signalled the end of what looked to be the beginning of her worst school year in history. But holding on to Mrs Hu's words, she held her head high.

* * *

The end of sixth period meant the beginning of practice to Clarke. She was captain of the senior varsity volleyball team. That meant that Clarke also had the obligation to train the Freshman team. Since their school was quite large, the senior team was mixed with a few of the better junior players, and the sophomore team was mixed with a few of the new freshman players to give a bit of diversity.

"Alright ladies! Line up!"

The girls in the gym formed straight lines faster than the blink of an eye. All eyes were on Clarke. Some girls focused on other things, such as Clarke's breasts which pushed against the green jersey, or the way her booty shorts hugged her curves. It was no secret that Clarke Griffin was something to look at, it was also no secret that the girl was bisexual, and for the lucky girls in the gym that day who were spared a longer than usual glance from Clarke, they swooned like twelve year olds.

"Monday afternoons are compulsory trainings. We play every Thursday nights. And there is a non-compulsory training every Wednesday at lunch time. This is varsity ladies. You have been selected from pre-semester tryouts because you all showed the required talent. Do not make us regret our decision. Let's get to it".

Every year, like the girls before her, the senior captain would select a single freshman girl to mentor. Clarke had been watching the freshman girls for thirty minutes until she finally approached a young brunette girl with familiar braids.

"Hey. What's your name?" Clarke asked somewhat sternly.

The smaller girl infront of her turned on heel and her eyes widened at who was before her.

"Tris! It's tris!" She blurted out.

A small smile tempted to pull itself on Clarke's lips, then her familiar stoic expression appeared. Not that Clarke was a hard arse, she just had to show her superiority to the girls on her team, that she was captain and she was in charge.

"Tris" Clarke sounded affirmingly. "Thankyou Tris, back to training".

Clarke had turned back to approach Octavia on her decision for her second when she caught a taller and familiar brunette outside the gym. Little did Clarke know, Lexa had not been staring at her, rather her little sister. Lexa was proud her little sister had made the varsity freshman/sophomore team.

"Oh look it's home school again" Clarke muttered quietly to Octavia.

"Ugh can she stop staring." Octavia glared at the brunette and circled her index finger a few times to subtly tell the girl to turn around and walk away.

Lexa noticed immediately and continued walking past the gym.

"Freak" Octavia mumbled a little louder.

That caught the attention of Tris, as she saw her sister pass from view. She stood there staring at Octavia. Part of her wanted to scream at the captain and her co for being so rude to her sister but that would ruin her chances on the team, so she decided to keep quiet.

Some things were just better off left untouched.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it. The first chapter in this work. I hope you enjoy it. Sorry for my errors! Please do lets me know what you think! And yes you may think clarke is a bitch after reading this, that's the point. It's high school, there will be bullies and nasty people. Just give it a few chapters!
> 
> Next chapter will be up in a few days, how well this goes will determine if I continue this, I'm a busy person so there's no point doing a flop!


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! There is an abusive bullying scene in this chapter. It is the only scene of this nature that will be in this fic, but it's here. 
> 
> On a lighter note, points for whoever spots my Finding Nemo mention. It's not at all subtle but I didn't even realise it when writing <:D

If Lexa could rate on a scale of one to ten how her first week of classes had gone, she would opt for a negative ten. Lexa figured that if she kept quiet and just showed up to school like everyone else, that the hazing would subside. Apparently not. Everywhere she went there would be students who jiggered or sneered at her. She was no longer known as 'Lexa', well no one ever knew her name to begin with. She wasn't even referred to as the 'new kid', instead she was known as the infamous 'home school'. That's right, since that first day when the blonde had dubbed her that, now everyone had called her that. That's the way things go in high school though, of course Lexa knew that from her research.

Not everyone had been horrible to her though, some students were quite friendly to her and some went even further. It was early in the first week when a handsome young man approached her and introduced himself as Lincoln, inviting her to a small gathering at his the following week. After a small conversation with the boy, Lexa had concluded that although it was more of a pity invitation than anything, he meant well. Although Lexa couldn't place the daggers she was receiving from the cerulean eyed blonde's short friend.

It first started on the Tuesday afternoon once Lexa finished her conversation with Lincoln. Then on Wednesday the smaller girl looked as if she wanted to strangle Lexa, and Lexa couldn't place it for the life of her. The blonde didn't help the matter either. Lexa would've thought that being partners in Chem everyday might have closed whatever negative tension was between the two girls, obviously not. But there was something about the blonde that captivated Lexa.

Lexa was never so sure of how she felt about people like that. Most of the time it was black and white with the very few people she had met, but not with the blonde. No, the girl had evoked a grey sense of seeing things. Lexa had no experience in those kind of social friendships or relationships, and she figured that it was a lack of that experience which had her so confused over the snarky, rude, cerulean eyed beauty. I guess you could say that she was in the phase of her sexuality crisis. Not that she was in love with the blonde, not at all. Just that she couldn't place her feelings, she had never felt so contradicted and confused about how to feel about a person in her entire life.

So as the day rolled by, Lexa was dreading her AP Chem class. Luckily though, they were doing an experiment. Maybe she could concoct some mixture to make herself disappear. The blonde was intimidating, cold, rude and with out a doubt completely self absorbed. All the qualities that Lexa was taught ill to have. But that's just entitled rich girls, right?

* * *

If Clarke could rate on a scale of one to ten how her first week of classes had gone, she would opt for a ten. Her classes had all been good so far, apart from Chem. She had selected a freshman to mentor for the rest of the year, and her teams were about to have their first game of the season later on that night, she was ecstatic. It seemed as though her senior year was turning out to be the year she expected, with one small insignificant, yet completely significant road bump. She just had to get past her period five chemistry class with 'home school'. Mrs Hu had ended up lecturing Clarke about Mondays incident, and while Clarke was gracious towards Mrs Hu, she left with a fire inside of her.

Who did this brunette think she was? Just going around dobbing on people like that. You would think that by the time the young adults had entered their senior year that they would have evolved past those crocodile tears, apparently not. Home school had to be taught a lesson that you do not mess with Clarke Griffin. The girl effectively tarnished Clarke's good reputation with their teacher, which was a massive jump onto Clarke's 'shit list'. So that's exactly what was going to happen. The entire lunch period that day, Raven and Clarke had developed a plan to teach home school a lesson about whining to teachers and messing with the delinquents.

The brunette had already claimed eyes for the guy Octavia was pinning after it seemed, and she had gotten Clarke in trouble aswell. It had gone far enough, of course this was all in the minds of the two vindictive students. So they sat together working on a plan to teach her who's in charge. The lunch bell rang for students to make their way to their next class. Clarke and Raven were giggling to themselves as they walked to Chem, as well as sharing devilish grins to each other while Mrs Hu was explaining the experiment.

Lexa, as always sat in her chair quiet as can be while twiddling her long deft fingers. Her posture was slouched and the brunette looked completely vulnerable. Clarke had come to the conclusion that the girl was shy, didn't have many friends and that she was just trying to fit in. A pang of guilt suddenly struck her and Clarke swallowed a lump in her throat.

_I can't do this. What am I thinking? This is horrible. This will hurt the poor girl._

Clarke quickly shoved those feelings away. She couldn't start to feel sappy or guilty for the brunette. Clarke was the captain of the varsity team and no one messed with her or her friends. It was time for some delinquent payback.

"Clarke.. I'm just going to get the equipment" The brunette spoke shyly, almost as if asking for permission to get up and leave.

_Since when did she know my name? Oh wait.. everyone knows my name._

"Yeah sure. You do you home school" Clarke said cooly, avoiding eye contact with the brunette, who's name she still didn't know, or potentially did, she just cared too little to notice.

Of course Clarke couldn't make eye contact though. She wasn't a horrible person, she just wouldn't stand for any shit. But she knew full well that if she looked at those big, round, emerald, puppy eyes, she would have to call off her plan with Raven. So she kept her head down. The second the brunette had made it out of ear shot, Clarke got up to the desk behind her.

"You ready Griff?" Raven asked excitedly.

"Uhh yeah."

"What's that? You having second thoughts?" Raven asked narrowing her eyes.

"No of course not." Clarke immediately said sternly.

"Good. Cause no one messes with us. Especially you Griff. Time to teach home school a lesson".

Lexa returned a moment later with all the equipment, placing it on the desk while avoiding the daggers Raven was shooting her.

"Okay can you set the Bunsen burner?" Lexa asked quietly, her gaze piercing through Clarke's avoidance.

Clarke humphed in response and started to light the match. She glanced back at Raven with slight regret on her face, however Raven was enjoying this too much to notice. Clarke reluctantly nodded at Raven to ready herself. Now Clarke couldn't exactly be the one to do this, and Raven knew that. She would be stripped of her captaincy and suspended indefinitely, however with Raven being the main perpetrator, Clarke could narrowly escape that outcome.

The brunette was right behind Clarke and she could feel the warmth radiating off her the girls body. Her small breaths hitching in the back of her throat as if being in close proximity with Clarke like that was somewhat painful. Still, Clarke reluctantly carried on with their vengeful plan.

_She doesn't deserve this. Fuck me I'm going to hell._

Clarke lit Bunsen burner and "accidentally" knocked it over on the stack of flammable materials meant for the experiment.

"FIRE!" Clarke yelled as she quickly ducked and launched behind a devilishly grinning Raven holding an extinguisher.

* * *

 It all happened within seconds. Lexa didn't have any time to react before she turned around and was doused in the foam that the Latina girl had going full speed. She was covered completely from head to toe. Foam all through clothes, her bra, her hair, her mouth and even some in her eyes. Obviously the majority of the foam was aimed for Lexa and not at all at the burning materials.

Eventually the Latina girl had stopped spraying and the class had erupted half into concern and the other into laughter.

"ENOUGH!" Mrs Hu boomed over the class.

Every kid went silent and hunched down into their work. Mrs Hu had never ever ever raised her voice let alone yell in a classroom before. Clarke knew there was going to be trouble.

"Lexa.. Lexa honey?" Mrs Hu said frantically as she cupped the brunettes face.

 _Lexa_.

"Lexa look at me" Mrs Hu pleaded as she tried her best to wipe away the foam which coated the whimpering brunettes face.

Lexa briefly looked up and met Clarke's gaze. Clarke's heart broke at the site.

 _Fuck_.

The big, round, emerald eyes of the girl infront of her were glistening with tears. Clarke felt her heart shatter at the site.

"I'm so sor—" Raven began fauxly.

"GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM AND UP TO THE PRINCIPAL THIS INSTANT REYES!" Mrs Hu snapped her eyes up to Clarke. "You aswell Griffin".

Clarke gulped the lump in her throat. She knew she fucked up.

"Okay Lexa let's get you to the nurses office okay. Class dismissed".

* * *

 Clarke had never felt so horrible in her entire life. Raven had been suspended from school, and Clarke had a probationary suspension in school where for the entire of the next week she would have to spend before school, her break periods, and an hour after school everyday completing set assignment work in the office across from the principal.

She hadn't seen the brunette at all since the incident. She knew the girl was at school but it was as if the school was doing everything in its power to make sure the girl had been invisible. The school had even temporarily dismissed Clarke from attending the Chem class during her in school suspension.

 _Lexa_.

Again, Clarke was not a bad person. Just because people do bad things does not make them bad people. Clarke knew full well what she did was wrong and was of the lowest denominator possible. Lexa certainly did not deserve at all what happened her. It frightened Clarke. It frightened her because never had she ever done something so reckless and undeserving.

But who was Clarke to be the one to back down. She had to set the example right? Everyone had expectations of her. Her parents for grades, her school and teachers for success, leadership and example, and finally her friends had expectations. But unlike those of her parents and school, her friends had expectations of Clarke to be ruthless and unforgiving. Clarke was the wedge which held her friends together and they looked up to her to do the things to protect them, even when those things were not necessarily the right things. Clarke bared that responsibility so they didn't have to.

For her entire childhood, she had been the girl which many people picked on. It was her friends which pulled her through the hard times. It frightened Clarke because maybe, just maybe she was turning into the person she promised herself she would never be. These were just some of the many things Clarke tortured herself with during her week of suspension.

It was the Friday afternoon of the following week, the last day of her suspension when principal Kane called her into his office at the end of her final hour.

"Yes sir?"

"Take a seat Miss Griffin" Kane spoke sternly.

"Now I had hoped last week when you were in my office that you were not a part of this situation. We both know that's not true".

"Yes sir". Clarke's voice wavered with uncertainty at where Kane was going with this.

"What was it exactly which gave you the impression that doing what you did was an appropriate course of behaviour?"

"I dont know sir. I really don't. I knew it wasn't right... I know it's not right and I can't forgive myself for my actions, let alone if anyone else can" Clarke had never spoken with more sincerity in her life.

"Miss Griffin, I am not the person you should be talking to about forgiveness. Let me make myself perfectly clear. If I ever see you in this office again because of a stunt like that, you will be expelled. Is that clear?"

Clarke had never felt so belittled in her life.

"Yes sir, crystal."

The end of Friday not only signalled the end of the second week of school, but the beginning of Lincoln's party. Lincoln had come from a very affluent family who happened to be away this weekend. So as all rebellious kids do when their parents are away, he threw a party. His house was big enough to hold a hundred people at least.

While at the party, Clarke had caught wind of the gossip that "home school" had been invited and would be making an appearance. She had highly doubted that considering what happened last week and how the students have been treating her. But Clarke hoped she did show so she could at least apologise to the poor girl. Clarke honestly hoped that Lexa would come so she could show her there is so much more to her than just what's been shown already. Still, hours went by and there was no sign of Lexa. So Clarke did what party girl Griffin does best at parties, get drunk, then seduce and pick up women.

There was quite the eye candy at Lincoln's, but that was because most of the girls at the school crushed on him, Octavia included. Clarke however wasn't one of them, so she stuck to the ladies. She had been eyeing one girl in particular for some time now. She was unfamiliar, brunette and quite tall. Clarke made her way over the woman and after a couple minutes of flirting, the girl had agreed to meet Clarke in of the bedrooms upstairs.

 _Finally. A release_.

And what a release it would be... just perhaps not for Clarke.

* * *

 Lexa had been thinking about the party at Lincolns all week. The boy had insisted she come to get to know people but after last Thursday, she didn't really want to get to know the kids at the school. Lexa had spent a considerable amount of time trying to understand how and why exactly Clarke and her Latina friend had done what they did. It hurt, it hurt a lot because she wracked her brain and couldn't conjure a single reason as to why.

 _Maybe some people are just bad people_.

Never had Lexa been treated so poorly in her life. She was a tough girl, a resilient girl but a girl can only take so much. But it doesn't help to dwell on the past and things that can't be undone. Lexa had known that Clarke and her friend had been punished, so there was no point to hold a grudge. Lexa wasn't one to hold a grudge against someone. She could forgive, but she doesn't forget. She only hoped that Clarke and her friend could at least recognise that what they did was downright disgusting. That would be enough for Lexa.

In saying that though, she also couldn't forget the blondes face. Her face so riddled with guilt and regret. Lexa was sure that the girl felt even more crushed at what she had done than Lexa herself.

 _Maybe people aren't always bad, maybe they just make bad decisions_.

As hard as she tried, the blondes face just kept on swimming swimming swimming around in her mind. She didn't necessarily like the blonde after what happened, she could be civil but she lost all respect for her. But! The big but. She also hadn't. Which infuriated Lexa more because yet again she still couldn't place her feelings for the girl, even after she had done something which would distinguish anyone else immediately on her feelings. But not Clarke, which only made Lexa question her sense of self even more.

How could she know what she likes or who she likes? She's never had experience in this kind of situation. She had never had sex or done anything remotely enough for her to be able to know for sure. There she was thinking about how disgraced she was at this considerably rude girl in her class, but she could help but have a sense of hope for the girl. She couldn't help but want to find out if her hope was misplaced simply because she felt something strangely unfamiliar towards the blonde which might resemble feelings but might not.

There was just something about her, she was special. Clarke elevated herself and Lexa had recognised that since day one. She didn't stand in with the crowd as she seemed to try and do, she stood apart, miles apart. Lexa had never ever met someone so different in her entire life, so intriguing, and probably just as lost as she was. Although the blonde certainly did a phenomenal job of hiding it, once again she had the experience unlike Lexa.

They say that the love of your life will make the biggest impression on you. Whether it's bad or good, they will leave you with something to never forget. This was certainly something Lexa wouldn't ever forget. It was exhausting, simply exhausting. Maybe she wasn't ready to be in a public school, but maybe this party was exactly what she needed, maybe this party could be the release she had been looking for. Maybe Lexa could find out for sure about everything she had been so confused about, at least that's what her reading told her what happens at parties. She really had to stop reading that junk.

But until then, Lexa pulled out her book to write. To write the feelings and thoughts she simply couldn't express with speech.

 _Within the green is where I'll stay_  
_Within these trees just locked away_  
_Within the blue is where you'll be_  
_Within the stars please wait for me._

* * *

This was the first house party that Lexa had ever been to. She had no idea what to expect from the rowdy group of teens. She was just thankful that everyone had been drinking, and therefore were extremely nice to her. Lincoln had greeted Lexa at the door and given her a mini tour of the house, aswell as offering her a drink.

Lincoln was a kind guy with a beaming smile, Lexa could see why so many girls were attracted to him. She wasn't but she could definitely see the appeal. There were students inside playing beer pong and dancing. There were students outside thrashing in the pool and playing football on Lincoln's lawn. Lexa certainly had to admire the beauty of his house.

Lexa had found a comfortable spot next to a dorky looking boy, an Asian boy and a quiet girl like herself, the trio had introduce themselves as Jasper, Monty and Maya respectively. For perhaps the first time, not including Lincoln, Lexa had been engaging with her peers who had not been total jackasses and it felt comforting.

Time flew by quicker than Lexa had expected, it didn't help that she could feel the slight spinning of the room, clearly having a bit too much alcohol in her system. Lexa looked at her phone and saw she still had another thirty minutes before her father would collect her. It was her first ever party so her parents had allowed her a curfew of 1am, which Lexa had thought to be too late previously, but now with all the fun she was having, she wished she could stay later. But rules were rules with her family.

So Lexa wobbled around the house, through the halls and up the stairs. Admiring everything about the grand house she was in, until she heard a door shut at the end of the silent hall she was in upstairs. Lexa curiously walked over, hugging the wall so she wouldn't fall flat on her face. She peaked through the crack of the door and heard a husky breath coming from the other side. It was completely pitch black so she couldn't see anything, she decided to open the door. Within seconds she heard a giggle and felt soft hands roaming her torso from behind, a body pressed up against her back and husky warm breath in the nook of her neck as whoever this woman was, suckled down and fondled her breasts.

* * *

 The only way for Clarke to be able to have the fun she was after was by going to a much much quieter spot upstairs. She had agreed with the taller brunette, Echo, that she would find a room upstairs, and the girl would have to find her. So Clarke happily galloped away up the stairs and quickly found a room. A few seconds later she heard the footsteps of flats approaching, then the breath of someone at the door.

_Huh... I thought Echo was wearing heels._

Never mind that. Although Clarke was in simple terms a fuckgirl, she was always a respectful fuck. She never failed to feel joyous or aroused at the idea of waiting for someone to find her, or for her to find someone. The anticipation of it all was what Clarke desired the most. But most of all, Clarke had never forgotten the name of anyone she had slept with. So there she was, hiding in the pitch black of a spare room when a slightly taller woman entered.

_Huh... Echo looked taller earlier. Maybe it's just the dark and I can't see properly._

Never mind that. Unable to control herself, Clarke immediately pounced to the back of the girl and felt her way up to the girls breasts.

 _Huh... they had felt a bit smaller than they looked_.

Never mind that. Clarke was enjoying the feeling of cupping the petite swell in her hands. She leaned forward onto the girls shoulder and started sucking into the crook of her neck, then licking the expanse, down from the jaw to the sharp jut of the girls collarbone. The girls breathing infront of her increased into breathy pants and slight whimpers as Clarke tweaked a nipple between her fingers over the fabric.

_Huh... I don't remember Echo wearing a top as loose as this._

Never mind that. It just gave Clarke easier access to the bra underneath. Clarke slid her down the girls abdomen and snaked her hand back up underneath her top and made her way up to the girls bra. She gently pushed the fabric aside and and grabbed hold of the soft swell gently, before softly kneading the beautiful breast in her hands and brushing her thumb over an aroused nipple.

The girl infront of her was now breathing raggedly as she started to slowly grind her backside into the front of Clarke. Clarke could feel a pooling in her stomach and a growing wetness in her pants.

"You.. little tease" Clarke huffed out as the girl infront of her moaned.

Alright Clarke had enough of this. She grabbed the girl by her hips, spun her around and pushed her against the door. Clarke hovered over the girls lips for a few moments, darting her tongue out to take a taste of the girl. A delicious watermelon flavour filled her tastebuds and Clarke cupped the girls neck, leant in on an angle and connected her lips with the girl's in a tender kiss.

A weak squeak made its way from the girls mouth, sending vibrations along Clarke's lips. This only pushed Clarke to deepen the kiss and her hands slid down the girl's sides and around to her rear. Clarke cupped a handful of ass, each petite, toned cheek fitting deliciously into her hands. The taller girl moaned into Clarke's lips, however her arms still stayed flat against the door in surrender. While Clarke found it to be endearingly submissive, she couldn't not wonder if this was indeed actually Echo.

Never mind that though. This girl tasted delicious and felt phenomenal. Her lips were plump, full and juicy, it was like Clarke was tasting ecstasy. The feeling of the girls breast and rear in her hands was like she was touching silk for the first time. Every sensation Clarke felt in this moment was heightened, and no it wasn't the alcohol. In fact, Clarke had never been this aroused by a girl in her entire life. A spike of dopamine accelerated through her veins as if Clarke had indeed popped a pikachu.

She had never felt this way before from a simple kiss and few touches, it was equally exciting as it was scary. She only hoped the girl before her felt a similar way because who needs things such as ecstasy when you have your own biological version instead. A million thoughts had catapulted their way through Clarke's head on how much she wanted to completely demolish and ravish the girl she held, but also how much she wanted to make tender and sweet love to. A feeling this precious was almost sacred, and a simple root and boot was definitely never going to be an option. This girl had to be nurtured, cared for and caressed as if she were the most important person on this planet. Or so Clarke told herself.

But before Clarke could make her move and pull the girl to the bed, the door was pushed open, sending the girl falling on top of Clarke. Both girls yelped, broke free of the kiss and hit the floor with thud.

Clarke was dazed for a second or two until she recognised the figure standing at the door. No wonder _this_ girl didn't feel like how Echo looked. No wonder _this_ girl felt as though she had changed her clothes. It wasn't Echo she was with. No. Echo was standing at door. Never mind that though.

* * *

Lexa had no idea what was happening. It felt so good and it felt so right. She had no idea who this girl was but god dammit it felt phenomenal. The way she gently caressed her breasts and focused her attention of the subtle reactions and pleasures. It was as if all her worries and thoughts about the past two weeks had just fluttered away. This was a good damn release.

Before she knew it, the mystery girl had spun Lexa around and had taken a broad lick of her lips. Lexa immediately felt an odd heat build in her stomach, and a throb between her legs, next minute the girl was kissing her and that was it.

That. Was. It.

It wasn't the alcohol at all. It was the kiss, the feeling inside her. It was exactly what cemented the feelings which Lexa had for so long. She could practically feel the emotions radiating through the lips of the girl before her as it passed it's way through Lexa's body. She was now no longer confused or scared at all. In fact she liked it. She liked it quite a lot, and she would have been content on continuing whatever it was that was happening, until she felt the door behind her barge open, and sent her tipsy self stumbling down upon the girl infront of her.

That's when it occurred to her. This girl she was with hadn't been waiting for her. No. Lexa had unknowingly, but quite thankfully and accidentally walked in between a hookup. Thank the heavens above that it was still pitch black in the room and the hallway wasn't that bright. This allowed for Lexa to make a speedy jump up to her feet and dart out of the room down the corridor without being identified. The adrenaline coursing through her veins was enough to make any person sick and nauseous, but not Lexa.

She sprinted outside to find the perfectly timed arrival of her father, Landon.

"Alexandria, sweaty. Are you alright?" Landon chuckled.

"Yeah Ha. Ha. Very funny dad. I was just dancing but can we go now? I'm busting and the bathrooms were full" Lexa quickly recovered over her fathers concerned expression towards her hyperness.

"Of course, buckle in".

Everything had made perfect sense to Lexa now. All her odd feelings the past few weeks, even over the past few years. This one little experience was all she needed to solidify the truth which had been brewing away in her mind for ages. All the little pieces had finally fit together, and god damn, the picture looked refreshing. Lexa had wished to know who the girl was in that room, but she knew better than to play with fire. Still, it couldn't burn that bad to find out. It was worth the burn.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I don't want anyone to think I've rushed this. I haven't cause don't forget, they don't even know it was each other. Lexa is a confused little munchkin, and Clarke is a guilty Griffin looking for release, it was coincidental. It wasn't meant to be 'Clarke and Lexa' together at all, it's not. If you didn't think that this would happen this early then good. This just simply builds up the tension. It provides another obstacle and challenge for the pair. Right now the purpose is to divide the two and create the two extremes of the attraction/desire and the resentment and distrust, its high school, it's drama. Right now they are polar, and if you did chemistry at school that would make sense. But they will make their way back together and everything will have resolutions. Faith. Also there were comments about things not happening 'over night', please take into consideration it is actually a week in story time between chapters. The story must go on and spending ten chapters on one problem is tedious. STORY TIME MY READERS! 
> 
> The poetry if your confused will progress with the pair. So right now there's not much there, they're new and without much depth. So the poetry will be like a metaphor throughout the progressing story. It is original and any similarity is purely coincidental, apologies if that's the case. If you didn't notice the poetry is also about Lexa and her 'coming out', as much as it is about her conflicted feelings about Clarke.
> 
> Also please don't be mad about the bullying. I warned about it. It's present in this chapter and dealt with aswell, and will continue to be dealt with, give it time. Bullying is a real and scary thing in this world, so I was never going to just be 'yeah Lexa's been bullied. I had to create a scene which I've never heard of. But please don't be mad, this stuff happens for real, be thankful it's a fiction. Let's also remember that Lexa did something worse up on the mountain and Ye still all loved her, so give Clarke a chance for forgiveness. Everything done so far has purpose! Comments are greatly appreciated, I've taken a lot of consideration in the next chapter already from comments in the first chapter and I'm constantly trying to include things you guys suggest which I think will work best for the story. 
> 
> Until next time!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected date on the horizon! And what will happen when Clarke approaches Lexa to apologise??
> 
> Finished this chapter early so I figured meh with posting it! Hope you enjoy! I realise this isn't as long as the other chapters though, but I couldn't include too much because I'm saving that for the chapters!

Her head was pounding, her stomach was churning and her room was spinning. Lexa had never had a hangover before until this morning. She seriously contemplated why on earth it was that people voluntarily drunk this much alcohol to induce a hangover. It made no sense. But with every spark comes the flame. You can't get the good without having the bad. You can't have the fire without getting burnt. That's just way of the world, and Lexa probably knew it more than anyone at the moment.

The good; she was finally attending a high school, she was finally a normal school girl and finally had opportunities.  
The bad; she was laughed at and made fun of every single day because of it.

The world is a shitty place, but you just have to make the best with what you have. That's something her parents always taught her, get smacked down, get back up. If there was anyone that Lexa could trust with anything at all, it was her parents. Most kids her age would complain about their parents being an embarrassment or an annoyance, not Lexa. She figured that life is too uncertain. You never know which hand you've been dealt, so make the most of the cards you have before they're put down.

_Knock. Knock._

"Lexie?" A small voice peeked through the door.

Lexa recognised the small timid voice immediately.

"Tris? Are you alright?" Lexa croaked as she slowly sat herself up.

"Yeah, I have something for you."

Tris made her way into Lexa's room, nervously holding a tray of waffles, orange juice and aspirin for her sister. Lexa picked up on her sisters uneasiness immediately.

"Is everything okay, T?" Lexa said softly as she took the tray from her sister.

"Yeah it's just... I'm so sorry" tear tracks made their way down Tris's face as Lexa held her arms out to cradle the girl.

"I heard what they said in training the other week and I didn't say anything because I was afraid they might kick me from the team, and then I found out what happened in your chemistry class and—"

"Hey. No don't think like that at all. It's not your fault" Lexa cooed.

"It is though! If I said something in the beginning then none of this would've of happened!" Tris wailed as Lexa gently rocked her.

"What's done is done. I can look after myself. You just make sure you kick ass in that team okay?"

Because that's who Lexa was. She was selfless like that and always made sure to put other people's needs and safety before hers, particularly when it was someone she loved, particularly when it was her sister.

"So... any boy's who have caught my little lotus's attention?" Lexa smirked, quickly changing the subject.

"Well there is this one boy. He's so cute Lexie with those blue eyes and his blonde hair—" Tris began gushing over the boy.

Aswell as her parents and Tris, the only other person Lexa trusted with her life was her best friend Anya. Most Saturday mornings Lexa would Skype with Anya, but it was hard having a best friend in the forces. Anya was only a couple years older than Lexa, however the girl was currently on tour in the Middle East. It made contacting her quite difficult. Still, both girls made the effort every Saturday morning.

This call was different though. Anya was always a terrific reader of body language, and Lexa was never good at hiding her feelings, so of course Anya would pick up on subtle expressions and ticks straight away.

_"What's got you down in the dumps today?"_

"Nothing. I dont know what you're talking about" Lexa tried.

_"Lexie, come on. Have they been treating you wrong? You know I'll happily kick a few teeth in, right?"_

"That will make you no better than they are"

_"So they have been?" Shit._ Lexa had almost forgotten how attentive and quick her friend was _._

"It's nothing really-" Lexa pressed.

_"Don't you dare even finish that sentence. You know I don't stand for that crap and you know your parents certainly won't. Why are you trying to hide this?"_

"I'm not... maybe I just hope that things will change. You weren't there Anya so it's hard to explain" Lexa mumbled, her thoughts on nothing but the blonde and her broken up face after the incident.

Her call with Anya had continued on for a considerable amount of time until she was called by her superiors. Once again, this left Lexa all alone drowning in her thoughts about school, the blonde and also this mystery girl she had met last night.

_It's like stars that dance in the quilt of night_   
_And the music that play is just right_   
_We dance our desires and hearts away_   
_We're dancing, dancing for the night to stay._

_Her hand curls and interlocks around mine_   
_We move to the sounds beneath the stars shine_   
_Her bodies against mine as we sway, still_   
_We're dancing, dancing for this night to stay._

* * *

 

Usually the weekends were Clarke's favourite time. She would spend all day both days hanging out with her friends, practicing for volleyball or just being a downright delinquent. Except not this weekend. Her parents were still furious with her after receiving a call from Principal Kane.

_"That's not how we raised you."_

_"Why are wasting money on your education if you're walking around abusing people."_

Those were just some of the things her parents had said. If Clarke hadn't been feeling bad before, she was certainly feeling bad now. It was one thing to disappoint her teachers, but another to disappoint her family, especially her younger brother Aden. Aden had looked up to Clarke and admired Clarke for all his worth. But like many smaller kids in middle school, he himself was picked on, and it wasn't until starting his freshman year that he was able to find a solid group of friends. It broke him to discover that Clarke had been acting up like that.

It broke Clarke even more to see the face of her baby brother droop into a complete expressionless state. She had really messed up and she knew it big time. Everyone knew it, it seemed. Clarke had been grounded for 2 weeks at her home, which meant she still had another week of no technology, no going out with friends, and a curfew of being home at 5pm.

_Was it really worth it?_

Clarke had even gone as far to try and search Lexa up on Facebook to find out any likes or interests for an apology, however no results had shown. It seemed as though she had to bite to bullet and find the girl during school time, whether that was possible she didn't know, considering the girl was like ghost the previous week.

* * *

The weekend flew by quicker than superman himself, and although Tris had been still beating herself up over her inability to stand up for her sister, she was in a rather chipper mood. Perhaps it had something to do with the blonde hair boy she had been gushing to Lexa about.

Upon pulling into the parking lot on Monday morning, Tris jumped out of the car without even a glance back, Leaving a stunned and curious Lexa. But Tris didn't have time to worry about that. All she was worrying about was the small leather watch on her wrist, and the blonde haired boy. There was still thirty minutes left until the bell would sound for the commencing of the school day and Tris knew that the boy she was looking for would be in the gym.

He was always in the gym before school. He had told her he likes to hitch a ride with his parents on their way to work so he can be there early and practice for his basketball games. It seemed almost textbook to Tris that she, a freshman volleyball girl would be interested in a freshman basketball jock. But maybe that was just the Internet talking. She really needed to jump onto Lexa about her high school internet reading, it was affecting everyone in the family.

"Tris!" The blonde boy called as he jogged over to the girl, hearing her sprinting from down the hallway.

It didn't bother Tris that much that the boy she was into happened to be none other than Aden Griffin, the younger brother of their senior volleyball captain Clarke Griffin. In fact it had been Clarke who initially introduced the pair at their first game during the first week. Since then, their friendship has blossomed into what Clarke calls "baby banter". The two teens hit off a fast growing friendship and now they were at the stage of flirting, if that's what it even was. Tris doesn't really know how fourteen and fifteen year olds flirt.

"Aden!" Tris boomed back as she almost tackled the boy into a wild Woodsen hug.

Spending time with Aden was refreshing. He wasn't like many of the other freshman boys in the year. In fact he was completely different. Tris knew little about Aden's school life before high school but she could only assume it wasn't positive. But lucky for the boy now, no one even thought twice about saying anything remotely off to the boy because Clarke Griffin would defend her little brother with a ferocity like nothing on earth.

Aden was quiet and conservative, much like her sister Lexa, but quite the opposite from his sister Clarke and Tris herself. He picked up on the little things and his attention always seemed to be one hundred percent on Tris. She could only assume it was a good thing.

"So..." Aden trailed as he tapped the floor with the tip of his shoe, suddenly avoiding eye contact with Tris.

"Are you alright, Aden?" Tris asked immediately, picking up on his subtle cues.

"Huh? No... Yeah I'm okay" Aden grinned cheeklily. "I was wanting to ask you if maybe, i dont know... we could..." Aden trailed.

"Sorry?" Tris questioned as the end of Aden's sentence turned into incoherent mumbles.

Aden cleared his throat and gulped loud enough for Tris to hear. Tris had an inkling of what the boy would ask, just by the look of pale complexion, breathiness and rambling. But Tris was not going to play easy to get, at least that's what the Internet told her.

_Dammit Lexa!_

"I was wondering if you wanted to see a movie this weekend?" Aden spoke again with a newly found confidence.

Tris smiled back at him with the biggest smile she could conjure, until it eventually hurt her face. Tris could only hope that while Clarke seemed okay with her friendship with Aden, the she could remain okay with it possibly turning into something more. Clarke was her captain after all.

* * *

_This was it_.

Clarke had been building the courage to apologise to the brunette after the incident two weeks ago. She hadn't had any luck finding the girl at Lincoln's party over the weekend, nor had she had any luck trying to find the girl at school that day. She really was elusive, Clarke began questioning if the girl was even real anymore, or just a figment of her imagination.

The bell had gone for her AP Chem class and Clarke practically sprinted from the gym to the science labs. As usual, the brunette was already seated early, lightly slouched in the back of her seat, her slim but toned elbows on the bench with a book in her hands. Although there was something unfamiliar today. It took Clarke a few seconds to identify what it was until it hit her like a teahupoo. The brunette had big round glasses sliding off her nose. Clarke had never seen the girl in glasses before, she didn't even know the girl wore glasses, but what did she expect. She did not know Lexa Woodsen. The girl had her hair pulled up in a messy bun, and when she looked up and emerald met cerulean, Clarke's heart almost skipped a beat, _almost_.

There was no denying that the girl was beautiful. In fact anyone with eyes would see her beauty, you'd have to be blind not to. But the glasses were something else entirely, something else endearing. Clarke quickly pushed those thoughts away. She had a job to do.

Clearly it wouldn't be as easy as Clarke thought, what with Mrs Hu constantly looking over in their direction, narrowing her eyes at any movement originating from Clarke. The brunette had made it quite difficult aswell. Clarke was amazed that she was still actually sitting 'at the table'. She had scooted so far over it was almost as if she had removed herself from the table entirely. This was definitely going to be much harder than Clarke thought. But like any challenge, Clarke faced it head on.

The class dribbled with theory work on stoichiometry and titrations, however the only thing Clarke could focus on is what she would say to the brunette. In fact that's all she had been thinking of all day. That, and why her apologising meant of so much importance than any other she had given in her life. Usually Clarke wouldn't care, wouldn't even give it a second thought, but there was something about the elusive brunette that captivated Clarke, and she felt a dire need and obligation to make things right.

The class had concluded before she knew it, and as Clarke looked over, she saw the brunette already out of her seat walking past, avoiding looking at Clarke. She had avoided Clarke like the plague all of last week and all of today, but Clarke was the tick, unphased and without a damn.

"Hey..." Clarke tried but trailed as the brunette continued past her into the hallway, ignoring her completely.

"Hey!" Clarke followed and grabbed at Lexa's arm, the brunette immediately stiffened. "I'm trying to talk to you... to tell you I'm sorry".

The brunette just eyed Clarke up and down with an unreadable expression before continuing in the direction she was headed.

"Have you ever actually had to tell someone you're sorry? Because it starts off with admitting that what you did was wrong. Not by forcing the apology." She called back over her shoulder, as a trailing Clarke tried to keep up with the girl's long strides.

"I know what I did was wrong!" Clarke seethed.

No response.

"Lexa! Would you stop for a God damn second". The sound of her name caught the girl off guard and she abruptly stopped, turning on heel, Clarke almost barrelling into her. She stood slightly taller than Clarke did and there was a piercing intensity in her emerald gaze which made Clarke feel almost intimidated.

"Really? Cause it seems as though you'd rather be anywhere but here. Usually when people apologise they mean it, it's not out of guilt or pity which clearly seems to be your agenda." The brunette spoke quietly with a conserved anger.

Clarke could practically feel the heat radiating from the girl. She suddenly felt dizzy. It was either that or the brunettes intoxicating smell of strawberries or _watermelons_.

"What makes you think I don't mean it? I wouldn't be with you right now if I didn't mean it." Clarke retorted, composing herself as an air of frustration tinged her voice.

Lexa sighed in a surrendered response, clearly nothing was going to come of their continual back and fourth.

"You know what Clarke, just forget it. Your not-apology is accepted." Lexa turned once again squirming through the sea of students.

"Lexa.." Clarke called

"No it's fine. That's just the way it is in high school right? You should know. You would know better than me.. right, home school?" Lexa's voice drowned out.

It was in that moment that Clarke thought she saw flash of ink hugging the back of Lexa's neck. The girl had tattoos, that was obvious, considering the intricate design on her arm which Clarke admired the entire first week whenever her tanned skin was exposed. A familiar feeling started to pool its way in Clarke's stomach, and a phantom taste of watermelon coated her tastebuds as Clarke had been sure she remembered seeing a tattoo on the mystery girls neck from Lincoln's party.

_Nope. Nup. Stop it._

Clarke immediately pushed those feelings down because one, why on earth would Lexa be at the party, Clarke hadn't seen her at all, and two... the idea that Clarke Griffin made out with Lexa Woodsen was just... it was just... she really didn't know.

* * *

A couple days had passed since Clarke's apology and the silence between the two girls was almost deafening. Even during their chemistry class the two girls kept to themselves and only really communicated one word sentences to each other. Lexa assumed it was Clarke's way of giving her the space she needed. But unlike the previous weeks, Clarke wasn't the only thing which engulfed Lexa's mind. In fact she barely had a second thought about Clarke since the not apology.

Instead she spent her time trying to figure out who the mystery girl was from Lincoln's party. She had been eyeing possible candidates for the whole week and still, no one seemed spring to mind. It was the Friday afternoon of the third week of classes when Lexa was heading down to the gym to collect Tris. Her sister had said she needed to practice her spikes after school, so Lexa had been caught up in the library.

Upon making her way through the school to the gym, Lexa could hear the grunts echoing through the halls the closer she got. But then she heard another voice, a voice that was all too familiar, but not her sister. She peaked around the corner of the door, praying to only find her sister but was rewarded to see Clarke there aswell. Usually Clarke left early on Friday's because she had the last period off. It caught Lexa's attention as to why Clarke was still at school, and in the gym with her sister.

_That's right. Clarke is Tris's senior mentor_.

The fact had completed slipped her mind, but as of lately the only think really on Lexa's mind was the mystery girl. Until suddenly it wasn't. Lexa noticed the way Clarke spoke to her sister, the way she praised her when she did something good, and the way she encouraged her instead of berating her if she didn't do as well. Then when Clarke pulled Tris into a hug, that's all that Lexa could focus on. She didn't realise she had been staring until Tris started pulling faces at her, catching the attention of Clarke who briefly looked between the two girls.

"Lexa.. what are you doing here?" The sound of her name coming from the blondes tongue felt oddly satisfying.

"I'm just here for my sister" Lexa spoke before turning to Tris. "Come on T, we need to get you home and showered for your date"

"Oooohhh you've got a date and you didn't tell me" Clarke teased playfully towards a profusely blushing Tris.

"I uhh... yeah I'm going to the movies" Tris stammered.

"That's funny, Aden said he was going to the movies tonight. I wonder if you'll see him" Clarke pondered, and then it hit her.

Lexa watched from a distance as her sister receded into a shell and Clarke's face contorted from that of wonder, to confusion, then to realisation. Realisation that her younger brother was going out with Lexa's younger sister, who also happened to be her second. If things weren't already awkward enough, a faint yelling could be heard from down the hallway as a familiar voice gradually became clearer.

"Clarrrrkkke! Let's go! I can't be late for—" Aden stopped dead in his tracks as he burst through the gym doors, seeing Tris in a deep shade of red, an awkward Lexa looking innocent and unphased, and Clarke looking as if she had just sniffed an off fart.

"Well..." was all the boy could manage as the four students stood looking back and fourth to each other.

Minutes had passed and Lexa wasn't sure if anyone was even still alive until her sister broke the silence in her familiar fashion.

"Well we don't want to be late, do we?" The smaller girl charged past gripping Lexa's arm before yanking her out of the door.

The entire drive home was spent in silence, as Lexa knew better than to question Tris after the events which transpired. Instead she questioned her newly developed thoughts about Clarke, and the fact that her sister was going on a date with Clarke's brother of all people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many people thought it would be Aden and Tris? I couldn't not have little bit of Aden and Tris! I've included a short new poem again, slightly longer than the last however it is in reference to what happened between the unknowing girls. I've referred to what happens as being a dance, because poetry is too beautiful to be about smutty smut in my opinion. Again it's original work.   
> I've also read some more comments about Lexa not being too easy on clarke, trust me that won't happen. Lexa is a cup being filled with water, eventually she will overflow. And to clear and misunderstandings, clarke does not know it was Lexa. She just had a random thought. But keep with me, only one of them will find out very soon. I did a random selection with a friend to choose who it would be so yeah. But things will get lighter because I'm doing... wait for it... A SENIOR RETREAT! That's right! It will either be next chapter or the chapter after, i dont know but it will be there! Stay tuned!   
> Comments and kudos always appreciated! Let me know who you think will find out first! I'll be interested to see who you guys think it will be out of curiosity but also to see if I'm predictable! But keep in mind it's not an immediate discovery. Everyone loves a bit of mystery so give it a chapter or two! If anyone has anything they particularly want to happen then let me know! I'm holding off writing chapters until a bit after I post a new one because I want to try and include things you guys suggest.. I am looking for some fun things to include in the senior retreat, since I skipped mine years ago because I lacked the "school spirit" I don't really know what happens! Fun requests accepted!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is a longer chapter because I was pretty descriptive with the date and it's early cause I was on a roll writing it. I wanted to include as much time between the siblings as possible, as per requested in last chapters comments. It's also more of a filler chapter for the next chapter so nothing too angsty!
> 
> How will the Traden (yes Tris & Aden) date go? What happens when Lincoln and Octavia meet after school? Can Clarke and Lexa clear the air and come to an understanding?

Never in a million years would Tris admit her nerves over a boy. Her parents had taught her to be a confident young woman and everything the girl did practically radiated confidence and determination. Tris was the sort of person who could liven up a morgue, or create a spark in a blackout. There was nothing which had ever rattled her cage, not until now.

The Griffins. Tris didn't know what it was, maybe it was the whole prospect of high school and the heirarchy involved. Maybe it was because she had found her ego and reputation more important than to say something to Clarke about the way her sister was treated. Maybe it was because she desperately just wanted to be respected, or maybe it was just because the girl had never liked someone as much as she liked the taller slender boy with bright blue eyes and sandy blonde hair, Aden Griffin.

So naturally, Tris thought she must have been having some kind of convulsion or a haemorrhage in her brain when she started to sweat uncontrollably and shake profusely. It was a strange feeling, and unfamiliar feeling. Sure Tris had gotten nervous sometimes, I mean you're not human if you don't but never to this magnitude.

What definitely wasn't helping was the way her sister Lexa had been pacing in the room for the last twenty minutes. She was sure at any minute Lexa would burn holes in the carpet. Maybe that was a good idea, maybe she could postpone the date if that happened.

"Lexa!" Tris cried in frustration. "Please cut it out"

Lexa's gaze met Tris's with mild annoyance twisting on her face.

"Look..." Lexa sighed exasperatedly. "I'm just not comfortable with you going out with that boy".

"Oh please, you sound like a hypothetical broken record of mum and dad" Tris retorted.

"I'm serious, T" Lexa's demeanour shifted immensely, and Tris picked up instantaneously as she saw her sister's eyes shift to the floor.

Tris knew full well this wasn't about Aden. It was about Clarke. As much as Lexa would hate to admit it, she still wasn't over her treatment by the hands of the delinquents. While Lexa would remain nonchalant and say she had forgiven them, Tris knew her sister like the back of her hand. She knew just how fragile Lexa could be and just how protective she could be. This was her protective side surfacing.

"Lexie... that would never... Aden would never do anything like that, okay? Trust me, please?" Tris begged as she could see the hesitation written all over her sisters face.

Of course Tris knew this because Aden had opened up to her about how we was mistreated in middle school.

"Okay" a shallow breath escaped Lexa.

It still tore Tris up seeing her sister feel the pain of the events which transpired. It tore her up even more that she had the ability to stop things before it escalated, but she didn't, she couldn't. And as much as Lexa would tell her that it wasn't a big deal and that it didn't matter, Tris was not an idiot. It mattered to her more than anything. They were siblings, which meant they were obligated to always have each other's back. But Tris had failed her duty as a sister.

"Whatever you do just please do not wear your active wear to the movies" Lexa cautioned, dragging Tris from her thoughts.

"You say that like active wear is a bad thing"

"It is when it's all you wear!" Lexa retorted. "Active wear, active wear, going to the movies in your active wear" Lexa mimicked the 'Active Wear' spoof video which had graced the internet in recent months.

"If you don't shut up I'm going to smother you in my active wear!" Tris boomed as she jumped off the bed chasing Lexa out of her room.

In reality Tris knew she couldn't catch Lexa. Her sister had much longer legs and could run considerably faster than herself. She only chased simply because it's what their dynamic was like, and Tris never wanted to lose it. Eventually she gave up on chasing her sister and settled back onto her bed to change clothes. That was until Lexa peaked her head around the corner.

"Active wear, active wear" she whispered, a smirk as big as Jupiter on her face.

* * *

"Clarke!" Aden groaned at his sister for the millionth time, as she couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculous hairstyles she was teasing Aden with.

"You're meant to be a good sister and help me get ready for my first date!" And who was Clarke to resist the pleading eyes and expertly performed breaking voice before her?

"You're right, I'm sorry" Clarke huffed as she wiped a tear of laughter from her eye.

Clarke had spent the worse part of the last thirty minutes styling ridiculous do's for Aden, ranging from Wolverine to Dolph Lundgren to Jim Carey's Lloyd from dumb and dumber. The girl had even managed to pull off a Chris Tucker from the fifth element, with the help of some paper rollers of course, simply to prepare him for his date.

Eventually she had styled Aden with a fringed low fade, which compliment the natural forward fall of his chunky blonde locks. She had then instructed her brother on wearing some light brown chinos with his short sleeved, navy blue patterned dress top.

"Are you all ready?" Clarke asked comfortingly.

"I think so" Aden expelled as he straightened up his top.

"Do you need any money?"

"No I've got enough. Thankyou though" Aden smiled weakly.

The drive to the Woodsen residence was longer than the drive it took to get to Arkadia, but it was a rather pleasant one. While the Griffin residence was a more luxurious coastal estate, the Woodsen's lived more towards the suburbs. Clarke had never been to Lexa's house, but she marvelled at the simplistic beauty of it. As an art appreciatist Clarke had always admired the small things, and often the most simplest things were the most beautiful. That's how she saw the Woodsen residence.

The walk to the door was short and sweet, and within a couple knocks, a familiar emerald eyed brunette was answering.

"Please, come in" Lexa gestured to the siblings. "Tris is just finishing up upstairs, she won't be a moment" Lexa smiled towards Aden.

"Thanks... can I use your bathroom?" Aden mumbled, wiping sweaty palms on his pants.

Lexa let a small smirk pull to her plump lips, which Clarke had found endearing and couldn't help but lick her own in response.

"Sure, down the hall, third door on your right" Lexa instructed.

Aden quickly sped off leaving the two girls in awkward silence. Yet again Clarke found herself staring at the beautiful brunette, biting her lip from nerves.

_Why am I so nervous?_

"So.." Clarke trailed, as Lexa had looked everywhere but the blonde. "A movie date, huh?"

_"A movie date, huh?" What the hell Griffin._

"You know you don't have to do that, Clarke" Lexa spoke sternly, still avoiding eye contact.

"Do what?" Clarke questioned, utterly confused.

"The small talk" Lexa glared at the blonde.

Clarke was taken back by the sudden bluntness of the girl. She has apologised, and she had been acting civil, even trying to be friendly. Was Lexa still mad a her?

"Lexa please, I don't know what else I can say to you. I know I messed up and what I did was disgusting" Clarke pleaded.

"Why do you even care?" Lexa turned on foot standing face to face with the blonde.

"Because I..." Clarke thought about this for a moment.

She had never openly spoken about how Aden had been bullied in middle school, or how she had been bullied. So she scolded herself as to what she was going to next, to a stranger none the less, but somehow in some messed up way Clarke had felt as if she had known Lexa for years. She felt comfortable around the brunette because there was just something about her. Something comforting in those big, beautiful, emerald eyes.

* * *

 

Lexa was at a loss. For the life of her she couldn't figure out why the blonde girl infront of her cared. Was it because maybe they would have to get along now that their siblings were going out? She figured as much, but there was something hiding behind those cerulean eyes, and once again she found herself drowning in them with expectance at the words to come.

"Because I know what It feels like... to be bullied. And I promised myself that I would never become the person who I used to fear most" Clarke mumbled as she shifted her gaze to the floor.

Lexa's demeanour suddenly changed at the latest confession from the blonde.

_She had been bullied?_

Before Lexa could even formulate a shocked response, Tris came bounding down the stairs, and Aden came waddling back from down the hall. Almost instantaneously, the siblings picked up on the awkward tension between the two girls.

"Whoa, why does Clarke look like she's just farted... and why does Lexa looked like she's just sniffed it?" Aden joked as two sets of embarrassed eyes fell to him, as Tris burst into laughter.

"Aden!" Clarke groaned, clearly mortified. "Leave it to you to bring out toilet humour on the first date" the blonde mumbled.

"I can see why she likes you" Lexa winked at the younger Griffin, clearly amused with Clarke's embarrassment.

After the house had cleared out, and Clarke had left with the two teens, Lexa couldn't help but question the blondes confession. Lately all Lexa had seemed to think about was the mysterious girl from Lincoln's party, and her sexuality crisis. Instead, she had now a new weight dumped on her shoulders.

She couldn't put together why Clarke had cared so much and why she still continued to apologise. It has to be more than just feeling guilty. No. Her first apology could be summarised to guilt, but still trying to apologise now, there definitely had to be more than just guilt behind those cerulean eyes.

* * *

The entire rest of the week had culminated into this one moment for Aden, his date with Tris. At first he couldn't believe the girl had said yes, that came as a shock. But right now, sitting next to the girl in question on the way to movies was like a lightening bolt through his body.

He was on a date with Tris Woodsen. The girl who had been the object of his affection since the semester began. The confident and rambunctious girl had squirmed her way into his heart in a matter of short weeks. Aden knew it was ridiculous to be feeling such heightened emotions at this point, but it didn't mean he was oblivious too them.

Everything Tris said or did captivated his attention from the moment he laid eyes on her on the first day. And now here he was, captivated again, and gawking at the beauty that was Tris Woodsen. There must've been something in the genetics of that family he thought. How can one family look so damn beautiful, he thought that if he hadn't known who the Woodsen family were, he'd figure they were celebrities for their looks alone. And out of everyone who was clearly interested in Tris, she was interested in Aden. It amazed him to no avail.

Ultimately the pair had ended up seeing a special event screening of The Fifth Element since Tris was adamant that it was one of the greatest science fiction movies ever, not to mention she absolutely adored Milla Jovovich. Of course Aden had agreed with Tris and happily paid for the tickets, popcorn and drinks, despite Clarke's earlier antics.

The movie itself Aden found quite interesting, but he would've understood it more if he had been paying attention to it, and not the girl beside him. Lexa had ended up picking the two teens up shortly after the filmed ended. It was when Aden was outside his own house on his porch that he felt his throat constrict and his heart leap out of his chest.

He had been nervous the whole night, but right now was something different.

_Do I kiss her? On the lips? No... that's too weird for a first date. What about a hug? No... just do it Aden. Just kiss her dammit!_

So that's what the boy tried to do, at least. Lexa began leaning across the passenger side to sneak a peak, and Clarke was hidden inside the house staring from the window, the two girls watching intently as Aden took Tris's hands in his and slowly leant down.

The pair just inches away, eyes closed, and just as the gap was about to be closed, much to Aden's desire, a bang was heard from the window followed by a faint 'ouch' as Clarke had clumsily leant too far forward from the couch to see and lost her balance. Simultaneously Lexa had been leaning across the seat bearing her weight on the seat belt clip when suddenly it clipped out. Lexa was left to loudly plonk on the compartment between seats as her hand shot out towards the wheel for something to grab, effectively blaring the horn.

Aden and Tris jumped away from each other like two deers caught in the headlights. They each looked at their respective embarrassed siblings, and with a loud sigh, Tris pulled Aden down and gently pecked his lips, startling him even further.

This was definitely one of the best nights of his life.

* * *

 

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Bee—_

"Shut up".

Of course complaining to an inanimate object is the usual course of action when it does something annoying. Like swearing at a wall, or smacking the couch when you walk into it. Even by telling your cup of water to 'stay' simply because you think it might grow legs and run away. But these are just the random thoughts which haunt Clarke everyday each morning, but that's just what happens with an overactive imagination. It certainly helps her on her way to becoming an artist, maybe just not at 6am on a Monday morning.

But for Clarke of course, any alarm set later than 6am would result in her being late for school, and with the still thin ice she was on, she certainly couldn't afford that. By the time the blonde trudged her way to home room, the class was already buzzing at the prospect of selecting cabin buddies. Yes, still at 17 to 18 years of age, the seniors still acted like middle schoolers when they got to select their cabin buddies.

"You can select only—" Mr. Pike trailed as he narrowly dodged a pencil thrown across the room.

"Mr. Murphy! There will be none of that Thankyou. You can select only—" again Mr. Pike trailed as Bellamy yelled across homeroom.

"Echo! You do me, I do you!" Her cheered.

"No one will be doing anyone! No co-ed cabins! Only girls or boys!" Pike called exasperatedly.

Clarke weaved her way through the chaos and took her seat at the front by Raven and Octavia.

"Griffin! Wanna bunk with O and I?" Raven offered.

"Yeah sure" Clarke replied nonchalantly.

"What I wanna know is who's gonna bunk with home school over there?" Murphy groaned as he pulled his feet off the table which Pike slapped moments earlier.

"Shut up, Murphy" Clarke retorted, giving the snarky boy a glare.

"Whoa settle down, Griffin. It's just home school. No one special" Murphy surrendered, sharing confused looks with Octavia and Raven.

"Yeah well she's still a person so stop calling her that. She has a name!" Clarke fired back with rage, suddenly sinking in her seat at her uncontrolled outburst.

The group of delinquents surrounding couldn't help but share confused looks amongst each other at Clarke's sudden behaviour and defence of the brunette. Even Clarke couldn't understand it herself.

She couldn't understand how over the entire weekend, all she could think about was the brunette, and her big emerald eyes. The glare in which she gave Clarke where she would feel equally entranced, intimidated and endeared. She had never felt that way before and it confused her half to death. On the Saturday night, Clarke had even had a less than an appropriate dream about the brunette, at least she thought it was the brunette in the dream.

Suddenly all these feelings had begun consuming the blonde, and she didn't know how to act or feel, and it was affecting her ability to function. For example, her outburst just moments ago.

"You know what? I'm gonna bunk with Lexa actually. Excuse me."

Clarke abruptly got up and made her way nervously to the brunette at the back.

* * *

Monday morning home room was like every other morning for the past month. Lexa had sat alone at the back of the class listening to music as the chaos around her erupted. Except today was slightly different.

She had seen a commotion happen around the delinquents out of the corner of her eye, but could'nt make out what was being said through her music. The brunette shifted her gaze back to the piece of paper she had been sliding across the table for the last five minutes. She didn't know what to do. The senior retreat was in a few weeks and Lexa had to write the names of three people she wanted to bunk with. The only problem was, she didn't have three names to put down, in fact she didn't even have one.

She considered writing her own name down three times for a laugh, but knew that wouldn't work. Next she considered skipping retreat altogether but she knew her parents would never allow it, whether the retreat was compulsory or not. Finally she settled on making up names to put down. So there Lexa sat, quietly listening to music with Beatrice Bateman, Louisa Sparks and Jemimah Colegate as her cabin buddies. As experienced as a writer Lexa was, she found it hilariously embarrassing that she couldn't come up with more realistic names.

Lexa hadn't even noticed the nervous blonde approach her. Too entranced in her music, she felt a soft hand on her shoulder and jumped in response only to be met with a kind smile and a warm gaze.

"S-sorry. I was just coming over to ask if you wanted to bunk together?" Clarke asked nervously as she took the seat, straddling the chair beside Lexa.

"But I see... Beatrice, Louisa and Jemimah have bested me" Clarke laughed as she glanced at the paper infront of Lexa.

As if Clarke's eyes were not a distraction enough, her laugh was like a melody to Lexa's ears, and suddenly she found herself lost for words.

"Yeah... I guess they have" Lexa managed.

"That's too bad then" Clarke dipped her bottom lip in a pout and feigned sadness, it was the most endearing thing Lexa had ever seen.

The brunette started mentally cursing herself at how flustered she was getting over the blonde. She had never seen this side to the girl before and she began wondering if this was who the real Clarke really was. Not that cocky facade she constantly paraded around with, but a genuine, bubbly and warm girl. Perhaps it was just the dozen sets of eyes planted on the pair which had made the redness creep up Lexa's face and up towards the tips of her little ears.

_Yeah that must be it._

As if Clarke hadn't noticed all the eyes on them though? People were probably flabbergasted as to why Clarke was sitting next to the shy brunette. But then again Clarke was used to the attention. A string of disturbing images tore through Lexa's mind about just how much attention Clarke could get.

"Well I guess I could make an exception and swap you with Louisa?" Lexa continued on the joke.

The two girls quietly laughed just as the bell rang to Clarke's disappointment.

"I hope so" Clarke spoke softly as she rose from her seat and left the room, followed by Octavia and Raven who were staring awkwardly at Lexa.

* * *

The senior students had until the end of the week to select their cabin buddies. All slips had to be handed in by the final bell on Friday. It was lunch time on Friday afternoon and Clarke had still not filled out her slip. Even after her, what even was it? Flirting? With Lexa on the Monday morning, she still couldn't bring herself to put the girl's name down on her slip.

Octavia and Raven kept persisting she bunked with them along with Echo, but the longer Clarke thought about it, the harder she found it to place a single name down.

"Clarke stop being a drag and just put us on the sheet so we can all hand our slips in!" Octavia complained, but Clarke was too busy staring at a certain brunette to hear anything else being said, everything else was background noise.

After Monday, the brunette had remained pretty elusive, and seemed to avoid Clarke at all costs in the hallways. Had clarke pushed too far? Had Clarke made the girl uncomfortable? She certainly hoped not because the more time that passed, the more she found herself wanting to know the brunette and be friends with her. The further apart she seemed to get, the more she craved the close proximity of the girl.

So there she was, oblivious to the world except for the beautiful brunette all alone in the corner of the cafeteria. That was until two girls Clarke had a small friendship with approached Lexa. Clarke watched on, listening intently as Harper and Maya took a seat and spoke to Lexa about cabins. Her table wasn't too far away so Clarke could briefly make out what was being said, the rest she chalked up to her lip reading talent and the brunette's grateful smile.

It seemed as though the two girls had offered Lexa to bunk with them, and that's when a brilliant idea hit her. That's when emerald met cerulean for a brief moment before flicking away and Clarke was engulfed with the most brilliant idea. She quickly scribbled the names of Lexa Woodsen, Harper McIntyre and Maya Vie on her cabin slip before skipping out of her seat and out of the cafeteria to the slip Dropbox, once again leaving a flabbergasted group of delinquents.

* * *

"I still don't know what we're doing out here" Clarke and Raven moaned in unison as Octavia dragged them to the bleachers by the football field.

"Yeah O, I was meant to leave after fifth period, so what's this all about?" Clarke asked.

"It's about Lincoln, okay? He asked me to meet him after school out here and I need you guys for moral support." Octavia said pleadingly, looking between her two best friends.

Clarke and Raven both knew that since sophomore year, Octavia has had a massive crush on Lincoln. Pretty much every girl in the entire year had a crush on Lincoln in sophomore year, and now that he was the senior captain of the varsity football team, The Grounders, the entire school was in love with him. Teachers praised his ability, guys wanted to be mates with him or be him for that matter, and all the girls wanted to date him.

Lincoln Whittle was a dateable guy, smart, charming, funny, handsome, but most of all he had a heart of gold and for reasons unbeknownst to Octavia, he seemed to like her, despite her previous beliefs that Lincoln possibly liked Lexa. Clarke had managed to pull Octavia up on her dagger eyes, telling the feisty girl to give it rest from Lexa.

The pair had spent a lot of time together in school, and even a little bit out of school, especially on the night of Lincoln's party, so Octavia could only hope that something good would come of seeing him today.

So the trio huddled together and Clarke and Raven quickly fixed up Octavia's hair and makeup before ducking out of view and playfully patting their friend on the butt as Lincoln made his way up and across the field to where Octavia was. The girls giggled together as they saw Octavia nervously shifting from foot to foot as Lincoln approached, but the massive smile on the boy's face practically screamed comfort.

The girls watched on as Lincoln and Octavia embraced, and then sat down and spoke about school. Lincoln then brought up talking about relationships, to which Raven nearly gave away their hiding spot from a squeak.

"Shut up Raven!" Clarke hissed. "We don't wanna ruin this for—" Clarke stopped as Raven's hand came crashing over her mouth and the Latina's jaw dropped.

Clarke turned to look at the couple to see Lincoln and Octavia on their feet, their hands intertwined as Lincoln leant down while Octavia stood tippy toe in a passionate kiss.

"Oh my god!!! YASS LINCTAVIA!" Raven jumped up with her fist in the air as she started stomping around cheering, immediately catching the frightened look of Lincoln and the deathly glare of Octavia.

Clarke slumped back on the bench they were hiding behind cursing to herself for how completely ridiculous her friends were. Hopefully retreat would be the break she needed, and hopefully she would get bunked with a certain brunette. Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was a longer chapter, I just wanted to get it all out before senior retreat, which will be next chapter. I know it's taking a while to develop those feelings between Clarke and Lexa, it's realistic so it's going to take some time. I'm hoping for some major developments next chapter during the senior retreat. I have also further gone through the mistreatment of Lexa for those who thought it was a bit rushed, I did tell you to wait a bit, but it's now moving on to chapter 5 so I'm moving away from that too.   
> Comments/kudos appreciated, tell me what you thought! Next chapter should be up soonish! Any ideas for retreat activities?! I'd love to include your input.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MONSTER CHAPTER! I'm splitting the retreat into two parts simply because it's so long, so here's retreat part 1! I know this is big but I had a lot to cover in detail. Next chapter will be similar length. Updates this close won't be the norm, I just had inspiration. 
> 
> Confessions are made and relationships are defined (maybe) all for the groundwork of chapters to come! This is the first day of retreat, there are still 3 more to follow. It is a 4 day retreat! I wanted to move things along this chapter a bit aswell so hopefully it doesn't seem too rushed. Enjoy!

It was the time of year which every senior had been rooting for since the beginning of freshman year, the senior retreat. The rumours were notorious about the less than legal escapades that's kids got up to from previous years. The parties in the bush, the apparent _plants_ which grew in the area, the skinny dipping, but most of all the senior pranks.

Every year on retreat, the seniors would collectively decide on their graduation prank in attempts to one up the year before. Last year the seniors had rigged the PA system and blasted 'Cotton Eye Joe' while letting loose a farm of animals through the corridors. Principal Kane had almost had a heart attack. The stench alone had taken all of spring/summer break to get rid of, and the school had effectively spent thousands of dollars to re-sanitise the corridors.

However, this was not the only prank pulled by the students, there was of course the infamous retreat pranks that students would pull on all the teachers, and this year would be the year they wouldn't forget. With the likes of Raven Reyes and Monty Green in this years class, it was definitely bound to be the greatest prank in Arkadia High's history.

While most of the grade was hyped and battling for the back seats of the buses, Clarke couldn't help but feel nervous. Nervous for the fact that she could potentially be in Lexa's cabin. She had of course put the brunette on her slip which seemed genius at the time, but the idea of it becoming a legitimate reality sent nervous pulses echoing through her body and shivers down her spine. She had chalked these feelings up to nothing more than pre-retreat jitters. It certainly had nothing to do with the fact that for the past week since the weekend after handing in her slip, Clarke had been having inappropriate and exceedingly wet dreams about the brunette.

But to Clarke's confusion, all those dreams were centred around the hypnotic girl she met in the dark at Lincoln's party. For the past six weeks, Clarke had been familiarising herself with the faces of the girls at school who she had seen at the party in attempts to identify her mystery girl. Unluckily, not a single girl called to Clarke as being the girl she was with. Ultimately Clarke ended up concluding that the girl must not even go to Arkadia, much to her disappointment.

"Griffin! Get your ass up here!" Raven called, startling her blonde friend from her thoughts.

Clarke hurriedly gave her goodbyes to her mother, father and Aden before boarding the bus and making her way to the back where the delinquents were situated.

"Took your time, Princess" Finn quipped with a grin on his face.

"And what does that make you, Finn? The prince?" Clarke retorted just as smugly.

"I can be your prince any day milady" the shaggy haired boy dipped his head.

"Ugh you'd be more of a toad, Collins" Raven called, hi-fiving Octavia.

"I'm gonna have to agree with Ray. I've missed our playful banter, but please, a haircut first, your hiney" the group of delinquents burst into laughing as Clarke took her spot next to Finn, feigning a look of disgust.

Clarke briefly made eye contact with Lexa at the front of the bus who was sitting happily with Harper, Maya and Jasper and Monty who had made their way towards their girlfriends. Clarke noted that even though Lexa had been avoiding Clarke since that Friday morning, she looked exceedingly happy. As if on cue, the brunette let a loud rasp of a laugh which adorably disappeared into the back of her throat as a squeak, clearly due to laughing too hard. Clarke's world had momentarily stopped spinning at the sound, and her heart quickened dramatically. It was as if a tsunami of admiration and endearment flooded through her veins.

_That was... so fucking adorable._

Clarke found herself staring at the brunette with a ridiculous smile on her face, only noticing she'd been staring when Lexa looked back once again and saw the look on Clarke's face. Clarke quickly shook those thoughts from her head and turned her attention to Finn. The pair pulled out his laptop and cellular USB stick to load up Netflix, ready for the 3 hour trip.

* * *

Lexa could've sworn Clarke had been staring at her. She could've sworn that the adorably wide smile and bright cerulean eyes were meant for her. But how could they be? Why would Clarke Griffin be looking at her like that. Before Lexa could give it a second thought, the blonde had turned away in an instant and focused her attention on the shaggy haired boy that Lexa had known to have a thing for Clarke.

_Well there's the answer to that_.

A small pang of jealousy washed over Lexa and she immediately scolded herself for such ridiculous and irrational feelings.

_Stop it Lexa! Pull yourself together. Clarke doesn't like you, she likes Scooby over there. And you don't like Clarke. You don't like Clarke._

She repeated this mantra for the entire bus ride.

_Clarke is rude and self centred, and she only cares about herself. She's not even that good looking! ... but she is Lexa. She is good looking and she's looking at you. She cares for you and she cares for your sister._

"Oh my god!" Lexa accidentally and quite embarrassingly shrieked aloud.

The the eyes of everyone on the bus immediately fell to her and Lexa sunk back in her seat, her face flushed with embarrassment before a brilliant idea hit her.

"Oh my god, this damn bus ride huh?" She quickly recovered as the students around her chuckled and nodded in approval.

She caught a glimpse of Clarke smiling fondly at her from the corner of her eye, but she didn't dare to look over, too afraid she'd find herself drowning in those cerulean pools. And not for the first time.

* * *

After three torturously long hours, the buses had finally come to a stop outside a beautiful camp which looked more like a luxury bush lodge than anything. Outside the window was a large wooden sign with white writing plastered on the front which read 'Camp Jaha'. Below the sign was a tall, dark skinned man with a warm smile, accompanied by a younger looking man which held similar features.

The students had eventually trudged off the buses, some looking still half asleep from their naps. It wasn't exactly convenient to be leaving at 4:00am on a Monday morning, but it mean the students could get to the camp at around 7:00am, leaving the entire day for activities. A loud, cheerful voice pierced the air, startling all the hazey students.

"Welcome to Camp Jaha! I am Thelonious Jaha, and I run this place" Jaha addressed the massive group of students.

"You named your camp after yourself? That's kind of sad" Murphy snarked from the back of the group.

"Not as sad as your grades probably are, my boy" Jaha retorted softly, earning a sea of giggles and applauds in his favour.

"Now as my father was saying" the younger boy began speaking up, "this is our camp. I'm Wells Jaha and I will be running your retreat. We have many fun activities planned for your stay, but first how about we get you to your cabins and have some breakfast first?" Wells enthused.

The majority of the students hooted and cheered while some were still left partially asleep.

"Yeah sure sounds brilliant. What's on the menu, hobbles?" Murphy snarked yet again.

A series of gasps followed and Clarke looked down to notice a small prosthetic leg on the young man. While Murphy was the only one laughing to himself, a pit of rage built itself up inside of Clarke as she remembered her childhood best friend Otan had a prosthetic leg, which he lost during a house fire. Before Clarke could say anything, the young man piped up with a comeback of his own, clearly unphased by the comment.

"Well, Sir, there's a lovely wooden shack by the corner of the camp I think you will enjoy. It's where patrons go to drop their shit off. I think you'll find it more than comfortable."

Yet again the entire grade started cheering for Jaha junior. It wasn't unknown that many people disliked Murphy. In complete honesty, Clarke knew who he truly was, and it definitely wasn't the person he was pretending to be. Sometime around Sophomore year an incident occurred involving the boy. No one really found out what happened apart from the staff at Arkadia, hence the leniency Murphy had been receiving.

So as much as Clarke detested the person Murphy had become, she couldn't help but remain hopeful. It seemed he was still the friendly and warm guy Clarke knew him to be whenever he was around his girlfriend, Emori. Unluckily however, Emori was in her first year of college across the country, so Murphy had gotten considerably worse since the start of the school year.

After receiving the introductory speech, the grade coordinator, Mr. Sinclair began calling out the cabins. The boys cabins were called first, leaving the girls for last. There was only a handful of girls left as Sinclair read out the remaining few cabins.

"In Cabin B27 we have Octavia Blake, Raven Reyes, Echo Winters and Luna Rivers"

Upon hearing those names Clarke internally fist pumped as the only girls left were Lexa, Maya, Harper and herself. Apparently her plan had worked. Clarke began wondering whether or not Lexa had in fact ended up putting her name on the cabin slip, however she chose otherwise of bringing that up. 

* * *

Lexa could not contain her excitement. The idea alone of starting senior year thrilled her, but she never imagined she would actually have a senior retreat. Camp Jaha was definitely impressive and the cabins reflected their exterior. The sleeping quarters were comfortably warm, and consisted of a bunk and a double bed, a cabinet and drawer and bathroom area. The cabins were grouped in sets of five, with a main living area which connected to all five cabins. In the living area was a fireplace, a pool table, a small TV and an eating area. There was also one larger bathroom which contained five showers and five dressing rooms.

The main dining area was outdoors under a large canopy with smooth wooden benches and seats that was only a couple minutes walk from their cabin. Lexa had ended up getting the closest cabin to the dining area

Once the four girls had reached their cabin, B28, Harper and Maya immediately threw their suitcases on the bunk beds, claiming it for themselves. Lexa had already felt a sense of panic rush through her at the prospect of sharing a cabin with Clarke, much less sharing a bed. But the girl knew she had no other option seeing as Maya and Harper beat them to the bunks.

Lexa awkwardly claimed the left hand side of the bed, resting her suitcase down. She could sense Clarke was just as stiff and uncomfortable as she was, but there was something else in her eyes. It was almost a look of... excitement?

_It's only for 3 nights, it will go quick._

Shortly after settling in, the girls had made their way over to the dining area for breakfast. Lexa marvelled at the atmosphere of the place, this truly was what high school was meant to be like. If only it was like this all the time. After enjoying a bacon, egg, toast, kransky, tomato and hasbrown feast, Wells stood before the grade.

"I do hope everyone has settled in nicely. As I said before we have a lot of activities planned. For today we will be going on a bush walk in the morning which will extend to late afternoon, and when you get back it will be free time, followed by a bonfire later tonight. Tomorrow you will be doing abseiling and rock climbing in the morning, aswell as our canopy course, then we have our new over water obstacle course all afternoon and some free time. On Wednesday we have the all day canoe trip, then Thursday morning we have white water rafting before you head back at lunch time."

Once breakfast had concluded, the seniors found themselves heading back to their cabins to change their attire and to pack their water and snacks ready for their hike.

* * *

The bush walk itself seemed more like a tropical island walk than anything. The scenery was humid, thick undergrowth. But the worst part about it was that it was all uphill on the way to their mid-way destination. Their guide, Roan, had said that he would be leading them up to a clearing at the top of a cliff in which they would get a view of the coast, the camp and the Forrest all in their three sixty.

Clarke considered herself to be a fit person from all her volleyball training, and she was coping quite well with the humidity and the incline of the trek. To her amazement though, Lexa had been infront of her the whole time, and not once for the entire two hours they had been walking did Clarke hear any ounce of exhaustion, unlike half the grade already. It seemed the only students who were unphased were those who participated in varsity sports.

But Clarke didn't seem to mind all the grunts and grumbles about the heat or the hill they'd be climbing. She was quite content with the incredible view that was Lexa Woodsen in active skins. Yes, Clarke Griffin had no shame when it came to admiring such a work of art. And it seemed Lexa didn't mind the attention, or more specifically, she hadn't noticed the attention she was getting. It wasn't just Clarke though, many of the guys and some of the girls had been oogling Lexa and staring at the toned swell of her arse. Clarke was simply more discrete about it.

So Clarke remained silent, revelling in the magnificent site before her as they continued on. Occasionally a thought crossed her mind to just reach out and grope the girl infront of her, but then she remembered she still had morals, and that would be a very uncomfortable thing not just for Lexa and not so much herself, but everyone else who saw.

_Keep it together Griffin. It's just Lexa... it's just Lexa in tight, tight, super tight, like super flatteringly tight active skins._

_Well fuck. I'm still going to hell_.

That's not the only thing Clarke had noticed though. Lexa's brunette locks were pulled up into a messy bun, and at the nape of her neck just below her baby hairs was a definitive tattoo of an infinity which was partly completed by a few dots. There was something oddly familiar about the tattoo that Clarke couldn't place, perhaps that was because her attention was more focused on the brunettes rear. It was, if Clarke was honest, the greatest booty she had seen.

* * *

They had been trekking for three hours before Lexa felt any kind of exhaustion. It wasn't until then that she noticed the complaints coming from ninety-nine percent of her grade. Eventually they had made it up to the clearing and it looked magnificent. The view was everything Lexa hoped it to be. The ocean was deep blue and surprisingly calm, there was a long beach and an estuary beneath the cliff clearing. Lexa had figured that was the river that Wells had mentioned at breakfast for the canoe trip. She was internally dreading it if it was.

Roan gave the group a lunch break and rest considering it was already 12:00pm. Lexa took a seat underneath a slim tree as she started to pull out some food and water. She riffled through her bad for a few seconds before she started panicking.

_Where's my bottle? Where's my bottle?_

"No... no, no, no, NO! Dammit!" Lexa exclaimed as she brought her palms to her face.

Clarke having heard the brunettes panic, immediately came over and took a seat beside the girl.

"Hey, hey, hey" Clarke cooed as she gently pried Lexa's palms away from her face.

"What's wrong?" Clarke spoke softly, as she placed her arm around Lexa's shoulder in comfort

Lexa raised her head slightly to look at the blonde, her face flushed and some unshed tears in her eyes as she held an empty bottle of water.

"I thought I had packed a second bottle of water. I must have left it back in the cabin" Lexa mumbled.

Clarke's heart immediately felt for the girl infront of her, as she effortlessly pulled her bag infront of her and ripped it open with a massive grin. Lexa peered inside Clarke's bag and couldn't help but let out a massive laugh at the site. Inside the bag was still five full water bottles, apart from the one already opened.

If Clarke had known Lexa would react like that, she would've ripped her bag open earlier. She wordlessly handed two bottle to Lexa who took them with immense gratitude and slight question as to why Clarke had that many bottles.

"When your mother is a doctor, it's only habit to oversupply. It often comes in handy. You don't need any food do you?" Clarke joked as she pulled out a couple sandwiches from her bag.

"You're like a walking grocery, Clarke" Lexa laughed before politely declining the food.

"Well if you get hungry or thirsty, I can help with that" Clarke said confidentially, while Lexa arched her eyebrows.

"Miss Woodsen, I never!" Clarke feigned shock as the two girls continued giggling together, both enjoying a much needed break.

* * *

Lexa was waiting. Waiting for Clarke to get up and leave. Waiting for Clarke to excuse herself for any reason at all, but it never came. The blonde sat there next to Lexa, smiling fondly and relishing in her company for half an hour, despite the pleas of Octavia and Raven.

It stumped Lexa why Clarke would rather sit next to her than be with her friends. The delinquents had all grouped together and were laughing about something. They looked like a proper family at a thanksgiving meal, but Clarke sat there in silence next to Lexa and seemed to have a bigger smile than the entire delinquent group put together. The blonde radiated so much happiness that it was amazing Lexa hadn't asphyxiated yet.

After half an hour of relative silence between the pair, Roan called for everyone to get ready to start moving. Again, Clarke wordlessly jumped up and extended her hand down to Lexa. She hesitated for a moment before locking in on a warm cerulean gaze, and a small smile beckoning her to take the blondes hand.

Lexa slowly extended her hand to Clarke's, never breaking eye contact and she swore she felt fireworks through her body as their skin touched. Lexa's fingertips slid over the pads of Clarke's hand, down her palm and to her wrist. She could see goosebumps beginning to form both on her hand and Clarke's. She had felt this kind of electricity before. It was so familiar yet it was so far away. Someone had made her feel exactly what she was feeling now, but all she could focus on was the present.

Clarke pulled Lexa to her feet with ease as their hands still remained joined. Lexa watched intently, captivated by the girl before her as Clarke bit her bottom lip and Lexa wanted nothing more than to pull it out and suck it between her own.

_Whoa! What in God's name! Pull yourself together Woodsen_.

Lexa shook away her thoughts as she immediately retracted her hand and stumbled over her words. She settled on tight lipped smile and a firm nod, to which she could see the amusement in Clarke's face. The students had begun there decent from the cliff in the direction of the estuary. Roan had explained that he was going to follow the river and show the students part of the path they would be taking for their canoe trip.

Since her early childhood, Lexa had always been fascinated with Mother Nature and the world around her. She often found solace in secluded natural areas such as the terrain they were currently in. She always imagined that one day when she retires, she will move out into the mountains and live in a small house deep within the terrain. The brunette pictured it as clearly as she could see the world around her.

Ever since she saw a beautiful cottage in the opening of the Forrest at the bottom of the mountain on the way to the coast when she was younger, she had wanted a house like that. To live on her own, with pets, with a wife maybe and possibly even kids, Lexa wanted a life like that more than anything. 

* * *

The hike back to Camp Jaha was slightly longer as Roan took the students around the trails and followed the river instead of following them through the centre of the undergrowth, but Clarke didn't mind. Upon arriving back at camp, it was already 4:30pm. The sun was still out and it was a while before dark, so most students took to their swimmers and began swimming in the lake situated through the centre of the camp. Some students decided to remain in the living areas back in their cabins, others strolled around looking at merchandise and the rest, like Clarke, had set up some sports on the grassy areas beside the lake.

It wasn't until around 5:30pm that the camp leaders had started up the mass barbecue for the bonfire. As the sun was setting, Clarke was situated on a fallen log sipping some lemonade. Her friends were still playing sports, and more of the students had come out of their cabins but Clarke found herself staring at the brunette. The setting sun had beautifully cascaded light along half of her face, illuminating the girl's eyes. Her hair was pulled over one shoulder and she was in a simple blue tee and blue jean shorts, her tribal tattoo displayed nicely over her toned right arm. Clarke seriously loved the girls tattoos. Often times she felt an urge to reach out and trace the patterns, wondering where they come from and what they mean. Strictly artist curiosity of course.

Even in her simplicity Lexa looked breathing to Clarke. It was as if she was staring at Aphrodite herself. A goddess in human form amongst mere mortals. Just the sight of Lexa how she was, was sending what seemed like litres of dopamine flooding through Clarke's veins.

_How can someone be so beautiful?_

She would've be content on staring at the girl in this setting for eternity, but Wells Jaha had ended up approaching her with a fresh drink and a sausage sizzle.

"I'm sorry about Murphy" Clarke said apologetically as Wells took a seat next to the girl. "He's just..."

"An arsehole?" Wells grinned.

"Yes, he is an arsehole" Clarke chuckled. "It's just difficult with him. Underneath that arsehole exterior he is a good guy. It might not seem like it but he is. He's just scarred a little"

"I understand, it's not problem, everyone has their scars..." Wells trailed, "you should go talk to her"

"Talk to who?" Clarke's questioned as if she had not just been caught staring.

Wells chuckled in response, taking another sip of his soft drink.

"That girl you've been staring at the past half an hour. She's beautiful."

For some ungodly reason Clarke had felt as if she could pour her heart to Wells. It wasn't like she would see him ever again after retreat. She could use this time as therapy to remove some the weight off her shoulders, and to release all of the thoughts and feelings she'd been pushing down for a while. What's the worst that could happen?

"She is beautiful" Clarke sighed as she continued to stare into the distance at the brunette. "But she doesn't really see me I don't think"

"What do you mean?" Wells asked, confused.

Clarke sighed in response.

"I did some things I'm not proud of and she can't see past that. No matter how hard I try, it seems like she's still just stuck with that pathetic version of me." Clarke mumbled disappointedly. "She hides it pretty well... but I see it in her. I see her".

"And that makes you upset why?" Wells encouraged.

"Honestly, I don't know. There's something about her I can't shake. She makes me feel things I've never felt before. It's intoxicating being around her. She's different... she's special. I want to know her and I want her to want to know me. I just... want to make her feel the way she makes me feel."

"And what's that?"

"Happy... protected... she makes me want to be a better person. I want to be a better person not just for myself, but for her. When I'm around her she makes me feel like I can do anything or be anyone but the truth is I dont want to be anyone but me with her."

"You know what they call that right?" Wells grinned mischeviously.

"No. No. This is not that." Clarke said sternly.

"I hate to beg to differ."

"Yeah well, it not. It's definitely not that. It can't be". Clarke pressed.

"Who are you trying to convince?" Wells questioned, to which Clarke didn't respond.

As much as she tried to convince herself, she wasn't sure anymore. There's no possible way that she could... she had only known Lexa for a little over a month. It was impossible for her to be feeling something like... Wells took the silence between the pair as a silent confession.

"If I can offer you any advice, it's to take your opportunities while they're there. Don't sit around and wait for them to fall into your lap. Tomorrow is never guaranteed." Wells spoke softly as he placed a hand on Clarke's shoulder.

"You should be a poet, Wells" Clarke chuckled.

"Yeah well, I haven't got time for that" the boy chuckled aswell, as he tapped his prosthetic leg.

"Cancer" he spoke softly in response to Clarke's confusion.

"I'm sorry..." Clarke trailed, at a loss for words.

"Don't be. I'm not. But I will be if you don't go talk to that girl!" Wells urged as he pulled Clarke to her feet. "Whatever comes, a friend is still someone part of your life. It's better to have people in some capacity."

"I dont know if we're even friends though" Clarke mumbled.

"Do you want to be?"

Clarke responded with a narrowed glare that practically said _you're kidding_ _right?_

As Clarke began making her way over to Lexa, she felt her heart rate increase and her palms start to sweat. She was sure that she was no longer within a safe heart rate anymore. Before she made it over to Lexa, much to her disappointment but also relievement, Octavia had grabbed her hand and taken her to dance around the bonfire to Kygo's remix of 'Tired'. It was like life had been mocking her even in the form of songs. Clarke looked back over her shoulders and caught sight of a chuckling Wells shaking his head.

She desperately wanted to talk to Lexa, but how could she after her conversation with Wells. She was so sure of her feelings but Wells had come and gone all logic on her only to mess with her thoughts. But for now, she was just going to enjoy the beautiful view that was laughing with Harper and Maya on the sand along the lake. She was happy with at least that. 

* * *

The night had ended up being one of the best nights of Lexa's life. She hadn't gone and participated in the sports or the swimming in the lake, she was much too happy sitting down and observing the chaos. Throughout the night she could've sworn Clarke was staring at her, and the blonde had almost made her way over before being occupied by Octavia.

It was a good thing though, because on more than one occasion, Lexa found herself nervous to talk to the blonde. She didn't understand the feelings the blonde evoked from her. They were different than anything else she had felt in her life. Just the shear idea of being around Clarke made her extremities tingle and her insides flutter.

_It must be hard feelings still._

The night had gone rather smoothly without too much drama from the students, and soon enough Lexa found herself back in the cabin and in her bed, fast asleep before she could begin to worry about the fact that Clarke fucking Griffin was sleeping right next to her. And in an oversized training jersey and underwear only for that matter.

It must've been around 2:30am when she was abruptly woken by the ruffling of Clarke on the bed. She turned over to see the blonde sitting at the edge while fixing her crocs. She must have made a noncommittal noise because Clarke turned over to look at the sleeping beauty.

"Oh shit, Lexa. Sorry did I wake you up?" Clarke whispered.

Lexa grumbled and shook her head in response. "What are you doing?"

"Ummm...." Clarke looked around the room seemingly thinking about what to say next. "Well me and some others are going swimming"

"Swimming?" Lexa raised her brows, having been more awake.

"Want to come?"

_Want to come. Cool it with the naughty thoughts Lexa_.

"You don't have too..." Clarke trailed having noting Lexa's silence.

"No... I mean yes. I would like to" Lexa smiled shyly.

The temperature outside wasn't too cool and wasn't too warm. It helped that they were somewhere tropical, as the late September night breeze sure could've been much worse, however it was just perfect tonight. There wasn't a single cloud in the sky, and the stars shone like diamonds. It was a beautiful night, and Lexa marvelled at her surroundings.

Lexa had noticed an awkward vibe radiating from Clarke. It seemed almost like nerves, but it couldn't have been. It must have been the fact that she had agreed to go in the first place which stumped Clarke, or possibly the rush of adrenaline at what they were doing and the possibility of being caught. That's what Lexa told herself anyway.

Clarke had ended up introducing Lexa to a few people she hadn't spoken to. It was refreshing to see that everyone, in particular Raven, was much more civil and slightly friendly, with all things considered. However, she noted that Raven was awfully touchy with the taller brunette next to her.

"Who's that girl with Raven?" Lexa asked, having a spiked curiosity.

"That's Luna, she's bunked with Rae, O, and Echo" Clarke whispered back, careful not to talk too loudly.

"Who's Echo?"

"She's Bellamy's not-girlfriend. I dont know with them. But she's on the soccer team with Luna" Clarke replied.

"Exactly how many sports does Arkadia have?" Lexa asked, her eyes widening with more curiosity.

"Well we have volleyball, with yours truly as the captain" Clarke wiggled her eyebrows. "Then we have soccer, Luna and Raven are both the captains. Football with Lincoln as captain, Finn and his mates also play football..."

_Finn_.

That name rang bells in Lexa's mind. The boy who Clarke had sat next to on the way to camp, and the boy who clearly crushed on her. Of course Clarke, the volleyball captain would be dating one of the football players, that was just textbook high school relationships. Lexa internally scoffed.

"...Bellamy is the swimming captain. There's a few other minor sports like softball and basketball. But mainly it's just those few" Clarke said nonchalantly.

"I've never heard of so many sports in my life!" Lexa huffed.

"Yeah well Arkadia is big on the sports and arts" Clarke mumbled.

"Yeah I remember reading about that." Lexa immediately stopped in her tracks, slapping her hand over her mouth as if it had just betrayed her.

Clarke couldn't help but laugh at the mortified girl. A mortified Lexa was endearing adorable.

"Come on let's catch up" Clarke flicked her head, changing the subject.

"Where are we going, Clarke?" Lexa huffed as she stumbled behind The blonde.

"We don't want to be too close to the camp, they'll hear us" Clarke winked.

The rest of the walk was made in relative silence between the pair, it gave Lexa a chance to get to know the delinquents a bit more. She had concluded that Raven was a funny, eccentric and bravado full walking textbook. Monty and Jasper were complete goofballs and in their own worlds. She knew Lincoln was a reserved and friendly guy. Octavia on the other hand was the completely opposite and was like a puppy, full of never ending energy. Bellamy was a ladies man, clearly by his consistent flirting attempts with Echo.

It almost felt gratifying and brought a smile to Lexa's face to understand a bit more about Clarke's group of friends. But somehow Clarke still remained a mystery. It wasn't too long before they were far enough away from the camp where the echo of their voices wouldn't travel. They also happened to be in the spot where an old tire swing was placed. Lexa remembered Clarke saying something about a group of seniors a couple years ago who stole a tire off one of the camp trucks and took it out of the camp. She assumed it was just a rumour but obviously not.

It wasn't long before everyone had swung from the perching trunk and out into the lake on the tire. Yes this was definitely one of the best nights of Lexa's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if my American/Australian spelling is shifting a bit. It's a pathetic ocd I have where it shifts between haha. Part 2 will be up soon! Comments and kudos appreciated as always. And if anyone doesn't know what a sausage sizzle is, it's a beef (or meat) sausage inside a bread roll. (Idk if that's a thing in America). And if you're wondering why I trailed a lot of Clarke's thoughts after Wells insinuated Clarke 'loved' her, it is because I'm not jumping to that yet. I'm not saying they love each other at all at the moment. So if sentences seem incomplete, it's just that. I'm avoiding the word which shall not be said! Not yet at least ;)
> 
> Comments / kudos appreciated! Let me know what you thought! I love to include your suggestions!


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Retreat part 2! Here is is! A little bit more clexa, and clarke embarrasses herself! I'm also unpackaging the whole Echo/Clarke/Lexa a bit in this chapter! Enjoy! :)
> 
> P.S. this chapter was bigger than intended so there will be retreat part 3, but it will span back into being back at school.

Sneaking out was the easy part, but sneaking back in while dripping wet was not easy at all. Going tire rope swinging in the middle of the night seemed like a great idea at the time and it definitely was great fun, but thinking about it now, Lexa really wished she would have just stayed in her cabin.

The consequences for getting caught like this would be parent calls, being sent home and even detention back at school. Lexa definitely would not get away with just school punishments. Her parents would reign hell on earth for something like that. But that was also the beauty of it aswell. Doing something so rebellious that she knew if her parents found they would have an aneurysm. There was something so raw and commanding about the rebellion she was feeling at the moment.

Clarke's friends hadn't helped the cause. Somewhere, somehow while thrashing around the water, Luna and Raven had ended up getting intimate. It was a "long time in the making" according to Clarke, and it was "bound to happen since they share a cabin". The two girls were toppling over each other, thumping around and the sloppy sounds coming from their mouths were quite a turn off if Lexa was honest.

The girls had parted ways with the boys on their mission back to the cabins, and eventually it was just Lexa and Clarke sneaking back in. Wet footprints were left all over the polished timber floor and the intricate rugs laid out before the duo quietly made their way to their bed.

"Shit Clarke! I left my towel back by the lake!" Lexa whispered as loud as she could.

Clarke looked startled like a deer caught in the headlights, unsure of what exactly she could offer to help. "We could sneak a towel from out in the living area?" She shrugged.

"Yeah but one of the teachers could hear us and if they see us wet..." Lexa sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Okay well you stay here, I'll get you a towel" Clarke grinned.

Before Lexa could even protest, Clarke was out of the room and following the corridor back down to the living area. Five minutes had passed, which felt more like five hours, and Lexa was sure Clarke had been caught.

_This is it. They'll call my parents and I'll be plucked out of high school and..._

The light footsteps approaching jolted Lexa from her thoughts. She turned around and saw the biggest pearly grin she had seen in her entire life, accompanied by her favourite blue eyes. The moonlight streaming in from the window reflected the blonde's pools alluringly, and her pale skin flickered like the glistening of a gem. Her hair was slicked back like she was posing for a magazine, and her attire was certainly more than complimentary in the upper areas. The look alone sent shivers down Lexa's spine and her mouth suddenly dried up like the Sahara.

"Sorry I took so long... I found some chocolate and I thought— Lexa are you alright?" Clarke spoke gently, placing her hand to Lexa's cheek, her face morphing into concern at the gaping girl before her.

The brunette hadn't noticed that she was staring. If she had been anymore obvious she was sure there would be a pool of drool on the floor. At a loss for words Lexa just nodded frantically and took the towel from Clarke, awkwardly smiling before disappearing into their bathroom area to change.

By the time she had gotten out of the bathroom, taking her granny old time, Clarke was already fast asleep in her sleeping bag, but Lexa noticed a few of her favourite chocolate bars, Toblerone, placed on the beside table.

_Hmm... I don't remember telling Clarke they were my favourite chocolates._

* * *

The morning came around in the blink of an eye, and Clarke found herself awoken by the weirdest of noises. It sounded like the crumpling of foil and the tear of paper. The blonde reluctantly rolled over to be blinded by the downpour of sun swallowing her vision. She raised a hand up to block the blinding rays and was blinded once again but a different kind of vision.

There Lexa Woodsen was, enveloped in a book resting on her thighs as her glasses sat at the edge of her nose, an open Toblerone in her hand and a mouthful of chocolate. The girl just sat there, her eyes rapidly scanning the pages, her mouth once in a while moving to make room for the mass of chocolate in her full cheeks. Clarke hadn't realised how long she had been staring, but a noise resonated from Harper and Maya's bunk, summoning Lexa's gaze from her transfixed state.

It was possibly the most adorable thing Clarke had ever seen. The brunette looked stunningly innocent, the light streaming in behind her illuminated her features perfectly. Her regal cheekbones, her sharp jaw which had to of been carved by Zeus himself, her plump lips and her orgasmic emerald eyes. Yes orgasmic. Clarke had no better way to describe those eyes. They did things to her. Indescribable and confusing things that were void of reason, they just did.

For a bunch of people who had spent the previous night, well more accurately, the super early morning, prancing around in the lake beneath the moonlight, they were all surprisingly awake. Apart from Raven and Luna. Something tells Clarke they did a little more than just swimming last night, but who was Clarke to shame a good workout. Heck she was in need of a good workout. It had been ages since she had hooked up, more precisely, it had been since Lexa arrived. That was almost two months which was quite frankly inexcusable.

For years of her life, clarke was certain about everything. She had a plan and a routine. She knew what she wanted and she damn well got what she wanted, but Lexa had fluttered in and messed it all up. It was emotionally draining for the blonde and she wished more than anything for a release, she wished more than anything for that woman she had met at Lincoln's. She had never felt so alive raw and sure of anything in her entire life than those few minutes she had with that girl. But wishes don't come true without a fairy god mother, and this wasn't a fairytale.

Of course that wasn't the only bad thing, no to make things worse, today was the day that students would be doing the rocking climbing, abseiling and canopy course.

Now, clarke didn't have a problem with the rock climbing and abseiling, but she wasn't even minutely comfortable with being suspended in the air within the treeline. There was something about heights, it wasn't really the heights themselves in all honesty, not even the falling itself part, but it was the sensation of uncontrolled falling and the possibility of feeling that which terrified Clarke. The idea that you're no longer in control and that you're at the mercy of gravity was terrifying. Gravity was already an arsehole as it is to Clarke, so she certainly didn't need any extra worries. She had no problems jumping from rocks and towers into water below either because that was all voluntary and controlled. It was a particularly difficult fear to describe, but she was certainly fearful of the canopy course.

But as Principal Kane had said numerous times, it's a compulsory and cooperative course.

_Well how about I push you off the fucking tree then Principal._

"Whoa... Clarke?" Raven tried, "trouble in paradise?" She Latina wiggled her eyebrows.

The blonde simply glared at the Latina through her brows as she shoved her food away. While the food wasn't as luxurious as the cook up they had yesterday, the cereal spread this morning was rather bland, so to anyone who didn't immediately recognise Clarke's discomfort about the activities planned, would assume she simply didn't like the cereal.

"Oh!" Raven snapped her fingers, "can't you just tell Jaha that you don't like heights?" she suggested.

"You don't think I would if I could?" Clarke seethed. "Kane said I at least have to do the first stretch. It's part of the experience" Clarke sighed.

"What's the matter?" Lexa chimed in.

"Princess has a bit of a thing with heights" Bellamy answered with a mouthful of food on behalf of the blonde.

Lexa nodded in understanding before opening her mouth again, only to close it, seemingly stopping herself from saying anything further. Clarke wouldn't admit that it hurt a little that Lexa simply nodded at her. Part of her was expecting a little more.

But they were barely friends right? Its not like Lexa had to do anything or act a certain way. In fact it confused Clarke why the girl was sitting next to her, not that she minded at all. Feeling the frustration build in her body, Clarke quickly excused herself to the bathroom. It was there that she found the elephant in the room.

Clarke had never exactly spoken with Echo about what happened at Lincoln's. In her defence, she wasn't exactly friends with Echo at that point, nor did she know just how munch Bellamy likes her. Since the party, she hadn't had a single moment alone with the girl, only fleeting moments, or moments when all the delinquents were present.

Clarke approached the tall brunette slowly, "Hey, Echo".

"Oh hi, Clarke!" The girl chirped.

Thankful for the girls chipper mood, Clarke used it to her advantage. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for Lincoln's party. I had a bit to drink, it was dark... there's really no excuse, but I'm sorry"

Echo looked up, meeting Clarke's gaze in the mirror, something akin to mischief filtered through her eyes before she turned around with a warm smile. "Don't worry about it. We both had a lot to drink, it's totally fine, I promise. You seemed to be having a bit of fun anyway" Echo pressed, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Hey, what's up with that Lexa girl by the way?" Echo continued, seemingly trying to convey something, but for the life of her, Clarke couldn't decipher what.

Clarke raised her eyebrows in question. "What do you mean?"

"It's just... anytime I'm around her she gets quiet and it's like she'll catch the plague if she looks at me" the brunette replied, choosing her words carefully.

"Oh... um... she's just shy. Took her six weeks to talk to me and we're still not exactly "friends" I don't think" Clarke reassured. "Just don't worry about it. I'm sure it's nothing"

"Hey Clarke! Are you in— oh" Lexa abruptly stopped as she came stumbling into the bathroom.

Both Echo and Clarke stood there eyeing Lexa, the latter hoping that she hadn't heard the last part of their conversation.

"Did I interrupt something?" Lexa spoke shyly, avoiding eye contact.

"No not at all! I was just leaving" Echo responded, winking at Clarke suggestively.

_Okay what was that about?_

Still Lexa avoided looking at the girl as she walked passed, but settled her gaze on Clarke. "I was just coming to find you to tell you we're leaving now. And I wanted to know if you'd be my partner?" Lexa mumbled as she shifted her weight from foot to foot.

"You won't drop me will you?" Clarke winked.

A playful smile turned its way to Lexa's full lips and she shook her head slowly. "Depends if you keep that attitude up".

* * *

To Clarke's astonishment, Lexa was surprisingly good at the rock climbing. The quickest time to complete Wall E was set at a minute and twenty five seconds, a record which had not been broken in ten years. A record which was now broken by none other than Lexa Woodsen, who completed the wall in fifty three seconds, taking into consideration a small slip up.

Everyone had stopped what they were doing to watch the girl, and Clarke felt pride in being her partner. Infact she would have felt pride either way, but it did help that her Lexa was the greatest rock wall climber Camp Jaha has ever had.

_Wait a minute. 'My Lexa'. Stop it Clarke. She's not yours. She's your partner and that's it._

Obviously everyone was in complete awe at the sheer ability of the brunette and everyone wanted to know how she managed it. But Clarke knew the answer already. Tris had told her on more than one occasion that their parents served in the special forces, and that Lexa grew up within that environment. She grew up training with her parents and fellow officers, she grew up learning the things they did. That obviously explained her stamina from the all day hike, thinking about it.

Tris had also let Clarke in on a few little secrets about Lexa, such that she loved toblerone, hence why Clarke had taken a handful of bars for the girl. But Lexa didn't need to know that, just seeing the smile on her face each time she devoured a bar was enough for Clarke.

Just thinking about a tiny Lexa running around on assault courses and doing little push-ups and even plastic weights made Clarke feel euphoric.

_Clarke... Clarke..._

"Hello! Clarke!" Lexa yelled, startling the blonde from her thoughts. "I know you're having a great time down there but do you think you could help me come down?" Lexa laughed at the redness rising up Clarke's face, having caught the girl day dreaming of sorts.

* * *

Eventually the time came for what Clarke was dreading most. Lexa sensed her discomfort since the beginning of the day and she figured that it would possibly settle over time. However quite the opposite had happened. Once they had reached the top platform of the structure which stood as high as the canopy, Clarke could hear the pulsing of her heart in her ears as if a bass drum was being thrashed infront of her, and she could feel the pulsing in the back of her throat like someone was punching her repetitively.

Lexa had never seen someone so petrified in their entire life. While Clarke's pale complexion suited her perfectly, she was now a ghostly pale which was sickening to the eye. The blonde was crouched down on her legs with her hands on her thighs and her head over her knees. Immediately, Lexa was by her side and was rubbing small circles on her back, whispering sweet nothings to calm the breaking girl infront of her.

After about ten minutes of coaxing, Clarke had finally lifted her head as her breathing evened out. It was then she could feel the friction of Lexa's hand rubbing circles on her back, and how _sweet_ the friction was. A hot shiver wracked the blonde's body and Lexa slightly withdrew her hand.

Instead of getting up and leaving like Clarke presumed she would, Lexa maneouvoured herself infront of Clarke and took the blondes hands in her own, rubbing light circles with her thumbs.

"Look me at" she spoke softly.

Clarke's gaze lifted, and cerulean met a warm forest of emerald, calm and reassuring.

"Hey pretty girl. I will be with you every step of the way, okay? I've got you, I won't let you fall" Lexa coaxed as she stared intensely into Clarke's eyes, as if trying to convey all the sincerity in the world.

_Pretty girl? Where did that come from?._

While Lexa was also internally vomiting at the sappiness of her own words, Clarke's face relaxed considerably, and she nodded her approval to get going. Well if "pretty girl" got the job done then that was fine by her, even Clarke didn't seem to mind the term of endearment either.

Lexa attached her clip harness to the rope wires above her head and stepped out onto the wooden and rope ladder, effectively suspending herself. She held out her hand and waited for Clarke who hesitantly stepped out on the ladder. Jumping off rocks and towers was one thing, but being suspended at at least five stories high was completely different. Might as well parachute from a plane at that height.

Lexa could see the fear creep back into Clarke's cold cerulean eyes, and she could feel the minuscule vibrations of Clarke's shaking hand in hers.

"Clarke. Clarke look at me. Clarke look at me, beautiful" Lexa encouraged, her hand never letting go of Clarke's.

_Back at it again, Lexa. Back at it again._

"Hey Clarke. Look at me. That's it, just keep looking at me. We're almost there, okay? You're doing so well. I'm so proud of you" Lexa continued, gently praising Clarke as she pulled the girl along the stretch of the ladder.

Soon enough they had reached the next platform and Clarke let out the longest relieved sigh before pulling Lexa, to her surprise, into a warm hug. The brunettes tense posture softened and her arms slowly fitted around Clarke's neck as she rested her head on the girls shoulder, being slightly taller had its advantages.

She tried not to notice the vanilla scent of Clarke's hair, or the warm breaths which she could feel brushing against her collarbone. She tried not to notice the tickle of Clarke's blonde locks in the crook of her neck. She also tried not to notice the way her heart rate picked up and a pooling sensation in her stomach arised as Clarke started to draw small patterns on her lower back, the blondes arms having found comfort around her waist.

Slowly Lexa retracted her arms, suddenly feeling very awkward with the endearing contact, because one; friends who were barely even friends did not hug each other with such passion, and two; something about the touch with Clarke was spawning a feeling so familiar and so desired. It was the feeling she had felt a month ago at Lincoln's when she was in the dark room with the mystery girl.

There was no way in hell that Lexa could be feeling something akin to what she felt that night for Clarke right now. No this had to be her confused and little, newly discovered gay brain. It was simply the sensual touch and nothing more. So Lexa pulled away from the blonde, smiling hesitantly and she swore she saw a look of hurt flash across those blue eyes. But she turned away, trying not to give it a second thought.

* * *

While everyone else had finished the course, Clarke had gladly taken the stairs back down to the ground, quietly kissing it in thanks to whatever higher powers prevented her from repainting the floor. Well most of that thanks had to go to Lexa, but the girl left to the next stage before Clarke could say anything.

_Did I push too far with the hug? Did I make her feel uncomfortable?_

The brunette had barely looked at Clarke afterwards, and she seemed to avoid the blonde at lunch, instead sitting with Harper and Maya on the opposite end of the dining area. It baffled Clarke to avail how Lexa could be so sweet and caring when she aided Clarke across the first stretch, and then be so withdrawn all of a sudden. The blonde only wanted to return her gratitude and thanks by means of a hug. A _hug_.

_But did it mean more than that? No! Shut up my stupid subconscious_.

If Clarke didn't know any better, she would think that Lexa was avoiding her, but she did know better, so she knew that Lexa was definitely avoiding her. The afternoon free time trickled in slowly like the beginning of a sun shower. There was already a floating trampoline in the lake, and the inflatable obstacle course was ready to go. It looked, to say the least, like a shitload of fun.

The students lined up for the course like the release of a new battlefield game. They were let on in groups of five and had to pass the first swing before another group of five were let on. Clarke was situated at the highest point of the course, waiting for Bellamy to swing across the gap infront of them. The idea was, you sit yourself on the inflated log and swing to the other side, while jumping off and down onto the slide which extended down to the water.

It was the very last part on the inflatable, and Clarke, along with a few others had made it in their first attempt which was a feat, considering the course was at least one hundred metres long. While Clarke was at the edge of the gap, waiting for Bellamy to get a move on, her eyes scanned the students who were either watching from the shore, sun-baking or who were playing sports.

She halted her scanning and her eyes widened at the sight before her. There Lexa Woodsen stood in the most delicious black bikini Clarke had ever seen. She hadn't gotten a good look at Lexa last night considering it was dark, and the previous day, the brunette hadn't gone swimming. So this was the first time Clarke got a proper look at the girl, and she certainly loved what she saw.

The brunette had her hair pulled up into a messy bun, and her sunnies were situated on top of her head. Her sun kissed skin and toned body was on full display, her tattoo wrapped perfectly around her bicep, and when she turned, Clarke got a glimpse of an entirely new tattoo on her spine. Her ass yet again caught the attention of whoever who was lucky enough to be behind her.

How much Clarke wanted to be behind the girl right now was excruciating, but she also felt a wave of anger and protectiveness wash over her. There Lexa was while the boys around her looked at her as if she was a piece of meat, objectifying her based on her looks alone. Clarke wanted nothing more than to cover the girl up and hide her from those thirsty eyes. While Clarke enjoyed looking at the girl, she at least had some dignity about her, and she liked Lexa for the adorably dorky and sweet person she could be.

It had nothing to do with jealousy, well it did. Clarke wished that she could be the only person that Lexa would reveal herself to, but she knew that was no longer a possibility seeing as how the brunette was back to ignoring her. All that back and fourth was giving her whiplash.

While Clarke stood there with a million thoughts racing through her mind, she failed to see Bellamy take off on the swing and failed to see it swing back on a path directly for her. Before she knew it, she heard the yells of what she thought were her name then she felt something crash into her back. The momentum was enough to send Clarke face first, belly first down to water below. The echo residuating from the smack on the water was impressive.

"BELLYFLOP!" Raven screamed in the distance.

Her stomach felt like it was on fire, despite the cool water submerging her skin. She heard a ringing in her ear and her vision was slightly blurry as she resurfaced. Vaguely she could make out the figures of her friends in hysterics, the rest of the student body cheering or with their phones out, apart from the teachers who were running around like headless chickens. Bellamy came swimming over immediately, wrapping an arm underneath Clarke's pits as he dragged her back to the shore.

They stumbled out to the sand as dozens crowded around, marvelling at the fiery red skin which spanned the length of Clarke's torso and abdomen, and part of her face. The girl knew she would be sporting blackened eyes and a bruised chest for weeks. Despite the shear stinging, Clarke couldn't help but laugh at the ordeal. Of course this would happen to her when she was checking out Lexa. If her body wasn't so batted, she'd of started to worry about whatever was left of her dignity.

_I guess this is karma then_.

* * *

The night continued on, and despite Clarke's little accident earlier, the girl was having a hell of a time. Lexa had tried to see if the girl was okay but she got muffled laughter and hooded eyes in response. She then further tried to help Clarke with rubbing some cream on her already swelling and bruising skin, which she procured from Clarke's over prepared toiletry supplies. Instead the blonde snatched the cream out of Lexa's hands and insisted she could do it herself.

The rest of the time Lexa spent watching Clarke, making sure she was okay, and a pang of jealousy struck her when she saw Clarke dancing up against Finn in a mix of seniors.

_That should be me. That could've been me._

The brunette huffed before finishing her drink and escaping back to her cabin much earlier than many of the other students. A few hours had passed and many students were already back in the cabins, the remaining few were being ushered back in for curfew, but Clarke wasn't one of them.

Lexa tried not to let her mind wander to the fact that Clarke could've been with Finn, but the more she tried to deny those thoughts, the more frustrated she got.

_Clarke is better than Finn. So much more better than Finn. She deserves someone better... someone like me. No! Stop it!_

Eventually the girl fell asleep and didn't notice the light footsteps of the blonde a few hours later. When she woke in the morning, Clarke was back in her sleeping bag fast asleep. The brunette scowled as last nights thoughts came rushing back, and her good mood turned instantly sour.

At breakfast she didn't bother to look at Clarke except for an occasional glare, much to the blonde's confusement. When the time came to chose canoe buddies for the all day canoe trip, Lexa immediately paired up with a girl she had spoken to a few times, Bree. The girl also played on the soccer team so at least she would have a good stamina for the day to come.

In the corner of her eye, Lexa saw Clarke pairing up with Finn. She scoffed aloud, rolling her eyes.

_Of course Clarke would pair up with Finn_.

She couldn't understand what she was feeling and she would certainly deny it had anything to do with Clarke. It had to of been the way Scooby over there flicked his Justin Bieber hair and so clearly drooled over Clarke. It was sickening to watch, but to the brunette's surprise, Clarke seemed to be completely into it. Despite the dark circles surrounding her eyes and the hunched posture of the blonde, she seemed to be in bliss and content with the idea Finn drooling over her like a lap dog.

_Maybe Clarke and Finn should bunk together._

* * *

"Hey, Griffin!" Raven boomed as she paddled up alongside Clarke and Finn, Luna situated in the back of the Latina's canoe.

Clarke frowned slightly. "Oh I see, you thought I was someone else" Raven teased wiggling her eyebrows.

"Of course not" Clarke spat.

Raven scoffed in response. "So how is that going for you? I see your little eye fucking sessions at Woodsen. Just talk to the girl!" she practically demanded.

"It's more difficult than that Rae..." Clarke trailed. "She's back to ignoring me and I— and I—"

"You like her!" Raven interrupted with excitement.

Sadness crossed Clarke's cerulean eyes, Raven noticing immediately. "Who wouldn't..." the girl murmured. "I'll tell you what I told Wells" she continued, "Lexa doesn't see me okay? All she see's is the exterior everyone else does. So what's the point."

The girls paddled on in relative silence, Clarke had lost sight of Lexa and her partner a while ago, so she found peace in the soothing trickling of the water running over her paddle, aswell as the splashes and shrieks of the students who could just not canoe. Raven being one of them. While the girl was Einstein reincarnate, she could not steer a canoe at all and eventually ended up on the other end of the wide river, wedging herself between the weeds and trees, despite Luna's cry to "just stop paddling".

Paddling downstream to the estuary they had visited on their first day during their hike went rather quickly, and Clarke just knew the hell it would be paddling back upstream and against the wind, a hellish combination. It was at times like that, that Clarke wished they were in a jet boat.

To sidetrack her mind, Clarke started singing to herself, Angus and Julia Stone's _Big Jet Plane,_ instead changing the lyrics to "big jet boat".

The wind was so horrific that without constant paddling, you'd be sure to end up five feet back. There was a sandbank situated at the half way point and Clarke and Finn were one of the first few pairs to reach it. In the distance Clarke could see Lexa and her partner struggling. The girl was fit and the girl was toned, but she was also petite. Many of the girl/girl pairs were the last to paddle in. So Clarke did what any good person would do, she waded through the water which was thankfully shallow enough for her to stand.

Once she reached Lexa's canoe, she tried her best to avoid the brunettes piercing emerald Forrest, but that was almost impossible. However, the girl's eyes hadn't held the same malice they did earlier at the beginning of the day. She looked almost thankful and relieved.

"You can stop paddling now, I've got you" Clarke spoke, as Lexa exhaled a puffed nod, placing her oar horizontal along the canoe.

Clarke took hold of the small handle at the front of the canoe and starting pulling it behind her as she waded back to the sandbar. Raven watched on with a shit eating grin, winking suggestively at Clarke before the blonde flipped her off.

"Thanks" Lexa murmured.

"Not a problem" Clarke responded with a tight lip smile, walking off before Lexa could say anything.

* * *

It was their third and final night at Camp Jaha. Another bonfire was set, but instead of the water activities and dancing under the stars, the students gathered around the fire talking about life after graduation. Raven had left with Wells, who returned ten minutes later. The Latina shared a smirk with Clarke and nodded her head. It seemed their camp prank was the go.

After Thelonious concluded his speech about how wonderful the seniors of Arkadia were, Wells carried on with Raven's plan and started talking about myths and legends surrounding the land. He spoke of a massacre which occurred 200 years ago, hundreds of people were killed and their bodies dumped in the lake. Little did the teachers know, this was completely false and only set the atmosphere for later events.

Wells was the quite the actor, and after his story, the teachers were substantially shaken and a little on edge. Clarke had to admit, if she didn't know it was part of the prank, she would've believed him. The seniors retreated back to cabins after campfire damper and marshmallows, they had some preparing to do.

Back at the cabins, the students were getting their snorkels and swimmers, some students had brought in ratty old clothes which they messed up to give a 'zombie like' appearance. Lexa sensed the awkward tension between Clarke and herself almost immediately, having been back in the company of the blonde.

"You know, I know you probably think I was with Finn last night. I wasn't" Clarke spoke over her shoulder as she pulled out her gear.

Lexa's eyes snapped up to back of Clarke's head. "You weren't?!" She said, a little too quickly.

"No, dummy!" Clarke turned and playfully swatted Lexa's arm. "I was in the camp nurses office while she gave me some more cream and ice packs."

"Well that's good I guess" Lexa mumbled, having feeling really stupid about the jealousy she was too proud to admit.

"I don't like him... Finn." Clarke specified. "We dated but it didn't work. He's just a friend, and he knows that." Clarke smiled fondly at Lexa.

Emerald eyes met cerulean and Clarke was sure she saw a flash of relief in Lexa's eyes.

"Come on, we don't want to be late" Clarke nodded, in the direction out of the cabin.

* * *

So the ghost stories had done their job perfectly and the teachers were frightened. But now they were in for the fright of their life. Bellamy Blake, the lucky shit was randomly selected to be the 'dead student'. Raven lathered him up in fake prop blood and positioned him where to lay. She then bolted out into the shrubs and blasted some pre-recorded scream of the boy, accompanied by muffled eery voices, which was set up through a portable speaker she engineered specifically so that the teachers could hear it.

She then quietly made her way back into the lake and signalled to a waiting Wells before positioning her snorkel over her head. It was a cloudy night, and the coverage aided in their camouflage. Within minutes, camp staff and teachers had ended up outside in their boots and robes. The year coordinator found Bellamy a few minutes later and started shrieking, the other teachers soon followed suit. This was the cue for the students to emerge from the water, making ungodly noises and grunts as they staggered in the direction of the teachers, dripping wet.

The octave of screams increased and it was possibly the greatest moment of Raven's life. The teachers look genuinely petrified beyond belief. Wells then blasted some spot lights on the students to end the charade and to prevent any heart attacks from occurring. Sinclair did not look impressed at all.

Lexa was sure that she'd get the lecturing of a life time when she got home but it was totally worth it. Greatest first, and last school camp ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone says that Clarke's fear doesn't make sense, I did research on the technicality of it and it is real. So back right up on that :P comments/kudos really appreciated. Keep letting me know what you like or what you want to happen! Please! :) until next chapter, the last chapter of retreat!
> 
> P.S. I'm going to start a new AU aswell, it's away from the alternative universe genre and is based in the 100 verse. So keep an eye out for it! I'll drop more details later on!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 of retreat is here for the first bit of the chapter. Then it's back to the halls of Arkadia. A moment some of you have been waiting for and a seriously cute clexa moment with some angst of course :P
> 
> Also... appreciate my puns please.

The last day of retreat was upon them sooner than Clarke anticipated and sooner than she would've liked. The teachers were still grumpy from last night, and the chattering students triumphing over their escapades certainly didn't help to lighten the mood.

Again the students were treated to a large cook-up, similar to that of the first morning, despite the pleas of some of the teachers, namely Charles Pike, that the students shouldn't be rewarded with such a feast.

Clarke and her delinquents laughed at the bald man as he slumped back into his chair muttering under his breath, more and likely curses or insults. What was even more hilarious was the fact it was Pike. The man never seemed to catch up break from the students. And Clarke knew first hand that home room was already tough on the man, but even on retreat he suffered.

But Clarke certainly didn't worry herself about trivial things such as that. Instead her mind was on a certain brunette, and not for the first time. Something about last night spiked curiosity in the blonde. Lexa had previously shown a side of herself that Clarke didn't think she would see, a caring and compassionate side. Lexa had supported Clarke and helped her in her most vulnerable state, and most of all, it had worked. Rarely did people ever see Clarke in such a way but Lexa had and she helped in a way that no one had before.

Then, last night she could swear she saw a flood of relief cross Lexa's face after she told the brunette that she wasn't involved with Finn. But _why_?

It was definitely odd because Lexa didn't like her, _did she?_ It was all becoming a blur now and the more Clarke thought about it, the more she thought about and tried to make sense of her feelings for the girl. She had never felt so safe around someone in her entire life, and she certainly never felt as protective over someone who wasn't family as she did over Lexa. It also certainly wasn't nothing that it actually hurt when the brunette pulled away and ignored her momentarily.

She replayed the events of the past few days over and over in her mind and she kept ending at the same conclusion.

 _I think I have feelings for Lexa Woodsen_.

How could she possibly have feelings fo her though? It was insane because in reality they had barely known each other for two months, but emotionally she felt as if she known the girl for eternity. They had clicked and she was sure Lexa had felt it too.

Clarke wasn't one to indulge in fantasies and stories of star crossed lovers, in fact she completely despised movies like _The Titanic_ and _Romeo & Juliet_, simply because she found the whole idea that such a love to exist was equivalent to breathing in space without life support. Aswell as the fact the movies themselves were highly overrated.

But now she was questioning even that. Within two months, the girl that she had set out not to give a damn about was now all the blonde could think about and feel about. If Clarke was telling the truth, her mind wasn't even occupied with the girl from Lincoln's party anymore. No. It was Lexa and only Lexa.

All that mental exercise was emotionally exhausting and Clarke couldn't wait to spend her energy on more physical things, like the water rafting they'd be doing before their buses came. At least then she would be able to focus on something else other than the beautiful brunette who had stolen every thought the blonde had.

* * *

After the safety induction and rundown of the day, the students were then split into groups of eight per raft. Lexa found herself in a group with Clarke, Lincoln, Octavia, Monty, Harper, Jasper and Maya.

It was awkward to say the least. Although everyone knew each other and were friends, Lexa considered these people as her friends, apart from Octavia who she hadn't really spoken to on her own, Clarke and Lexa were left to themselves due to the fact that the people surrounding them all happened to each other's significant others. It was as if the girls were seventh, and eighth wheeling.

"So it looks like it's you and me again" Clarke piped up.

The brunette turned to her with a smirk. "I guess so. Have you ever been white water rafting before?"

"Once when I was little" the blonde sighed wistfully.

Lexa picked up on Clarke's tone and chose not to press any further on the matter. The two continued in comfortable chatter as they paddled their raft, guided by Roan, down toward the rapids. The first fall was small and jerky, which had everyone clinging to the raft in uncertain excitement. The second fall was slightly bigger than the first and Clarke broke into hysterics when Murphy, Finn and Raven's raft capsized. Lexa decided then and there that she could listen to Clarke's laugh for the rest of her life.

The rapids continued further down the river in the direction back to camp. There was a solid kilometre of white water which jerked and shook the raft. Jasper, the clutz he was almost fell overboard to everyone's amusement. The final stretch back to camp was peaceful and flat, the instructors even told the students they could jump out and swim if they wanted to.

The water was absolutely pristine and beautiful. The temperature was perfect and reminded Lexa of the vacations she used to take with her parents when she was younger. Together, Lexa and Clarke floated on their backs down the last few hundred metres, occasionally brushing each other and smiling up at the sky. She could stay like this forever, but reality kicked in when Raven came barrelling into Clarke as the water got shallow, effectively splashing and startling Lexa in the process.

After cleaning themselves up, the students started to gather their belongings from the cabins. Lexa was about to walk into their bathroom area when she accidentally knocked a familiar book that was situated on Clarke's luggage off and onto the floor. The pages flung open to where a pen was creased in the centre and Lexa got a look of a drawing on the displayed page.

Clarke waltz in at that exact moment and Lexa was caught like a deer in the headlights, thinking back her first day at Arkadia when she accidentally saw a different drawing in Clarke's book. Then it dawned on her.

_This was Clarke's same sketch book._

The brunette looked up at Clarke with apologetic eyes. Part of her was waiting for Clarke to blow up at her like she did that first day, part of her wanted the blonde to, but part of her also wanted Clarke to let her see everything there was to see about the girl. Part of her wanted Clarke to be open and not hide away from her. Before she could say anything, Clarke surprised her, partly.

"You can look if you want..." the blonde mumbled.

Lexa looked dumbstruck as her gaze flashed between Clarke and her book. "I'm sorry... I accidentally knocked it and—" it all came tumbling out of Lexa, the girl looked almost scared, to Clarke's amusement.

Clarke giggled. "It's okay, Lex" she responded, and Lexa tried not to think about what the nickname was doing to her. "Here..." Clarke continued as she bent down and handed Lexa the book.

"Clarke... you're sure?" Lexa cautioned.

"I wouldn't be handing it to you if I wasn't" the blonde smiled warmly.

Lexa took the book from Clarke and sat at the edge of the bed, Clarke coming to sit beside her. Some of the pages were slightly worn out, it looked as if it were an old book and there must have been over a hundred pages in it while it was only half way full. As Lexa admired the drawings, tracing her deft fingers over the patterns and lines gently, she reached the sketch she remembered seeing from the first day at Arkadia.

She didn't exactly get a proper look at the sketch at first, but the fact that Clarke had now given her the book to look at, knowing full well that Lexa would see the sketches made her heart flutter. She traced the lines of her jaw and the waves in her hair. The blonde had captured her so well in this drawing, and she could feel the beginnings of tears well in her eyes. No one had ever actually drawn her, much less captured her so incredibly as Clarke had. She wondered if Clarke saw her as the way she drew her. Every feature of hers in this sketch was soft as if Clarke had sketched with hands of silk.

The brunette quickly turned the page and continued on through the book, hoping Clarke hadn't noticed the tears welling in her eyes. There were some scenery landscapes and sketches of school, but a common sketch she seemed to find was of a female figure, her face obscured and always within cluttered surroundings.

"Who is she?" Lexa asked softly. "You keep drawing her"

Cerulean eyes met with an emerald forest, and the blonde stuttered slightly. "Uhhhh...". She huffed out a held in breath and settled on a smile, avoiding the question altogether.

Lexa shrugged and continued on looking through the book until she got to the page last sketched on. Again, Lexa was looking at herself but Clarke had captured her a different way. She was asleep, her hair splayed over one shoulder. The sketch looked peaceful and Lexa tried to think of when Clarke had even seen her like this to sketch.

She glanced toward Clarke with a look of question, the blonde picked up on it immediately.

"I like to watch you sleep..." she started, nervously twiddling her thumbs. "I won't get to see you sleep anymore so I thought I would draw you, that way I can always watch you sleep. I hope it's not weird or anything— Lexa?"

The brunette couldn't help it now. Her eyes welled with tears as she sniffled, and a single droplet slid down her high cheekbones and met Clarke's awaiting finger at the brunettes jaw. Her touch was gentle and soothing, and left a burning sensation in it's trail. Lexa revelled in it, leaning forward into Clarke's hand. She closed her eyes and let the intensity of the moment settle in, before Clarke's intoxicating husk filled her ears.

"You're so beautiful, Lexa. I just had to say that, at least once".

The brunette could smell Clarke's perfume and the freshness of her breath as she felt the warmth of the blonde close the distance between them.

* * *

She definitely hadn't been thinking straight. She was thinking gay. No, In fact she hadn't been thinking at all. She never let anyone look at her sketchbook, not even her friends, her mother or even Aden. Her sketches were the most private and precious possession she had, yet she had so willingly handed the book over to Lexa. And why?

She didn't know. Because she didn't know anything when she was around Lexa. Everything she did within the girls presence was of impulse and reaction. Around Lexa she felt as if her nerve endings were on fire, just screaming for her to give in to the brunette. So she did that, at least she tried to.

The girl was so damn beautiful, so precious, so innocent and Clarke wanted so badly to taste those full lips. So badly to feel the brunette against her and know that she was hers and no one else's. She wanted so badly to put an end to the internal misery that was her denied pining for Lexa.

Okay so maybe she didn't quite understand the depth of her feelings or attraction to Lexa. But in a couple of seconds, she would... _not_.

She heard a breath hitch in Lexa's throat as she was less than a centimetre away. She gently hovered over the brunette's plump lips, revelling in the smell of the girl, taking her in through as many senses as possible. She felt her heart beat like a jackhammer in her chest, but she didn't care. She licked her lips and right before she closed the gap—

"Hey Clarke, are you— _OH_!" Octavia blurted as the two girls separated at light speed, faces flushed and eyes as wide as saucers. "Am I interrupting?"

Clarke look mortified. Yet again she had been so transfixed and captivated by Lexa that she was about to kiss the girl without a care in the world on who would see or who would walk in. She didn't even register if Lexa wanted to or not, or if she even liked girls for that matter. It was selfish in a way for Clarke to think she could just take Lexa and devour those pink, plump lips. But again, Lexa drove her to those impulses and it was becoming almost impossible to resist.

_Stop it. Stop it. Stop it._

"Not at all" Lexa immediately piped up as she rose from the bed. "I was just on my way to the bus. Here..." Lexa gestured, giving the sketchbook back to Clarke who nodded slightly.

Before she knew it, Lexa was out of the cabin and out of Clarke's view, but what a view it was if she was being honest. The blonde turned back to Octavia to see a royally pissed off look on the girls face.

"You don't even let _me_ look at your book but you let _Lexa_? That's so unfair!" The smaller girl complained as she stomped her foot like a five year old.

While Clarke knew that her friend was only teasing, she was still annoyed that she had interrupted such a precious moment.

"Shut up, O" she snapped, as she was met back with a mischievous grin.

There seemed to be a lot of those going around.

* * *

The following week back at Arkadia was nothing different to previous weeks. Nothing different at all, because Lexa had avoided Clarke on the Friday, then the brunette ignored Clarke's texts and calls over the weekend. It was torture for the blonde.

She couldn't help but think she had ruined her... whatever it was with Lexa. She was so sure that Lexa had wanted it in the moment because she didn't shy away. But what if it was all only in the moment. What if Lexa didn't reciprocate the same feelings. The least she could do was tell Clarke, it would certainly put a stop to the pining and brooding that the blonde had been doing all weekend.

Even Aden had noticed Clarke was slightly off after coming back from camp. The blonde had been moping all weekend, checking her phone as if her life depended on it until Aden had had enough.

"Okay Clarke! What is going on?" Aden demanded as he stood over his sister, sprawled out on the couch.

Clarke's sighed. "Nothing. Did you need help with your homework?" She quickly changed the topic.

After years of being her little brother, Aden was partly offended that Clarke thought she could fool him that easily.

"Really? So this has nothing to do at all about Lexa?" At the mention of the brunette name, Clarke sprung up off the couch.

_Yes. Of course it had everything to do with Lexa._

"What do you mean?" Clarke pressed, her brows furrowing, concern evident in her tone.

A smirk pulled at the edges of Aden's lips. "Well Tris has been saying that since retreat, Lexa has been... not herself"

_Not herself?_

What did that mean. _She_ was the one who took off from Clarke and had been ignoring the poor blonde. It seemed the brunette was pretty sure of what was happening and this was simply her way of saying she wasn't interested. So why was she acting strange?

"Yeah you know, I think she might have gotten a bug. Octavia said she was feeling a bit cruddy too." Clarke recovered.

In reality she knew Octavia was completely fine because she had skyped the girl earlier that day. But she didn't want to be having this conversation at all, and certainly not with the boyfriend of Lexa's younger sister, even if it was Aden.

* * *

Monday had trickled by slowly but it seemed period five AP chem with Mrs Hu couldn't wait to say hello. Lexa had ignored Clarke all of Friday and all of the weekend, she knew this, and she knew that Clarke knew this too.

The truth of the matter was that she was completely petrified. She knew what happened, or was about to happen between her and Clarke that morning, but she had no idea what to do or how to handle the situation. She had never had someone like that, let alone been kissed by someone before, if you don't count Lincoln's party.

Everything about what happened and was going to happen was completely unfamiliar and Lexa wasn't accustomed to unfamiliar. Everything she did was augmented and had purpose, it was how she liked it, but Clarke Griffin just had to waltz in and ruin it all.

Sometimes she wondered if she should tell Clarke that she's never had a relationship. Sometimes she wondered if she should tell Clarke she'd never actually been kissed. _Apart from Lincoln's party_. But that party seemed like it was a world away right now, so did it really count? But then she thought about what Clarke would think.

She knew she had established some kind of friendship, if you could call caressing each other, and almost kisses that, but she also couldn't help the feeling that a girl as experienced as Clarke might lose interest if she told her, or ever worse, if Lexa gave herself to Clarke that the blonde would just root and boot her.

Lexa's virginity was always something she held dear. It's not like she was saving herself for marriage but she wanted to be able to give herself to someone and be certain that they'll stick around. Her virginity was something to be given, not to be stolen by someone who isn't worth it.

The brunette knew something was there between herself and Clarke though. You'd have to be blind not to see it, and you'd have to be paralysed not to feel it. It was there and it was real. It felt so real and Lexa had never felt real before, and the only thing she knew how to be was cautious about her feelings.

It was easy before with the girl at Lincoln's because it was a moment in the dark, a moment where she wasn't Lexa Woodsen. It was almost a brief attachment and she was glad that it had stopped where it did, not to say she regretted it. She didn't know who the girl was, and she was sure the girl didn't know who she was, but right now she knew Clarke, and Clarke was there, waiting it seemed. But _why_?

She saw Clarke through everything and the idea that the blonde beauty who had once been the person who hurt her, was now the person who was slowly owning her heart was scary.

Lexa knew what love is, at least she thought she did, because if she was honest, she had probably googled over a hundred sites on it. This wasn't love. Not yet, but the not yet was what stumped her. The "what if's" and the possible feelings to come had her wanting to run for the hills and away from Clarke Griffin, because while she knew Clarke could be her salvation, she could also be her undoing.

So there she was, stuck in AP Chem trying intently to listen to Mrs Hu, trying to focus all her attention on the teacher up front, but she was distracted by the cerulean pools staring holes into her. The brunette chanced a glance over at the blonde and gulped when she saw a look of urge and frustration on the blonde's face.

She knew it was kind of wrong to ignore someone after an almost kiss, but she simply couldn't be around Clarke Griffin. She wasn't afraid of what the blonde would do, she was afraid of what she would do. From the day they met, the brunette had always felt a pull towards the blonde, but now it was stronger than ever.

All she could think about when she was near blonde was how much she wanted to have that moment again back at camp. How much the urge on Clarke's face had reflected her own so perfectly.

_What is happening to me?!_

Confused with her thoughts, and clearly unable to focus on Mrs Hu, Lexa did what she did best. She decided to write. It had been a while since she had but she thought that she could at least make sense of the scramble that was her brain right now.

  
_Thou hast mine heart within hands of gold_  
_Persuaded by beauty, to her 'tis sold._  
_How many a night that I should be_  
_Sleepless in desperation, tranced by she._

 _O! Gracious maiden who's being so pure_  
_Thou must be bewildered, confused, unsure._  
_Has thou not noticed mine confession for thee?_  
_For no other maiden I've confessed but she._

 _Thou've mislead thinself with deceiving eyes_  
_Bewitched by her beauty, persuaded by lies._  
_Perhaps it is so that fate be so cold_  
_For punishing thineself for being so bold._

 _I hast faith in a time for her to see_  
_That the only real girl for her is me._  
_And locked in mine heart this maiden will be._

* * *

For weeks, the upcoming match with Azgeda High was all the students and faculty were talking about. The rivalry between Arkadia and Azgeda was definitely one for the history books. While most of their varsity teams struggled to beat Arkakia, their volleyball team was considerably good, almost as good as Arkadia. _Almost_.

The tension in the gym was of atmospherical propotions. The freshman/sophomore team had only just won their matches against the Azgeda team. The senior team however was much more calculating and ruthless with Nia Queen as their captain. She was in honesty equally talented as Clarke, but she lacked the sportsmanship and humblesness.

In the distance, while stretching Clarke could see Lexa make her way onto the bleachers with Tris and Aden. While Lexa would always been seen cheering for Tris, this was the first time Clarke had seen the girl at one of her own matches. It must've just been the fact the entire school was pretty much in attendance to see their senior varsity volleyball team compete against their rivals, also the fact that if they won this game, they would make it into finals, then hopefully state playoffs.

"She's not going to be a problem is she?" Octavia sniggered from where she was stretching.

Clarke rolled her eyes. Octavia had been relentless with her teasing since walking in on a moment between the two girls. The blonde could already feel a migraine kicking in. "You're the only one looking at her, besides there's nothing going on. Nothing ever will." Clarke sounded downcast as she finished speaking.

"You sure about that, Griff?" Octavia sounded almost pitiful. "You realise she hasn't stopped watching you since you started stretching" Clarke's head snapped up to where Lexa was looking, all to see the girl immediately look away with a visible flush on her face, even from the bleachers.

Clarke turned to back to a giggling Octavia. "I'll bench you." She threatened, which shut the smaller girl up right away.

The players had taken court while the stadium calmed down, allowing the the players some quiet concentration. The first serve was was powerful jump serve by Clarke, sending the ball crashing down into Azdega's half. The poor receiver had no hope of digging which earn't a deathly glare from Nia. The next serve gave through to a short rally, which Arkadia had won again.

As the match continued, Clarke could see her little brother and Tris jump up with linked hands as they screamed in approval. But what made her heart flutter was the enormous smile which pulled to Lexa's face each time Arkadia won a point. The first match was an easy win at 25-13 in favour of Arkadia. But Clarke knew that the next matches against Azgeda would be much harder. They always started off slow, but built themselves up.

The next match was won yet again by Arkadia, and they only needed to win one more for the night. But that's when Azgeda hit hard. In the third match, Octavia was within the first line. Although she was small, she had a hell of a jump and a feistyness which rivalled no other. While blocking a rather powerful spike, the girl caught the ball directly in the face and fell awkwardly on her ankle.

On the sidelines, Bellamy and Lincoln had jumped out of their seats screaming at the R1 to do something. However the accident was not an illegal move. Octavia was carried off court and tended to on the sidelines, leaving a stressful Clarke to figure out her replacement. The matches were eventually tied and whoever won the fifth and final match would go to finals, but without Octavia there was a slim chance of that happening.

The girl brought something else to the team that no one could match, not even Clarke. Clarke had replaced Octavia with a freakishly tall junior. It evidently was the right move, because Azgeda struggled to get the ball past her blocks.

The gym erupted into cheers as the final point was one by Arkadia, sending them to finals. In the crowd, Clarke could see Lexa cheering. Whether it was for her or the team, it didn't matter, either way her heart still skipped a beat.

* * *

After the students had slowly shuffled their way out of the gym, Aden and Tris made a beeline for Clarke, both teens tackling the girl to the floor.

"Oomf—" Clarke huffed as she was momentarily winded.

"Awesome game Clarke—

"Yeah awesome game cap'n! I knew you could beat those iceholes!" Tris exclaimed having _cracked_ the pun so many times, it was getting _cold_.

Lexa trailed behind the two teens, smiling awkwardly as Clarke wrestled the kids to push herself up. When Clarke looked at her, she felt herself instantly heat up. She knew Clarke was beautiful but this time, looking at the girl was a whole new feeling coursing through her, and it wasn't unwelcomed.

"You played a great game, Clarke." Lexa spoke, formal as ever trying to hide the internal combustion taking place in her body.

"Thanks". It almost came out as a whisper from the blonde.

The two girls stood staring at each other, cerulean mixing with emerald in the most beautiful way. Lexa slightly faltered, having realised a little too late that Tris had apparently snuck off and was no where to be seen. Thank God though, she didn't know how much longer she could control the raging heat pulsing down to her centre. The same feeling she felt when that girl had her hands on her at Lincoln's except, Clarke was at least a solid metre away. That was the effect the blonde had on her now.

"Umm" the brunette stuttered. "I should be finding Tris, it's kind of late." Lexa awkwardly dropped her gaze, only to realise she was staring at Clarke's breasts instead.

The blonde noticed immediately and a large smirk pulled to her face, however she remained silent, not wanting to make Lexa feel any more uncomfortable that she already looked.

"Sure, goodnight Lexa" Clarke responded in that perfect husk of hers before sauntering off.

Lexa looked everywhere. Honestly, _everywhere_. She was beginning to think Tris had vanished off the face of the earth, or had been abducted by aliens. She made her way back into the gym, retracing her steps. Still, no sign of her sister or Aden. She decided she would have a look in the lockers, see if Clarke was still there or if Aden and Tris were there.

As she neared the gym lockers, she immediately paused upon hearing her name. She tip toed a little closer and put her ear against the door in attempt to hear what was being said.

"Stop trying to deny it Griff, I've known you since the womb. I think I would know when you have the hots for someone" Octavia blurted.

"Quiet!" Clarke's hushed.

"What's the big deal? No ones here to hear us!" Octavia yelled as if testing her point.

Clarke swatted her friends leg before swapping the ice on the girls ankle. "So are you're coming to Lincoln's for Halloween?"

Upon hearing Lincoln's name, Lexa immediately zoned in a little closer on what was being said.

"I dont know, O. Maybe" Clarke shrugged.

Octavia tilted her head to the side, as if trying to read Clarke's expressions. "Still nothing on your girl then?"

This got Lexa interested.

_Clarke's girl? Clarke has a girlfriend?_

"She's not my girl, she's not my anything, O. But no" Clarke sighed. "I dont know, maybe I was just imagining it all"

_Imagining what? It couldn't be..._

Lexa's heart rate started to the thrum in her chest, as her less than subconscious fantasies got the better of her. The silence following Clarke's last words was deafening, Lexa was almost about to leave before Clarke's familiar husk filled her ears.

"I just... I want to feel like that again, you know? I felt bad because I kind of ditched Echo but there was something about that girl. I've never felt like I wanted something that bad in my entire life" Clarke murmured.

"I know what you mean" Octavia responded.

"I'm glad it wasn't though... wasn't Echo" Clarke clarified. "It was the greatest few minutes of my life, O. Sexually that is. If I was back there right now in that room, I would find out who she is, and I would make sure she wouldn't run."

Before Lexa knew it, her legs were moving in the opposite direction. She was sprinting as fast as she could out the school and away from Clarke. She had an inkling but she never thought more of it. But now it was confirmed and she couldn't believe her ears.

She couldn't believe that the girl who had etched her way into her heart was also the girl who had inadvertently stolen it at the beginning of the semester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my beautiful bean, you know who you are! I write these fics for fans, but I write these as much for you as I do myself. Daddy long legs also looked fucking gorgeous last episode. I cried.
> 
> I've brought back the poetry, again an original so copyright bitch. But the poetry if some of you noticed, has started with Lexa's train of thought but it melds into what Clarke is thinking aswell. So there's a little stitch up for you. 
> 
> Things have taken a big turn in this chapter and a certain little birdie flew in on a conversation she wasn't meant to hear. Now what happens? ;) I'd like to hear what you guys think, and who guessed that Lexa would be the one to find out first?!
> 
> Comments/kudos appreciated!! :)


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING* this is an intense bathroom scene which may be a trigger for some people - skip over it if you need to.
> 
> This picks up from right where last chapter ended. I had a little writers block because I took time completely off anything to do with this AU lol but here it is. There is a lot of angst in this but there is also some release in this! I have tried my best to analyse Lexa's thought patterns and processes, there's a lot of that in this chapter aswell. Because I know some people don't like the whole "I'm here, no I'm not" thing which I've slowly built. So I've tried to explain motives and actions in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it! And umm, it's Halloween too! 
> 
> Also please read the notes! I know quite a few people skip them but I have an important question so if you enjoy this fic or care about its continuance past the next however many chapters, READ THE NOTES.

 "Did you hear that?" Clarke said, grabbing Octavia's forearm.

The smaller girl looked up with an oblivious expression on her face. "Hmm?"

Clarke stood up, looking around the lockers. "I heard footsteps. Must be nothing" the blonde shrugged.

Less than a second later, Aden came sprinting in startling both girls half to death. The boy's lips canted upwards and a mischievous smile pulled to his lips.

"Did I interrupt some girl talk?" The boy teased.

Clarke sighed at her brother, rolling her eyes. "No you didn't."

"I so did!" He retorted back with a shit eating grin on his face. "It must annoy you, knowing your fifteen year old brother has more game than you".

Octavia burst into laughter as she high-fived Aden. Clarke sat there looking mortified before she went to lunge at her brother. Forgetting she still had Octavia's leg along hers, she tripped in the process. The laughter from both Octavia and Aden increased ten fold as the blonde awkwardly sat up rubbing her chin.

"You only just turned fifteen, Aden, so technically you're still fourteen" the blonde grunted as she looked up at her brother with a glare while he did a celebratory dab, matched with a wide grin.

"You fucking just did not!" Clarke exclaimed, a look of disbelief at her brothers 'dab'. "You can walk home". 

* * *

Another weekend had come and gone and Lexa was still mulling over her new found revelation. The girl she had been secretly pinning after was none other than Clarke Griffin, senior captain of the varsity volleyball team, and the girl she had feelings for.

Whether or not she should tell the blonde it was her who she was with at the party so long ago was not the only thing on her mind. Instead her worries took the the cake.

_What's if I'm not good enough? What if she doesn't like me like that? What if she's just using me and will leave me? What if... what if... what if...?_

The poor brunette didn't know what to do, It's not like she could talk to anyone. Not her parents, not her sister, not her new friends. No one. She was completely and utterly alone like a baby deer in the wilderness. It was obvious that the brunette hadn't quite understood the depth of her feelings for Clarke, and that everyday she saw the girl, those feelings increased. But through all of that, she didn't know if she could trust the blonde.

She didn't know if she could put her faith in a girl she legitimately barely knew, but a girl she felt that she knew all the same, while hoping she wouldn't just rip out her heart and stomp all over it. But Lexa was in luck. It was as if the universe had heard her silent pleas for help, and a friendly face flashed on the laptop screen before her.

"Anya! Thank God you're alright!" Lexa exclaimed as confusion grew on her friends face.

Anya smirked in response. _"Of course I'm alright, come on Lex, it's me"_

_Always so cocky._

Yet again though, her friend's psychic ability kicked in and she immediately noticed a dip in Lexa's demeanour. She began asking the girl if people were still bullying her or if she was having any problems. Reluctantly, Lexa had ended up telling Anya about her revelation of Clarke. If there was anyone to tell, it was Anya. Her best friend always knew what to say and do in instances like this.

 _"Lex, do you like her?"_ Anya asked in a serious tone _._

"I dont know" Lexa sighed.

Anya looked exasperated at her best friend's response. The girl always made her work hard for her answers. _"Either you do or you don't, hon."_

"Fine" the brunette huffed. "Yes. I do. I like her. But I just can't help this feeling that it's all going to come crashing down on me. And she'll be okay but I'll be left to pick up the pieces. I just don't know if I can trust her."

Anya gave a knowing nod, seemingly thinking about what to say next. _"It's not really love if you don't feel that way. Love is knowing and giving someone the power to do that, but trusting in them not to."_

Lexa had pondered over Anya's advice all weekend. She layed out her options before her; on one hand she could tell Clarke and maybe, just maybe Clarke would feel the same way and accept Lexa for all she is. Or she could tell Clarke and risk the girl not wanting anything to do with her. Or even further, she could tell Clarke, but have the blonde leave her for inexperience or just to have her way with Lexa.

On the other hand, she could continue ignoring Clarke and hope that whatever feelings she has will disappear. She could do everything in her power to make sure that Clarke would get the hint and leave her alone. But a small part of her knew that the blonde would be too stubborn for that.

* * *

Clarke Griffin was a girl who got what she wanted when she wanted. She was used to getting her way, particularly with women or men. She was rarely ever denied, in fact no one had ever denied her. Some cases she had to work a little harder for those who played hard to get, but never had someone been as bold as Lexa.

Never had someone led her to the raw emotions and feelings she felt now than Lexa. Never had someone made her feel that way she was, so real and passionate. And never had someone just pushed her further away and hurt her more than Lexa did.

The girl had a plan, a fantastic plan. She was going to confront Lexa, tell her exactly how she feels, if she can even explain what that is. She would be persistent and show the brunette that she is serious about her feelings and show the brunette that despite her reputation, she was in it for the long haul. Because she wanted Lexa Woodsen. She wanted the entire package. She wanted everything to do with Lexa and everything that was Lexa down to the microscopical crumbs of it all. But as fate would have it, her plan was rudely interrupted.

She hadn't seen Lexa all day, but there was no avoiding her in chemistry. Upon entering her class, she had hoped to see the brunette, the innocently beautiful and precious brunette in her seat next to Clarke. However the blonde was pulled aside by Mrs Hu.

"Miss Griffin, a word please" the teacher spoke formally, gesturing to the side.

"Of course Mrs Hu, is there a problem?" Clarke asked, confusion evident in her tone.

She was met with a small smile. "No, no problem Miss Griffin. Just some partner reallocation. A student has requested a different lab partner, so you will be joining Mr Wallace instead of Miss Woodsen"

 _You will be joining Mr Wallace instead of Miss Woodsen_.

There was absolutely no trace of malice or venom in Mrs Hu's tone, but there was an inadvertent, overflowing amount in her words.

 _A student_.

Did Lexa think she was an idiot? It was quite obvious considering the brunette had snuck in without even looking at herself or the teacher. There Clarke was, ready to make a move. Ready to fight Lexa to the bitter end and confess her feelings, which she had never done to someone before. Instead she pushed all that aside for the hurt and rage which was boiling inside her body. Then it dawned on her that someone in Lexa's position may think of someone like Clarke as using and disposing of her like trash, a 'fuckgirl'. In Clarke's defence, she would never do that, never even think of doing to the girl for that matter.

She was there to tell the brunette exactly that in her planned confrontation, but then there was the brunette, doing exactly what Clarke was not going to do, dispose her like trash. The pit of rage built itself up even more in blonde and she almost thought she'd black out from it.

_How heartless can someone be?_

Yes, Clarke had her moments and was an utter cow to the brunette, but she had thought there was someone there, something more, something real. At least she thought there was with how the brunette was acting, and the way Lexa led her on. It was in that moment, upon in a way losing the brunette that she realised the extent of her feelings. And it hurt like hell.

This whole time the brunette had been leading her on only to discard her. She had been so focused on what she could do and how she should treat Lexa in order to prevent that from happening, and to make the girl stick around, but all of that was for nothing. And just like that, she had herself a new plan, a new idea. And while it was a slightly petty though process, blood must have blood.

_Two can play at the game._

She felt a warm hand on her shoulder, pulling her back from her thoughts. "Mrs Griffin? Are you alright?"

Clarke hadn't even noticed the tears in her eyes at that point. Tears of sadness, but mostly tears of anger, if there was a thing. The girl quickly looked to floor before hastily wiping her eyes.

"Yes I'm fine. Allergies."

 _Yeah, not fricking likely_. 

* * *

Her plan had worked. Lexa had gotten to school earlier than usual so she could meet up with Mrs Hu. After a short conversation, the woman had agreed to reallocating Lexa a new partner for chemistry.

What she didn't plan for was that she might actually miss the blonde sitting next to her. That she might miss het smirk, het smile, het giggle, her smell, her sound or even just the presence of the girl. Knowing that the blonde was at least hers in some capacity, even if it was educational. She definitely didn't account for that. So it frustrated her that when Clarke took her new seating next to Cage Wallace, that the blonde was all smiles and chatter. So Lexa tried to reassure herself she was doing the right thing.

 _See, she doesn't even miss me. It was for the best_.

What she also didn't plan for was when she excused herself from the classroom to go to the bathroom, that the blonde would follow her.

"Clarke! What are you—" her words were caught in the back of her throat when the blonde grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back against the door. Not hard enough to hurt her, but not soft enough for it to be friendly either.

"What was that!?" Clarke seethed.

Her heart began racing like a jack hammer, and she could feel her throat constricting around her words. Lexa wasn't ever really one for confrontation, particularly when it was around people she intentionally avoided. She clenched her hands around her toned thighs, just to give her something to hold onto.

The proximity of the blonde only increased and soon she was standing a few inches away from Lexa's face. Her perfume was intoxicating and her hair still smelt of that familiar vanilla. _Still_.

"What do you—"

"So we almost kiss, then you run off, then you ignore me and now you can't stand to be around me? Get a hold of yourself Lexa" the blonde interrupted.

"Clarke this is different. It's not about that" she lied.

She took the momentary step back from Clarke as her opportunity to scoot away from being pinned to the door. But within seconds Clarke had pushed her back into the sink and she could feel the cold surface through her tights, pushing against her ass as Clarke enclosed on her like a predator and it's prey. Again the blonde was in the girls face, closer this time and a rush of adrenaline radiated from her core and flushed through Lexa's body.

Her heart was really racing this time, and she could see the pulsations where the blonde's carotid was too. She wasn't sure if it was her own pulse she could hear, or Clarke's, but there was something else. A look of want and desire in her pupil blown eyes, all traces of Lexa's favourite warm pools were gone, masked behind a sea of rage and lust tattooed on her face.

Lexa felt her heart leap when Clarke leaned forward, past her cheek and nibbled at her earlobe. A shiver was sent coursing down her spine while a pooling sensation began in her stomach. She hadn't realised how aroused she was by Clarke's assertiveness until the blonde bit a little harder at her lobe and began trailing kissing down the curve of her neck, a soft growl escaping the back of her throat.

_Did she really just growl?_

Meanwhile the blonde's hands roamed from Lexa's hips and up and down her sides, briefly making contact with the side of her breasts, and the brunette's breath hitched at the sensation. Her breathing became erratic when Clarke placed her thigh between the apex of Lexa's and intentionally thrust hard into Lexa's clothed centre, the fabric of the girls panties and tights caught deliciously between her soaked folds and pulsing clit.

A small whimper escaped her mouth as wave of pleasure ran through her core and it took everything she had not to grab hold of the blonde. Instead she grabbed the sink behind her, her knuckles turning white the harder she gripped.

"Tell me you can't stand to be around me" the blonde whispered with a husk. "Tell me you can't stand me and I'll leave." She spoke as she gave another hard thrust into Lexa, eliciting a sharp moan from the brunette as her clit began to throb with the pressure.

This feeling was euphoric. The feeling of Clarke touching her sides was like fire and ice all in one, leaving goosebumps and hot flushes in their wake. The feeling of Clarke's thigh between her own felt deliciously amazing with each thrust, and there was definitely a pooling in her panties and was sure there was evidence of her arousal on her tights.

"I... I can't—" Lexa stammered. But before she could finish her sentence, the blonde had abruptly stopped all her movements, much to Lexa's dismay.

Before Lexa could even open her mouth again to finish what she wanted to say, Clarke had interrupted her.

"You know I liked you? I really liked you. I actually more than liked you and I can't believe for one second I thought you would like me back. The least you can do is damn well tell a person you're not interested, cause at least then you wouldn't be leaving them in the cold and discarding them like trash." Clarke spat with a venom so strong that Lexa stood there in complete silence. "But I guess you wouldn't know that, would you, home school?"

The last thing she heard was loud footsteps and the swing of the bathroom door, then nothing. The silence rung through the air as Lexa tried to control her heart rate and breathing. She hadn't even noticed it was the blonde that had left the bathroom until she broke down into sobs. Tear tracks made their way down regal cheekbones as Lexa followed their path and slid down to the floor.

"I can't..." she sobbed. "I can't say that...".

* * *

Clarke couldn't remember the last time she had heard music so loud. Of all the Halloween parties that were thrown in the neighbourhood, or by anyone in the school for that matter, Lincoln's party topped them all.

His family were massive lovers of all things holiday, and every Halloween his parents would disappear into the city festivities and book a hotel to "jump each other's bones". It was certainly fitting considering that this year his parents had dressed up as skeletons.

The decorations surrounding his family's estate were incredible. Pumpkin lanterns were strung up between the trees up the long driveway while fake cobwebs littered the branches. The fall coloured leaves were illuminated spectacularly by the flames with the lanterns, creating a beautiful yet eery setting. Spiderweb decorations could be seen from every window and inside the house was vapour lingering around at foot level, coming from a vapour machine. Strobe lights were flashing a string of white, red and orange, splitting through the darkness like an arrow shot from a bow. The state case was covered in lights and pumpkins were placed at the top and bottom handles. The place looked like a legitimate haunted Halloween house on one of those TV shows which lists off the top ten best holiday decorative houses.

Lincoln, ever the fashionable host had gotten himself a dashing tuxedo which was patterned in mini pumpkins, while Octavia sported a Wonder Woman costume. Raven had decided to dress alone as Rey from Star Wars, Bellamy and Echo had both come as Jack Sparrow  and Angelica from Pirates of the Carribean, respectively. The rest of the delinquents matched up as couples or came as conjoined twins, as displayed by Jasper and Monty.

While being asked on multiple occasions what she would come as, Clarke had decided to surprise her friends. The blonde was absolutely rocking a Daenerys Targaryen costume, even her hair was perfectly on point. She was amazed that Finn's jaw hadn't hit the floor with how low it had dropped. But that was a good thing, the stares and whistles were a good thing because it meant she could finally forget and finally put Lexa out of her mind. 

After her run in with Lexa in the bathroom, Clarke wanted nothing more than move past her still lingering feelings and forget them altogether. It was painful to know that she still had all these built up feelings and that while being around the girl, she didn't reciprocate a single one. But why would she now after the way Clarke left her?

It was painful that every time the girl had given her a single shred of hope that she did in fact feel the same way, it was ruined. Clarke was tired, tired of constantly loving people who couldn't love her back. She wasn't used to rejection, but in saying that, she never wanted anything more than how much she wanted Lexa. So it was a bit of bitch that the only person she's ever really wanted didn't want her.

Clarke was never known for her sappy feelings, but she was for her jealousy and protectiveness. But she knew that tonight the very person she was trying to avoid and forget would be there to summon all those emotions. The very thought of someone else putting their hands on the girl, or their name being the one that's screamed from the brunette's beautiful lips made Clarke feel ill.

It made her blood boil because it should be her name that sounds from Lexa's lips as Clarke decends on her in bed, or the table, or on the floor, or even in the car. Wherever it is, it should be her and only her but it couldn't be because Lexa had denied her that. Lexa had denied Clarke the thing she wants most. And just like deja vu, Clarke began drinking until she couldn't feel anything. She began drowning her pain and jealousy in the bottle of Whiskey she had brought and she prayed that she wouldn't have to see Lexa tonight.

* * *

This year was the year for firsts. First crushes, first kisses, first parties, first school camp, first day of setting foot in school, and now it was her first proper Halloween party outside her house. Due to this, Lexa figured she ought to make a good impression with her costume.

Upon getting the invite from Lincoln shortly after camp, she had spent a lot of her free time on figuring out what costume to wear. After that, she then looked up as many sites as possible so she could have the most authentic looking costume instead of a cheap packaged costume from the party shop that most people tended to do as a last minute resource.

Prior to the party, her parents and Tris had spent ages on fixing Lexa's hair, straightening her costume, and even doing her makeup in such a way that she looked almost exactly like Lara Croft. That's right, Lexa had chosen to go as tomb raider, and in the lovely words of her sister, "it wasn't the only tomb she'd be raiding tonight". Tris had known of her sister's sexuality discovery and she was less than discrete in her vocalised support.

Her sister's words had been playing over and over in her head on the way to Lincoln's. She had been picked up by Harper and Maya on their way to the party which allowed her a much needed escape from sisters harassing comments, but it didn't mean she forget them altogether. Lexa couldn't help think about the last party she was at, and she couldn't help but think about Clarke.

How much she craved Clarke's hands on her body. How right it felt when Clarke was nipping at her neck and whispering in her ear. How euphoric it felt to have Clarke's thigh pushing against her clothed sex. While she desperately wanted something to happen tonight, she also knew it was stupid to think that seeing as how she had been the one to push Clarke away. That being said, it didn't meant she accepted the way the blonde had handled the situation.

Now that she had really thought about it and what Clarke had said and done, part of her was furious at the blonde, but she was also right. Lexa had been pushing Clarke away. She realised that for ages she had inadvertently been playing a game of cat and mouse, hot and cold. But she couldn't help it. It's not like she intentionally meant to lead Clarke on like that or hurt her.

It was real for Lexa, more real than anything else she's ever had in her life, but it was frightening. No matter what she did, she couldn't help but think that Clarke would abandon her, for whatever reason. And while Clarke would be okay, Lexa would be left to pick up the pieces and she would be treated as an outcast again. But that already seemed like it was happening. She definitely hadn't missed the way that Clarke had referred to her as "home school" again.

If she was being honest, the term hurt her. She thought that they were at least past that, but then again, she figured she deserved such treatment after her stop and start momentum with Clarke. In her defence, she really didn't know what was happening. But surely Clarke could have seen that right? Surely Clarke knew or could at least pick up on Lexa's uncertainties. But the blonde hadn't, and that only really caused Lexa to blame herself that much more for the monumental fuck up of friendship, or whatever it was that was going between her and Clarke that she so desperately did not want to lose.

She couldn't forget Anya's words of advice though. Anya had told her that if someone really loves you than they will be able to see those insecurities and accept them. That love was trusting in someone over the power that you had given them. So really, Lexa was at an emotional crossroads.

Being around Clarke was different, and Lexa noticed that almost right away. From the very first day when she took her seat in home room, Lexa saw her. A girl who had her friends, who had her status, who had high school in the palm of her hand. But Lexa saw through that facade immediately and beneath that was a girl who was so desperately just trying to fit in. A girl who didn't exactly know where that was though. She saw someone which had so much potential, but so much pressure on her to act a certain way or be a certain thing. In the mix of that though, Lexa didn't want the girl to be anyone but herself.

And slowly as she got to know the blonde for her try self, she could see those outer layers peel away to the girl she ended up falling for, the girl beneath it all. The girl who let herself be held and comforted, the girl who opened up to Lexa and didn't push her away. The girl who was honest and compassionate. The girl who went the extra mile to help her. The girl who looked after Tris and did so much for her sister. The girl who did everything to try and make her smile or make up for her past mistakes.

Clarke was like a rose, if Lexa had to chose a comparison. And soon enough the blonde had been stripped down to her inner petals, but like all good things, Lexa lost her. But it was for the best, she told herself. As clichè as it sounded, they were different people with different expectations and obligations, and Lexa didn't want to be the person to hold Clarke back from hers.

Lexa had been amazed at the turnout of the first party at the beginning of the school year, but now she was astounded at the effort and amount of people who showed up for Lincoln's Halloween party. But who wouldn't want to come? Lincoln was by far the most liked guy in the entire school. So it seemed as though everyone in the school had showed up, and everyone looked amazing in their costumes.

The atmosphere was chaotic and spooky. Lexa had already gotten a few whistles from people, and suggestive looks from some guys who held their gaze a little too long at her ass. She tried her best to bury her disappointment at the thought that none of these people happened to be Clarke. Perhaps moving on would be harder than she expected.

It wasn't until a bubbly, short girl with mocha skin, dark brown hair, big brown orbs and a pearly grin who was dressed Countess had approached her, that Lexa finally found her mind flutter to different places besides the blonde.

* * *

She had been watching her from a safe distance. She had been watching her all night, infact her eyes hadn't left Lexa since the second she walked through the door. But Clarke couldn't help it. The girl looked amazing before, but dressed up as Lara Croft, it didn't things to the blonde. She found herself on edge the entire night, feeling a strange intoxication which wasn't due to any of the alcohol or substances she had consumed.

And when she saw a brute of a girl dressed as a Dracula wannabe approach Lexa, it made Clarke shift in her seat. Watching the two girls interact, and watching Lexa laugh like that caused a wave of jealousy and protectiveness to tumble through the blonde, just as she predicted. She almost wanted to scream at the girl who had her hand running up and down Lexa's lower back, because god for bid, it should have been Clarke's hand.

 _If you go any lower, I will break your arm. I dare you_.

So Clarke was overly jealous and protective of a girl who was not hers. That was definitely something she had never been before. It surprised her to the point that before she knew it, she was on her feet marching towards the couple, ready to give an earful and face full of fist to the girl who now had her hand fondling Lexa's ass through her flattering tights that clung oh so mouth wateringly to the beautiful swell of her rear. It was dark, but it wasn't that dark.

Thankfully but annoyingly, Echo had watched the scene unfold from a distance. Having been the only person who secretly knew about Clarke and Lexa's previous activities, she jumped infront of the raging bull of blonde and gently tugged her outside.

"Clarke, you're drunk. You need to calm down" the taller girl spoke.

Clarke just glared in response, wondering why Echo had even pulled her away in the first place. "I'm fine" she huffed.

Echo laughed at that. "No you're not. I've been watching you all night, Clarke. You've been watching her, waiting for her."

She didn't understand it, but before Clarke knew it, she was unravelling infront of the taller girl. She didn't mean to or know why she was, except that Echo had a presence about her that made Clarke feel as if she could say anything without being judged or looked at wrong. It was a very satisfying feeling. "That should be me... that could have been me but she doesn't want me and I messed up and I dont know what to do". Clarke gently sobbed as Echo pulled her to a more quiet area.

It was then that Echo noticed that Clarke still hadn't realised that it was Lexa she was with instead of her. She felt like she should tell the blonde, but she knew that it wasn't her place. Instead she sat by the drunk and sobbing girl and calmed her down, rubbing her hand soothingly at the base of her neck, as the world around the blonde lulled into the slow motion of a merry-go-round

The party had considerably calmed down by sometime in the am and feeling slightly more sober and nostalgic, Clarke decided she would head back inside and retire upstairs in the room Lincoln said she could stay in overnight. Clarke silently prayed that she might just run into that same girl she had months ago, and then everything would be alright.

* * *

Originally, Lexa had thought that flirting with the bubbly brunette was a step in the right direction, apparently not. It was step in the most disastrous direction. The girl was sweet and definitely cute at first but not once through her consistent babbling, had she actually had something to say that wasn't focused around herself. The words shot from her mouth like rapid fire and everything that flooded out was about herself, her family, her friends, or, her problems, which Lexa thought was a bit strange to talk about seeing as how they barely knew each other.

Lexa could see the girl had meant well and didn't mean to come across as being self centred, but if there was anything to describe the girl, it was exactly that, and a walking nightmare. Within ten minutes Lexa found herself confused, within thirty minutes she was overwhelmed, within forty-five minutes she was exhausted. The mental sweat she had to break just to keep up with the girl was ridiculous, she hadn't even begun to think about how hard she'd had to work to formulate a response to anything. So she ended up doing the one thing she scolded herself beforehand about not to do, she looked for Clarke.

It was as if the entire night, she could selse a set of eyes bore into her, she even swore she saw Clarke stomping in her direction when the bambling brunette had gotten a little handsy. But it couldn't have been because the girl had disappeared and Lexa hadn't seen her since. But along with that left the feeling of the daggers that were piercing through her. That was definitely strange.

"Hey, Lexa!" Lincoln interrupted over the babbling brunette.

Thankful for his interruption, Lexa immediately took Lincoln by the arm and led him away to talk privately. "Hey, is everything alright?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Lincoln replied with a grin.

"She's talking my ear off, Lincoln!" Lexa hissed as she stole a quick glance back at the girl who hadn't seemed to notice she was missing.

Lincoln let out a little chuckle. "Well we don't call her babbling Brooke for nothing. But hey, do you have a ride home tonight? I like to make sure all my friends have a ride home, or feel free to crash here" the boy offered.

"Thanks, Lincoln. I appreciate it. But I have a ride home in a few hours" Lexa spoke softly, smiling at him.

Slowly but surely the party died down as people were being picked up or crashed out drunk on the couches or cushions around the floor. Surprisingly, Lincoln hadn't minded. The boy said that he'd rather them crash in his house than out in the gutter.

The music was still playing well past midnight, which everyone still enjoyed due to Lincoln's spectacular choice in music, much like attire. Again, Lexa found herself in the company of the babbling brunette. Much more eager to get away this time and not spend her last hour in the company of the girl, she left to the bathroom, only to be followed. Thankfully the girl had the decency not to enter when Lexa held her hand up to stop her, however her suggestive looks told otherwise.

"Don't you have anyone else to annoy" Lexa mumbled to herself in the confines of the bathroom.

She had spent longer than necessary in the bathroom just to avoid the girl. She touched up her makeup, her hair, her costume, she even checked her social media and watched a few FailArmy videos, but she realised that she would need to come out eventually. She slowly opened the door, craning her neck to see if she could sneak past without being noticed. Luckily enough, the girl was facing the other direction, but there was little to no chance that Lexa could escape down the hall without being seen. Instead she risked a chance with quickly but silently hiding in the room opposite the bathroom.

In one swift motion, she leaped across the hallway, opened the door and slid inside, quickly closing it, and in another swift motion she caught the front of someone and sent the two of them toppling to the ground, Lexa's face landing on something soft and pillowy.

"Shit! I'm so sorry" Lexa grumbled as she pulled her face out of what she now realised we're breasts, slightly thankful that she hadn't fell atop a man.

_Breasts. Boobs. Thank God._

"Well hey, all you had to do was ask" a familiar husky voice responded, the tone dripping with a smugness.

_Where do I know that voice?_

Lexa momentarily scolded herself for her inability to recognise such a familiar voice. Clearly she had a bit too much to drink, but anyone was better than babbling Brooke right now. "Sorry. This seems to be an occurrence for me" she mumbled.

"What? You often fall atop other women's chests?" The same smug tone replied.

Lexa let out a low chuckle. "Well at Lincoln's parties I seem to have a problem with falling on top of women in dark rooms, it's just my thing".

The girl beneath her cracked a laugh which sounded from her stomach before she slowly composed herself. Lexa momentarily felt the girl stiffen beneath her and a wave of curiosity washed over her as she suddenly felt that this feeling was all to familiar.

"Wait..." the girl let out a breath she had apparently been holding. "Are you..." the sentence hadn't even finished its way out the girls mouth before Lexa felt herself being shoved off and onto the floor.

Suddenly she was blinded by the light which now flooded the room, as the girl had gotten up to flip the twitch. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust in her drunken state. After blinking a few times she settled her gaze on a blonde. A familiar blonde. A Clarke Griffin blonde.

It took her a moment to realise, seeing as how she couldn't help herself in her shameless look over of Clarke in her Daenerys costume. But when Lexa settled her gaze on the blonde face, she saw her favourite blue pools. But not for long, quickly those pools washed away with a look of shear confusement and horror, the blonde's face had paled, and her mouth was gaping ajar as if to try and formulate words, any words.

After a few minutes of silence as both girls stood there staring in shock at each other, Clarke broke the tension with an audible gasp.

"Lexa?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, so there you have it! Our girls are finally back where it started, but they're far from done!
> 
> I've thought about the ending for this, I have two. One will be concluding, the other will lead to a sequel. But that's up to you guys, so if you want a sequel then let me know. I'll ask again in chapters to come but I need an idea of how many people are still following this and would enjoy a sequel! 
> 
> Also, I have a new fiction "The Life I Once Knew (The Life I Found Again)" which is set in the 100 Verse. I will be updating the second chapter on that soon. It's completely different from this alternative HS universe but check it out! 
> 
> Comments & kudos always appreciated.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it just our bodies? Are we both losing our minds?  
> Is the only reason you're holding me tonight  
> 'Cause we're scared to be lonely?  
> Do we need somebody just to feel like we're alright?  
> Is the only reason you're holding me tonight  
> 'Cause we're scared to be lonely?
> 
> ~

"Lexa?!" The blonde gasped.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Clarke began to mumble to herself while she paced about the room, her hands running through her golden locks. Slowly her mumbling became audible for Lexa to hear.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no" she mumbled in a continuous loop.

Lexa stood there like a statue, unsure of what to do or what to say. She had played out many scenarios in her head of her telling the blonde, or of Clarke finding out by her own accord, but none of the those scenarios predicted a reaction quite like this. Quite like "no".

"Clarke—"

"How?!" Clarke blurted out, as she continued her pacing. Her face was now reminiscent of a tomato and all traces of Lexa's favourite blue pools had vanished into something darker, much to Lexa's confusement.

_Was she mad? Was she embarrassed? Of course she was._

Lexa let out a long sigh. "Clarke—" she tried again, only to be interrupted, _again_.

"Did you know?!" Clarke hissed, and Lexa flinched.

The brunette thought long and hard about whether or not to tell Clarke. Of course she knew, she had overheard Clarke and Octavia talking about it the other week. She debated lying to Clarke, but she was positive her demeanour had already given her away, as an exasperated expression appeared on Clarke's face. Lying also wouldn't have helped further in this situation.

"Yes, I knew" Lexa eyed the floor as she spoke, her hands fiddling by her sides as if she was a five year old having to confess something as ridiculous as taking another kid's toy.

"How long have you known?" Clarke's voice came out much softer this time, which confused Lexa even more to no end, considering the blonde's previous outburst.

_Who's playing hot and cold now?_

"Not long..." Lexa started as she took a seat at the edge of the bed, likely realising that this wasn't going to be a quick conversation. "I've known since last week after your game. I wasn't eavesdropping... well I was but I didn't mean to. I was just looking for Tris when I overheard what you were saying to Octavia"

The blonde just stood there nodding as silence washed over the two girls again. An unreadable expression had crossed her face and for the life of her, Lexa couldn't decipher at all what was possibly running though the girl's head. The silence was deafening and the air was beginning to feel extremely thick.

_Say something. Please say something._

* * *

This had to of been a joke. Someone had to of been playing a prank on her. Yep, this definitely was _not_ happening. After a moment in the darkness, a familiar feeling had washed over Clarke and a sense of deja vu was in the air. It was strange, almost supernatural and it was as if the moment with the mystery girl months ago had blended into the present moment and she was reliving everything thought and every feeling.

It was as if it was all one big blob and Clarke knew. She had never been so sure of anything before. The emotions washing over her at the feeling of the girl on top of her were an exact replica of those she had months ago. She couldn't explain it, or make sense of it but she was practically reliving the same moment as though time had rewound, or as though she had slipped through a time portal of sorts.

She had to know, there was no question about it at all. She had to know who this girl was. For ages the constant blankness of not knowing had been eating away at her sanity. She had been thinking about the girl non-stop and finally she would be able to find out who—

_Lexa?!_

The universe sure has a sick sense of humour. It's ironic though, that the person Clarke had been so desperate to know was the exact same girl she was not so secretly crushing on. It was also ironic that while Lexa shyed away after nearly kissing Clarke on camp, she had no problem in more than just kissing at the senior party. It was as though it was two different people, but it wasn't. It was just Lexa. And Clarke so desperately wanted to know each part of her, the shy girl who is humble and sweet, but also the reckless and seducing girl.

So Clarke's reaction wasn't the best, it was evident by the look on Lexa's face and she knew that. But the girl was in shock. The amount of adrenaline in her body was probably enough to fuel a entire army. Her response was mear a response of shock and disbelief, not rejection and shame.

As she paced back and fourth, she realised that Lexa had a look on her face as if she knew already, as if she was expecting it to be Clarke. The brunette wasn't surprised or shocked at all. Anger then engulfed Clarke at the realisation that Lexa, considering her recent actions, must have been acting out due to her knowing, which begged the question of how long she knew exactly that it was Clarke with her, and why on earth would she keep it a secret.

_Is she embarrassed by me?_

The flinching in Lexa's posture as Clarke snapped at her was enough to make Clarke completely still in her movements. Lexa being afraid or hurt of her was the very last thing in the entire world that she wanted. It dawned on her that this was not something to be mad about, that this was a good thing and that perhaps now she would finally have her chance with Lexa.

Now she could finally get what she so desired, what she craved. Now she could fill this emptiness in her heart which only seemed to dissipate when Lexa was around. The brunette was a Godsend, and Clarke did not want to mess up the opportunity which was so praisingly handed before her. She would have to play this smart, but she would also have to play with her heart.

She decided to take a different approach. But after finding out that Lexa had known for a week, she didn't know what to think. Lexa had been acting out, that much was evident. But the brunette's actions were intensified at the beginning of the week when she changed lab partners. It also explained the footsteps she had heard after her volleyball match when she was talking to Octavia.

_Lexa had known an entire week and she couldn't think to tell me?_

It took a few minutes for Clarke to come to her senses and realise that she hadn't said anything except for silently nodding at Lexa.

_Shit. Okay..._

Clarke slowly walked over to take a seat beside Lexa at the edge of the bed. "Do you wish that it wasn't me?" She murmured.

Lexa looked up with watery green eyes, her gaze meeting Clarke's pools. "No" she answered honestly. "I just... I didn't know what to do. I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how you would react" Lexa's voice cracked, barely above a whisper.

"Hey" clarke cooed. "If anything I'm glad it was you. I'm surprised, considering recent events but I'm glad it was you."

Lexa wiped away an escaped tear off her cheekbones, and oh, how much Clarke wanted to kiss away those tears, kiss away whatever it was that was hurting her Lexa.

_My Lexa._

Clarke let out a sigh. "Lex, you can be honest with me. What's wrong?"

"I just dont know if I can trust you, Clarke." She sniffled, as Clarke's eyes narrowed in confusement.

Lexa's brows furrowed. "I don't want to be just another tally, Clarke." She cautioned, the weight behind the words evident in her tone.

 _Just another tally? You are so much more, Lexa. So much more_.

Clarke gently caressed Lexa's cheek as her eyes looked over the brunette's entire being admiringly, and she gave a slow nod in understanding. "You could never be just another tally. Never. You are the most precious thing and I... I could never do that to you, _will_ never do that to you". The blonde spoke soothingly, trying her convey her seriousness and emotions in hopes it would dismiss all of Lexa's worries.

Lexa smiled in response. "So what do we do now?" She shrugged.

"Can you trust me?" Clarke asked, sensing Lexa's slight discomfort still.

Lexa gave an apologetic shrug. "I want to. I really do, Clarke."

"Okay. So we... we take it slow okay? No lies, no games, no labels. We'll just take it day by day and whatever happens, happens." Clarke suggested, to which Lexa seemed to be okay at the idea.

"You know if we're being honest..." Clarke started on a lighter night, her confidence and bravado filling her tone. "I wasn't really a fan when that girl had her hands on you tonight"

Lexa scoffed. "Why, did you wish it was you?!" She joked, giggling to herself.

It was then she realised the drop in Clarke's demeanour while the blonde shyly nodded. Lexa stopped giggling and took the time to look at Clarke. The blonde looked more vulnerable than Lexa had even seen.

"Can I kiss you?" Clarke whispered, all manner of confidence had dissipated from her voice as if she was just a shell of the girl she was a few minutes ago.

Lexa's heart skipped a beat at the fact that Clarke had asked, and at the fact she looked like a sad puppy who's just been kicked. Lexa gave a slight nod and it was all that Clarke needed before she edged closer to the brunette.

One of her hands found perch upon Lexa's waist, and the other slipped around the brunette's jaw and neck, her thumb lightly stroking those regal cheekbones. Clarke leaned in less than a centimetre away from Lexa's lips. She took a deep breath in, breathing in all that was Lexa. She could feel Lexa's warm breath, she could smell the watermelon Chapstick that Lexa had on and she could taste the desire radiating from the girl. Clarke's breath hitched in her throat as she closed the space between them.

Their lips touched in sweet friction and pressed together softly, coaxing each other as Clarke revelled in the taste that was Lexa's lips. The feeling was like ecstasy, and a flood of dopamine ran through her core at the long awaited kiss. She kept it sweet and soft, tilting her head and changing her direction as her lips gently caressed Lexa's beautifully soft plump ones, never forcing entrance. 

* * *

Lexa had no idea when they started kissing, all that she knew was that she never wanted to stop. The feeling of Clarke's lips on her own was magnetising. The blonde was gentle, she was soft and she was precious. Never once did she try and force entrance into Lexa's mouth. It was just the sweet movement and caressing of lips, of Clarke's lips, and Lexa never wanted to leave. Their lips glided against each other and fit perfectly, like long lost puzzle pieces.

That being said, there was always something that had to get in the way of everything amazing in her life. And just like last time, her phone started flashing and vibrating wildly in her pocket. She pulled back momentarily to check who it was, also noticing a smug grin forming on Clarke's face, likely, she was thinking of some sort of dirty comment about vibrators, which she was ultimately glad that Clarke had kept it to herself. Instead the blonde settled on something different.

"Oh, well would you look at that, Miss Woodsen" Clarke said mischeviously. "Checking your phone when kissing me. I dont know whether to be offended or not. What am I going to do with you?" Clarke continued seductively, while tapping Lexa's nose with her index finger.

Lexa grinned in response, leaning across to whisper in Clarke's ear. "I'll make it up to you"

If that wasn't the hottest thing Clarke had heard, then she didn't know what was. She could already feel the wetness between her legs from simply kissing the brunette, but with those few words alone, she was almost on the absolute edge. That would be something she'd have to deal with later.

 _Leave it to Lexa to get me sexually frustrated_.

But as the brunette rose to her feet, Clarke had a glorious idea. She wanted to make some fun out of this and see how long it would take Lexa to snap. See how long it would take for Lexa to give into herself. To see how long the brunette could resist their arrangement of 'taking it slow'.

"Or you could make it up to me right now!" Clarke exclaimed, as she pulled a startled and yelping Lexa back atop the bed.

The blonde manoeuvred herself atop Lexa and started attacking the girl's stomach and sides with her fingers in torturous movements. Lexa jerked up against Clarke yelping for the girl to stop, and Clarke tried not to notice the way she was grinding her pelvis atop Lexa's with each jerk the brunette made.

"CLARKE! Stop! Stop it! Please!" Lexa shrieked as she tried to escape to onslaught of Clarke's fingers.

It was then that Clarke had another idea. She ceased her attack on Lexa and the girl beneath her calmed instantly. Emerald forests met with cerulean pools as both girls locked eyes, finding themselves lost and swimming in their desire. Clarke's heartbeat was erratic, and she was sure the additional thumping she felt was coming from the girl below her.

"Clarke my dad's here, I really should be go—" Lexa started.

"Go out with me" Clarke murmured.

Lexa momentarily stiffened, her eyes never once leaving Clarke's cerulean orbs, still heavily dilated from their activities.

"Will you?" Clarke pressed. "Go out with me? Like on a date?" She clarified.

"When?" Lexa spoke softly.

"Friday." Clarke replied instantly.

"Okay"

"Okay"

* * *

The next bunch of days were torturous. The entire weekend and week had been leading up to this one moment for Clarke, her date with Lexa. Friday could not have come soon enough, this had to of been the slowest week of school that had ever existed.

On Monday, Clarke kept stealing glances from Lexa in chemistry. The brunette looked ethereal in her olive jeans which clung to her toned legs, her white tee and the denim jacket tied around her waist. Her hair was in a messy bun and her glasses only made her that much more beautiful in Clarke's eyes. Particularly when Lexa's experiment went a little off method, and her mixture foamed over the beaker eliciting a small squeal from the girl. All the while the heat being emitted from the reaction caused Lexa's glasses to fog up. At that point, Clarke was positive her heart had melted into a big gay puddle.

On Tuesday, Clarke had taken to the bleachers for the lunch break and had spotted Lexa, clad in skins and a sports bra running the track, her tattoos and all her glory on display. Some would say it was very unproductive use of time, considering the semester finals approaching, but Clarke would argue that her attentions were productively placed on worshipping Lexa's toned body, slick from sweat. Some body parts more than others.

Clarke definitely had no blame, shame, but plenty of game when it came to admiring Lexa's behind, and not a single person on the planet could lecture her about etiquette. Not to mention that Lexa was practically teasing her and asking for it with the attire she was wearing.

By Wednesday, Mrs Green's and Ms Sydney's literature classes had meshed together for the senior oral presentations. The head of curriculum had delegated a single day out of the week to be dedicated for all the seniors to do their orals, Wednesday was oral day.

Clarke had sat with Lexa for the day listening to other students, making side comments or jokes when students so blatantly got their information off Wikipedia, to which Lexa would giggle. In a very short amount of time, Clarke found herself willing to do anything and everything just to hear that noise, even if it meant at her own expense.

By the time Lexa had gotten up to perform her oral based on Robert Louis Stevenson's _Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_ , Clarke found it endearing when Lexa did the most adorable stutter and jumbled up her words, due to the jokingly seductive faces she was making at the brunette. Lexa had scolded her for it afterwards but got her revenge by imitating sexual foreplay acts on Clarke's drink bottle, and any object she could find really.

Thursday was not entirely a good day. Clarke had been sitting in the cafeteria listening to Bellamy and Finn argue over which was the better sport out of Swimming and Football. Clarke had found Jasper's contribution quite amusing when he suggested that people should stop playing sports and just get high instead, as spoken by a completely baked Jasper at the time. Her attention was quickly drawn away from the argument when Octavia nudged her in the direction of where Lexa was, with a now babbling Brooke all over her.

Jealousy had erupted in Clarke and she found herself more than ever now wishing that she had indeed broken Brooke's arm at the Halloween party. The girl was short, obnoxious, yappy, annoying and so clearly out of Lexa's league, it was embarrassing. Lexa must have noticed the daggers been sent her way because she turned to give Clarke an apologetic smile. Clarke knew that Lexa hated confrontation and her telling the girl to go away was something she definitely wouldn't feel comfortable doing.

But that was something Clarke hoped to change. She didn't want to change Lexa or make her a different person, but she wanted to encourage Lexa out of her comfort zone, she wanted to amplify the person that she knew Lexa could be and who she was infront of her, which she seemed to be only for Clarke and no one else.

Later that night was Clarke's favourite part of the week at that point. Before her game, she was met by Lexa in the locker rooms and the two girls shared some soft kisses in private. Most of it was Lexa giggling and shrugging away when Clarke went to playfully nibble on her ears and blow raspberries on her neck, but Clarke had loved it all the same. Having Lexa secure in her arms was definitely something else.

By the time Friday afternoon had come, Clarke was a nervous wreck. She had the entire date planned since last Saturday, just in case anything had happened and she'd need a plan B. So far, everything seemed to be on check. Clarke was set to pick up Lexa at seven o'clock where they would take a town car into the city to one of the most expensive restaurants, 'The Palace', and then Clarke would take Lexa down to the pier where a boat would be awaiting for their own private tour of the bay while they could drink champagne and gaze at the stars.

So Clarke was a complete sap when she liked someone, and with Lexa, she was incredibly, incredibly gay. She wanted this date to be _perfect_ , she wanted it to be a night that Lexa would never forget. Even if their relationship came to end, she wanted her first date with Lexa to be the best first date that Lexa will ever have. She knew that this was the first time that Lexa had ever been on a date to begin with, so she wanted the night to be magical. She wanted to set the bar impossibly high and set a message that no one, absolutely no one could out date Clarke Griffin. So she was a little cocky, _still_.

But when the time came, Clarke couldn't bring herself to move. She had been so caught up in how Lexa would feel and about making this the greatest night of her life that Clarke had completely dismissed her own feelings and worries, and now it was finally catching up with her. Her hand was hovering over the doorbell outside Lexa's house. She could hear the movements inside the house but for the life of her, she couldn't press the damn button. It was as though it was mocking her, simultaneously laughing and spitting in her face.

The entire week had culminated to this one moment, and there Clarke was, and she couldn't do it, paralysed by her nerves and the fear that she could never be enough for Lexa, that Lexa wouldn't feel the same way or would think Clarke was just using her. It seemed a little ridiculous to be thinking about now, considering the week that had gone by had only seemed to make Lexa feel more comfortable and at ease. There was considerable progress in the agreement the girls made, but still, Clarke couldn't shake the thoughts that silently kept on creeping back up on her.

_Come on, Griffin. Get it together. You're stronger than this. Just do it. It's like a bandaid. No! No... it's not a bandaid. Why would you even— you're getting off topic. Just ring the damn doorbell you tosspot._

Before Clarke could halt any longer, the door swung open to a smugly grinning Tris, clad in pyjamas and koala feet slippers. Only Tris would own such an abominable thing as koala slippers, but Clarke silently prayed that Lexa had a pair. Just for her own inappropriate and kinky thoughts.

"What are you doing?" Tris blurted, completely catching Clarke off guard.

Clarke cleared her throat. "I was just about to ring the bell".

Tris snorted a laugh. "You've been standing there for ten minutes. I thought you might have died or something" she joked.

Tris stepped aside, allowing a now sheepish looking Clarke into her house. The place looked exactly how it had the first time Clarke had seen it, except for the new addition of a four seated stretch couch in the family room, and a glass coffee table infront of it.

"Lexa will be down in a few minutes" Tris began. "Can I get you anything?"

Clarke began tapping her fingers together to give her something to do, so her nerves wouldn't eat her alive. "Uhh no that's fine thanks, Tris" she nervously smiled, before silently berating herself for her awkward behaviour.

_Could you be anymore weird!?_

Yet again Tris let out another snort. "Clarke Griffin, nervous?" She said, feigning shock. "What sorcery is this?!" She exclaimed.

"Honestly..." Tris began again, leaving no room for Clarke to comment. "I never thought I would see the day that my captain is nervous" She stated smugly.

Before Clarke could formulate a reply, she heard a movement upstairs. As she turned her head, her heart stopped and her breath caught in her throat as she caught sight of an angel. Lexa was dressed in a slim, loosely fitting apricot dress with a v-neck which slipped down her chest, revealing complimentary cleavage as well as exposing accentuated collarbones that Clarke had a sudden urge to nibble upon.

The sleeves ended just above the wrist, and the total length of the dress ended half way down her thighs. She wore black heels with a black clutch, and her makeup was simple but complimentary, and her brunette locks were straightened, framing her cheekbones and jaw deliciously. And her lips, those delicious plump lips were curved into a sweet smile which made Clarke weak at the knees, like only Lexa could do.

If Clarke had been a statue before, she didn't know what she was now. She might have very well died and gone to heaven, because no one can look that beautiful.

* * *

At first she had figured maybe her lipstick was smudged, then she thought maybe her hair was off, or even her dress was horrible. Clarke had just stood there, silent, her mouth agape, her cerulean eyes as wide as saucers and unmoving, simply staring up at her. Eventually the blonde cleared her throat and began to stutter out a sentence.

"Y-you look... wow... you are so beautiful, Lexa. Wow..." Clarke rasped nervously as she tugged a little at the necks of her dress, and Lexa was sure her heart had exploded. That seemed to be a common occurrence around Clarke.

The blonde looked stunning as well. Lexa hadn't even realised she had been holding her breath until her lungs finally cried out and burned for air. Clarke had a beautiful tight fitting black pencil dress which clung to her body and accentuated all her curves, which Lexa found herself wanting to trace with her hands, and possibly her tongue. There was a v-neck which showed generous cleavage, that rose to a strap around her neck, as the length of the dress reached to just below Clarke's knees. She wore smokey eye makeup which only accentuated the depth of her eyes, and her hair was up in an intricate bun with strings of hair curled at the front, and black heels to complete her blackened outfit.

"You both look like you could use some water." Tris stated, matter of factly, her words slicing through the thickness of the air.

Both girls were startled at the intrusion in their thoughts, and awkwardly cleared their throats, Lexa shooting Tris a positively murderous look. Then once again, Lexa met with her favourite cerulean pools, and in that moment, nothing else mattered.

* * *

Going on a date with Clarke Griffin was nothing like Lexa had imagined. Sure she knew that the Griffin's were wealthy due to the fact that Abby Griffin was one of country's best Cardiothoracic surgeons, and Jake Griffin was an appraised engineer for NASA. It was no secret that Clarke was well off and that she knew how to woo her dates, but this was nothing like she imagined.

The town car had pulled up infront of Lexa's house and Clarke had chivalrously led Lexa down the path and opened the car door for her. Clarke had held Lexa's hand and softly drew circles on the back of her hand, occasionally bringing Lexa's hand to her mouth, while both girls shared smiles and giggles. Lexa would've been content to stay that like forever until the car pulled up outside the most highly rated restaurants in the city, 'The Palace'.

The outside of the building really did look like a palace, due to the fact that it was also partly a hotel for diplomats royalty alike. The architecture looked pristine and well-kept, considering the at least century old design, and a massive fountain with a statue of a horse on its hind legs was positioned outside the front of the restaurant. The water pouring around it was lit in a series of bright colours, while lights illuminated every square inch of the building the eye could see.

Upon entering the building, a large chandelier hung up in the centre of the ceiling, and few people were gathered in the most expensive formal attire Lexa had ever seen. Clarke had flashed a card at the receptionist who simply smiled and showed them through up to a large staircase. To the right of reception was a gambling hall with a circular bar in the centre of the room, and to the left was the staircase which split into a T-section with the restaurant up to to right, and up to the left was a private area and elevator, exclusive to hotel guests only.

Lexa had thought the scenery looked exquisite, but she was gobsmacked when she saw the food. The menus had the names of dishes that Lexa hadn't heard of in her entire life, names that she couldn't even begin to pronounce. But Clarke had tipped her earlier that the restaurant was notorious for its French cuisine, ergo, it was a French restaurant.

After entré's Lexa had settled on ordering a duck confit with a sweet cherry and red wine sauce, with fennel and walnut salad for her main course, while Clarke ordered a Cassoulet. After that, they shared a custard soufflé before Clarke covered the bill, despite Lexa's protests, and they were picked up by the town car again.

Lexa was on cloud nine. The idea alone of being on a date with Clarke was arousal enough, but Clarke was was chivalrous, sweet, gave Lexa little kisses here and there, and never failed to remind her that she was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. There was no where else she would rather be than with Clarke in this moment.

* * *

The night had been going swimmingly, apart from the few trip ups Clarke had on her heels. In her defence though, her eyes had rarely left Lexa the entire time. The brunette looked absolutely ethereal. She looked absolutely divine and not at all of this entire universe. In this moment in time, Clarke felt like the luckiest human being ever to have lived.

Her stomach would flutter every time Lexa would look at her with those gorgeous emerald orbs, and her heart would catch in her throat every time Lexa let out a giggle or a laugh at something she said. And Lexa looked the most adorable when a bit of custard had found its way on her chin while they were finishing dessert.

But the night wasn't over, there was one more stop on the itinerary. Despite how many times Lexa asked where they were going, Clarke simply shot a smirk in her direction and kept silent. She had been waiting for this moment all night, and finally, it was upon them.

The stars twinkled like diamonds in the black quilt of the night, and the moon illuminated everything below like a night time sun. The breeze wasn't too cool, and there was still two hours left before Lexa had to be home. Everything was _perfect_.

"Now can you tell me what we're doing at the pier, Clarke?" Lexa pressed, slightly annoyed.

Clarke smirked mischievously. "Put this around your eyes" she motioned as she handed Lexa a bandana.

Lexa huffed, and reluctantly covered her eyes with the fabric Clarke gave her. Clarke then came behind the brunette, and place her hands on either side of Lexa's waist. She rested her chin on Lexa's shoulder before littering kisses up and down the girl's neck, leaving goosebumps in her trail. Lexa giggled and shied away beneath her touch, and Clarke melted at the response.

"Come on! Get moving." Clarke instructed as she swatted Lexa's butt playfully.

Her hands remained firm around Lexa's waist as she led the brunette to the end of the pier where her boat was awaiting them. She then led Lexa up ramp and to the upper section of the small vessel where a display of champagne and blankets were, before she carefully removed the covering from Lexa's eyes.

"Clarke what are we— Clarke..." Lexa trailed as she eyed her surroundings with awe.

Lights were strung up along the rails of the boat, and a lengthy couch was covered in blankets and pillows. Beside the couch was a table with a bottle of champagne, two flutes, and a small container of chocolate covered strawberries. Lexa spun around to face Clarke and she was sure her heart had exploded, _again_.

* * *

Lexa wasn't quite sure if she could explain what she was feeling, only that there was a ripple of intense emotions flooding through her. The whole scene looked like something out of a romantic movie, and Lexa couldn't believe her eyes. She hadn't even noticed the tear which had made its way down her rosey cheeks until Clarke wiped it away with the most gentlest of touches.

"I've never taken anyone here before" Clarke murmured nervously. "I guess I was waiting for the right person... I'm glad it's you"

Before she knew what she was doing, Lexa pulled Clarke by the nape of her neck into a soaring and passionate kiss. Her lips tasted sweet against Lexa's, but she wanted more. She wanted to convey all her emotions into this one kiss. She wanted to show Clarke how she felt instead of tell her. So for their first time, Lexa brushed her tongue against Clarke's lips, silently pleading for entrance.

She was rewarded when the blonde opened her mouth, and Lexa's tongue met with Clarke's. It was wet, messy and long overdue. Clarke explored Lexa's mouth and she discovered a whole new exotic sensation when Clarke ran her tongue along the roof of her mouth. She let out a surprised moan at the feeling and gave in to the way that Clarke caressed her lips with her own, the way Clarke cradled her jaw, and the pleasure Clarke gave her. The blonde was talented with that tongue, that much was evident.

Before things could get any steamier, Lexa pulled back, sucking Clarke's bottom lip in her own teasingly and she was rewarded with a small squeal. She grinned dumbly at Clarke when the blonde narrowed her pupil blown eyes at Lexa.

"You know how much I like you, right?" Clarke asked bluntly, and Lexa was momentarily caught off guard.

Lexa furrowed her brows. "I think you just showed me" she giggled.

"I'm serious, Lex. I want you to know that you mean a lot to me and now that I have you, I don't want to let you go." Clarke murmured.

Lexa's heart ached for the girl infront of her. She often wondered if Clarke was ever this openly vulnerable infront of anyone else, or if it was just her. Then she wondered why it was that Clarke had chosen her over everyone. Clarke Griffin was the type of girl who could have anyone, anyone she wanted but still, she had chosen Lexa. It baffled her to no end.

She had asked Lexa on this date, she had taken Lexa to the most expensive restaurant in the city, and now she had taken Lexa to her boat for a private tour of the bay while they made out underneath the moon and the stars.

_How on earth did I get this lucky?_

Lexa gently took Clarke's hands in her own. "Clarke, you have given me the greatest night of my life. I'm not going anywhere, okay?" She spoke as she tilted Clarke's chin up and captured the blonde's lips in her own for a soft, chaste kiss.

"So..." Lexa continued as she pulled back, and was again met with a frowning Clarke. "Let's just lay here underneath the stars, feed each other strawberries, drink this delicious champagne, and just be. How does that sound?"

A broad small pulled itself to Clarke's features. "It sounds like a plan. Now come be my little spoon" Clarke prodded with a wry smirk as she plumped down on the couch and teasingly rubbed the cushions in the space infront of her.

"Ass" Lexa scoffed as she plumped herself infront of Clarke, curling up against her within the blankets.

The two girls lay there, curled up into one another as Clarke gently stroked Lexa's hair, lulling the girl into a light snooze. There's wasn't a single place in the world in this moment that Lexa would rather be, everything else was just background noise. And here in Clarke's arms, she had never felt more safe in her entire life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I didn't want to give away much in the summary, hence the lyrics instead! 
> 
> I've tried to move the story along without actually jumping right into the "I love you"s and the smut (not to say there will be no smut becsuse there most definitely will ;)), I'm trying to make this realistic without it dragging on. Some of you have mentioned Clarke being immature last chapter - this is high school and high school is full of drama and kids who lash out in spite/revenge. Like did you even pay attention in high school?
> 
> Sorry for any errors ect. Let me know what you think! Comments & kudos are always appreciated! If there's any plots you guys want to see then let me know! I'll try to include them as best I can! 
> 
> *ALSO. Anya will make a physical appearance! So stay tuned for when.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some drama in the clexa 'relationships' but also some fluffy advancements. It's also thanksgiving!! 
> 
> *I really wanted to include the last bit but the chapter would’ve been monstrous, so it’s in the next chapter. I won’t tell you what it is because it’ll make ya’ll angry with me probably.... sorry! 
> 
> (It was the long-awaited smut. BUT! It’s only light fluffy smut so meh) ;)

"So Clarkey. Are you going to tell me what's going on with you and Woodsen?" Octavia blurted across the blonde's room startling her.

Clarke sighed in annoyance. Truthfully, it was only ever a matter of time before Octavia went about asking questions. "There's nothing to tell, O. Now shut up, I'm trying to study. Midsemester exams don't do themselves."

Octavia scoffed as if she had been wounded, feigning a look of horror and hurt. "Really? Do you seriously think that I believe that for a second? I've seen the way you undress her with your eyes in the cafeteria, and I've seen the love sick puppy eyes she gives you."

Before Octavia could continue on, Clarke slammed her book shut atop her desk, creating and almighty noise. "Shut up!" Clarke roared as she stood to her feet, towering over the smaller girl.

Octavia looked taken back. "Okay... geez. I'm sorry, Clarke." She held up her hands in surrender.

Clarke sighed in defeat as she took a spot next to where Octavia was now cowering in a shell. "I'm sorry... there's just... nothing to tell. I mean we went on a date and we kissed and it was amazing. But we aren't exclusive or anything." Clarke finished, choosing her words carefully as the conversation she had with Lexa on Halloween ran through her mind.

Both girls had agreed that they would take things slow and wouldn't rush into anything neither of them were uncomfortable doing. In saying that, they also agreed that they wouldn't exactly be an item of sorts, that they wouldn't label what they had until they were sure about themselves. Clarke knew of Lexa's insecurities and knew the way she felt, heck, they had had a few deep and meaningful's about it.

But it had been almost a month now and the conversation of actually progressing their relationship hadn't surfaced. Clarke wanted nothing more than to scream from the top of the world that Lexa was hers. She knew of her feelings and she was sure of them, nor was she afraid of them anymore. But instead of the world, she had a school, and her friends. Yet, she couldn't even yell to them.

If she was honest, it was becoming increasingly more difficult for her. Each passing day at school they would share longer than usual glances, they would brush pass each other which always conjured an electric shock in Clarke's body. They would sneak around in free periods or after school sharing kisses. They had even been on less than official lunch 'dates' and 'study sessions' at each other's houses while no one was home. But that's all it was. And Clarke was okay with that, at least for now.

Although she couldn't help the lingering feeling deep down inside that something was missing. Part of her felt incomplete even though she had Lexa's in some capacity. And everyday her subconscious reminded her that things were not offical between the two girls because Lexa didn't think the relationship to be worth it, and that she would eventually move on, that she would eventually leave Clarke. It seemed as though the roles were reversed, and Clarke was now petrified that Lexa would leave her instead of the other way around.

But she was most definitely not okay with the fact that she had to sit idly by and watch people ogle Lexa from a distance, watch that monstrosity of an elf, Babbling Brooke, lull herself all over Lexa and Clarke could do absolutely nothing without letting people know about her and Lexa.

It was getting harder and harder to push down those feelings and urges she had when she was around the brunette. Not that she wanted to have sex with Lexa, even Clarke would admit she wasn't ready for that. But her urges to flatten Brooke in a swift roundhouse, or her urges to scream at anyone who ogled Lexa or looked sideways at her and make remarks to their friends. But most of all, her urges to tell everyone that Lexa was hers.

With each day that passed, it was as though the bubbling cauldron inside of her gradually got closer to overflowing those urges and feelings.

Clarke was never really a possessive person. Okay, well that's only partly true. Sure she had a temper and was possessive sometimes, even as a kid, but that possessiveness only came with things, in this case a person who was to be hers and only hers. And it angered Clarke that she could be so understanding of how Lexa was feeling, yet Lexa couldn't understand how Clarke was feeling.

Lexa has to know that eventually someone will find out, that's just how things work. Octavia already knows, but Clarke trusts her not to say anything. She has to know though that soon enough they will have to tell people, to jump on it before one of the weekly rumour mills begins and it’s about them. They can't keep running around in the shadows, at least Clarke can't.

Having Lexa was the greatest thing in her entire life right now, and she would never intentionally do anything to compromise that, but there was a raw fire in Clarke that demanded that people know, that demanded that she let her feelings for Lexa free, along with their... whatever it is going on. Yep, she doesn't even know if they are in a relationship.

You'd think after all the kisses, the cuddles, even the romantic date and unofficial dates that Clarke would know what they are, even if they aren't labelling it for other people to know. Only for the two of them, but still, you'd think she would know. But the girl had not a single clue, and it ate away at her like a decaying poison.

"Hello? Earth to Clarke? Are you dead? Please don't be dead. Stop being a mole. I need you for question five." Clarke was drawn from her thoughts by an incessantly rambling Octavia.

"Sorry" she mumbled. "I was just thinking..."

"Yeah? You think too loud." Octavia stated. "You know... you can talk to me. I'm not going to shame you or judge you, Clarke. Woodsen is cool, and she's pretty hot too" Octavia reassured.

Clarke smirked. "Yeah well, she's taken. So back off."

"And I'm straight" Octavia retorted as both girls broke into a fit of laughter.

After they calmed down, Clarke decided to play her cards. Octavia already knew more than anyone else, so there was no harm in telling the girl what she wanted to know. She could be a confidant of sorts.

_What's the worst that could happen?_

"It's just... it's been almost a month and I don't know where we stand" Clarke began. "We agreed to take things slow but what are we actually taking? I dont know what we are and even if I can't tell other people, I'd still want to know myself, you know?"

Octavia hummed. "Have you spoken to her?"

"No. I don't want pressure her about it is all. This is all new to her and I don't want to make her feel like she's obligated to anything" Clarke expressed, emphasising the importance of what she was saying.

Octavia shook her head in disagreement. "But how is that fair to _you_ Clarke?" She exclaimed, her face scrunched up.

Clarke shrugged. "I like her O... I really _really_ like her and I don't want to mess this up but so I'm doing it for her but I dont know what's actually there to mess up." Clarke poured.

Octavia tilted her head to the side sympathetically. "Clarkey... nothing has ever been ruined by talking. Okay well that's not true but... the most important thing in a relationship is communication. You need to know how your partner is feeling, and they need to know how you're feeling"

"But is this even a relationship?" Clarke blurted before she could stop herself, her hands immediately slapping over her mouth as her eyes widened with a traitorous look at her vocals.

"It sounds to me like you are aware of her insecurities, but she doesn't even know yours exists, it can't do any bad to tell her" Octavia reassured.

Clarke thought about what Octavia had said, putting her studying aside. She did know how Lexa felt, but Lexa didn't really know how she felt. Not that Lexa wasn't interested, its just that Clarke wasn't the most open and revealing person. And this whole time she had been making sure she was aware of Lexa and her feelings instead of allowing Lexa to know how she's feeling.

_But she hasn't asked._

Eventually, she decided that talking to Lexa would be the best thing. That way she could maybe even have a chance at being with Lexa publicly and not just privately.

"So what are you doing for thanksgiving?" Octavia prodded, changing the subject.

"Umm... well I'm actually going to Lexa's..." Clarke mumbled.

Octavia slapped her hand over her agape mouth and her eyebrows rose to her hairline. "Meeting the parents already?! Who do you think she'll introduce you as?"

Clarke tipped her head back and crashed back onto the bed. "I dont know". She muttered.

"I guess you'll find out soon enough what it is between you two, huh?." Octavia nudged Clarke's shoulder as she smiled stiffly in response.

_Yeah, I guess so._

* * *

 

_Is my hair okay?_

_Is my dress too short?_

_Oh my god I just put some deodorant on. Why do you sweat still you traitorous pits._

_Should I brush my teeth or have a mint? No brushing my teeth will ruin the turkey._

_Is that a... you've got to be kidding me! A stain!? I just got you out of the cupboard._

_Why is my mascara empty? Dammit Tris!_

_"Okay Google. How long until you die of hyperventilation?... No! Not how long until you start menstruation!"_

Little did Clarke know that while she was freaking out about the prospect of formally meeting Lexa's parents as whoever Lexa introduced her as, Lexa was about to meet Clarke's parents aswell, and the poor girl was having a coniption at just about everything that crossed her mind, or more accurately, her line of vision.

This was an important night and a huge milestone in... whatever it is going on with her and Clarke, and she was damned if she was going to make a bad impression. Lexa Woodsen was not a perfectionist at heart, but tonight she most certainly was.

For the few hours prior to their eight o'clock Wooffin dinner, as Tris had dubbed it, Lexa had been racing around like a headless chicken making sure that the house was spotless of clothes, crumbs, DVD cases, you name it, she was on to it. The poor girl had even pulled out the vacuum and the steam mop to steam the tiles.

Of course Lexa's family found it to be hilarious. Tris had intentionally spilt popcorn on the carpet and soft drink on the tiles just to spite Lexa. Though her parents sat back and relaxed taking it as a day of miracles and luxury that their teenage daughter was cleaning the house.

Lexa's father had even made a comment that while he praised Lexa for her presentation, he wondered why she was so stressed about it, to which Tris had almost spilt the beans about her and Clarke before Lexa swiftly shut her up.

Of course Lexa had told Tris about her and Clarke. Her sister was the only person she could really talk to about it with, if she was honest. In fact, she hadn't even told her parents that she liked girls yet, due to the fact that she was too afraid they might disown or neglect her for her preferences.

So Lexa had sat down with Tris and spoken about her plan of attack, that being if she should tell her parents she liked girls, and then maybe that she was kind of with a girl. But tonight, a new problem was lurking on the horizon. It was thanksgiving, nearly one month since Lexa and Clarke decided on 'things', the blonde was coming over for dinner as Lexa's god knows what, Lexa's parents didn't even know a single thing about her and they didn't even know she liked girls. It was a complete and utter shamble.

_What do I introduce her as? I can't say friend, because she's not. But I can't say partner because... I dont know are we?_

The girl was at an absolute loss at what to do. She didn't want to make Clarke feel uncomfortable with introducing the blonde as her girlfriend, she didn't even know if that's what Clarke wanted because neither of them had discussed it much. That was something they _definitely_ had to do.

She also didn't want to put her parents on the spot with the double whammy confession of "Hey guys, I like girls and this is my girlfriend!". Along with that, she didn't want to risk what she had with Clarke by taking a chance and introducing Clarke as her friend. Another complete and utter shamble.

_What if she doesn't want to be introduced as my friend? What If she hates that, what if she hates me? But what if she doesn't want to be my girlfriend either?_

_Knock. Knock._

Lexa's head snapped up to the door fast enough you could hear the residual _snap_ like one of Quentin Tarrantino's movies. Her mothers modulated and velvety voice rung through the halls.

"Landon, Lexa, honey I think our guests have arrived. Could you please get the door?" she sing-songed while she prodded the turkey.

"Of course, Natalie dear" Lexa's father, Landon called into the kitchen.

_Okay just be cool, Lexa. You're cool. No, cool people don't tell themselves they're cool. Just be Lexa, just be._

* * *

Car rides like this were always her favourite. The scenery was sweet and houses were lit up in thanksgiving spirit. But most of all, it was her favourite because of Lexa. Everything that revolved around the emerald eyed, ethereal brunette had Clarke swooning.

The blonde was, by all means smitten. Just hearing the name 'Lexa' had her head whipping up and her eyes bugging out of their sockets. Within a short amount of time, Lexa had become a drug to Clarke. She just couldn't get enough of her and anytime she was without the brunette, it was as if she was going through her own Lexa-induced withdrawal.

The moment the car pulled alongside the Woodsen residence, Clarke was out the car and by the door in an instant. She had never been more excited in her life. She had a feeling, and inkling that this would be the night she had been waiting for. The night that she might finally be able to tell everyone that Lexa was hers. The night that she would no longer have to hide what was going on.

The door swung open shortly after a few knocks to Lexa, clad in a surprisingly nice, for mustard, coloured knitted sweater with 'Happy Thanksgiving' on the front, along with skin tight black jeans and faux fur low-cut  and heeled, black combat boots. Her brunette locks were straightened, and she wore her glasses which she knew drove Clarke mad.

Beside Lexa was a tall, muscular man with a sharp jawline, handsome features and familiar green eyes which Lexa surely inherited.

"Please, come in" Lexa gestured with a warm smile, stepping aside so the Griffin family could enter.

Before any introductions could begin, a tall but toned woman entered the living area with chunky brown locks but bright blue eyes, similar to Clarke herself. She looked almost like an exact replica of an older Lexa if it weren't for the eyes. She was clad in black dress pants which fit her well, heels, and an olive singlet dress top which showed off her toned arms.

_What is in this families genetics?_

"Hi, pleased to meet you. You must be the Griffin's, I'm Natalie." Lexa's mother introduced herself with a kind smile and a handshake to each Griffin.

Clarke's mother responded with another warm smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you too, Natalie. Aden here hasn't stopped talking about your daughter" Abby confessed, causing Aden to blush ferociously.

The parents shared a small laugh before Lexa's parents turned to her expectantly.

_Oh shit. Here goes._

Clarke felt pulse rate and breathing quicken as her palms began to dampen with a nervous sweat.

"Mum, dad, this is Clarke. She's my...." Lexa trailed as she gestured her hands in nervous circles trying to figure out what to say.

 _Girlfriend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend_. Clarke silently prayed.

"She's my friend from class." Lexa concluded as she faced Clarke again.

 _Friend_...

The blonde’s entire demeanour dropped like the titanic and her face slumped as if all control over her body was momentarily taken away from her. She quickly composed herself, hoping no one had seen the defeated look in her body. Apparently not.

She hadn't noticed Lexa studying her face and body for any clues as to how good or bad the introduction was. When she locked eyes with Lexa once more, she saw a tsunami of regret flood those emerald eyes.

As quickly as she composed herself, Clarke plastered the best fake smile she could for the rest of the night, still content to make the best impression she could. Even if she was only just a _friend_ in Lexa's parents eyes.

The dinner was a concoction of different colour, taste, and meals. A glazed golden turkey with glassè cherries was served for the main course along with roasted sweet potatoes, seared asparagus and an expensive red wine Clarke's parents had bought. Lexa and Clarke were both allowed one glass with their meal to which Clarke secretly thanked the God's above for allowing her an alcoholic release. For dessert was a caramel pie with home made whipped cream that was to die for.

The entire time Clarke had been willing the dinner to last longer so that she could avoid the inevitable talk with Lexa. It was obvious that the girl had seen the look on Clarke’s features, but since then, Clarke had given her best poker face in attempts to show Lexa she was okay. But inside she was shattered.

Once the dinner had concluded, the parents had set themselves up in the living room with a bottle of champagne and instructed the teens to entertain themselves. Tris and Aden hadn’t wasted any time in racing up to her room, which left Clarke and Lexa to themselves.

The brunette tentatively took Clarke’s hand and let her upstairs to her room where she shut the door behind them and approached Clarke.

* * *

The dinner had been going far too slow for Lexa’s liking. The only thing she could think about was Clarke. Her smile, her laugh, her eyes, her movements, her everything. Everything was about Clarke. All Lexa wanted was to replace the shattered look she saw on the blonde’s face at the beginning of the night to a much more happier face.

She could see right through Clarke’s facade, she wasn’t fooling Lexa. Lexa knew she had royally messed up this time and she desperately wanted to make things okay so she wouldn’t have yet another sleepless night. She knew that if she didn’t fix things then it would eat away at her until she did.

But then again, there was a fifty per cent chance of actually making the right introduction, and Lexa never was one for luck. So once dinner ended, she decided she would take Clarke upstairs and hopefully make things better. After closing the door, she approached Clarke with a small smile.

"I've been waiting to do this all night" she spoke with a husk as her arms circled Clarke's waist and she tilted her head in to capture Clarke's lips in her own.

Before she could close the gap, Clarke turned her head so Lexa missed her lips entirely. "Mmmm" Clarke mumbled disinterested as she shook her head and pulled away from Lexa's embraces.

Lexa looked physically taken back and her brows furrowed. "Clarke? What's wrong?" She cautioned, her tone dripping with concern at the impending conversation.

"I dont know, why don't you tell me, _friend_ " Clarke spoke suckeningly sweetly, emphasising her last words sarcastically.

Lexa pulled away and let out a shallow breath. "Okay I get it you're mad, but what would you of liked me to say, Clarke?"

"Oh, I dont know... the truth maybe?" Clarke retorted instantly.

Lexa's face scrunched up and she shrugged her shoulders, gesturing her arms out infront of herself. "So what? You've told your parents?"

Clarke paused. ".... No, but—" she stuttered, clearly unprepared for the question.

Lexa shrugged even more, if that was possible. "So why do you have the right to lecture me?"

"Still..." Clarke responded completely toneless.

Lexa shook her head in disbelief at Clarke's lack of understanding. "Clarke, I haven't even told them I like girls, let alone I'm with one okay?" She pleaded.

"It didn't mean you had to lie, Lexa!" Clarke snapped.

"I DIDNT! We are not girlfriends, remember?." Lexa snapped back immediately without any control over the words which flowed out.

"Wow... okay." Clarke slumped as she turned for the bedroom door.

Lexa's right hand flew to her mouth, realising her monumental screwup while her left hand was out to stop Clarke. "No wait! Clarke please stop. I didn't mean that." She pleaded.

The blonde turned on foot, her warm cerulean pools replaced with a dark twisted look. "No I think you did. You know what couples do Lexa? They date. And I know we said we would take it slow, but... it doesn't mean you should lie about us either." And with that she was out the door, leaving Lexa alone in her tracks.

The following days at school, Clarke had ignored Lexa during class, during breaks, in the cafeteria, even ignoring her texts and calls. If she could, Lexa would go back in time to stop herself saying what she did. Those are the words no one ever really wants to hear, the words Lexa promised herself she would never say.

But she slipped up. She was at a loss on what to do or what to say. She couldn’t get anywhere near Clarke because the second the blonde saw her, she was off in a different direction. Until one lunchtime on Wednesday, Raven sat by Lexa.

“Raven? What are you doing here?” Lexa asked.

Raven gave her an incredulous look. “I’m here to help you. I don’t know what exactly is going on between you guys, but I have seen enough to know a bit. I can also see that something has meased you both up and I’m here to help”

Lexa scoffed. “Well good luck. I can’t even get within a ten foot radius of Clarke.”

“Look, I’m doing this because Clarke is my best friend, I would do anything for her. But I also know that she has never been as carefree and happy as she has been this past month. You’re alright in my books Woodsen, and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I couldn’t have shown you earlier” the Latina admitted.

“So” she continued, wiggling her eyebrows. “Everyone knows that Clarke is one of grand gestures and dramatics. She’s a Griffin after all.”

Lexa looked confused. “So what’s your point?” 

Raven rolled her eyes as though it was the simplest thing in the entire world. ”Sooo” she dragged on, “Clarke is usually the very last person to leave to the changeroom after the game on Thursdays, so surprise her. Make it big and make it loud, she will hear you. You dig me?” The Latina pumped.

Lexa nodded slowly, narrowing her eyes in question. “But how do I tell her to get back to the gym. She won’t even pass it if she’s leaving from the changeroom. And I can’t get near her, Raven, remember?.”

Raven smirked before patting Lexa’s forearm. “Oh, child. Sweet and innocent child. It’s called a diversion. Once the bell goes, follow me back to the lockers. I’ll distract her long enough for you to sneak behind her okay?”

With Raven’s master plan and new found confidence, Lexa followed the Latina back to the lockers, waiting for the perfect opportunity to reach Clarke. Upon her arrival, Raven immediately left, leaving an unknowing Clarke with Lexa behind her.

"Clarke?” Lexa spoke softly as the blonde girl spun on her foot.

Her eyes widened momentarily in surprise before they settled on a stone cold glare. Lexa figured she deserved as much.

She took in a deep breath to collect her nerves before she spoke. “I'm sorry. I-I-I don't know what came over me. I don't know why I said what I did. But I know that I am so _so_ sorry.” She breathed out.  “And if you let me, I want to make it up to you."

"I'm kind of busy right now" Clarke scowled.

"Thursday night.” Lexa continued, uninterested in any of the blonde’s blow offs. “After your game. After your shower and all, please, come back to the gymnasium before you leave.” Lexa had then left Clarke as quickly as the blonde left her the other night.

 _Phase one complete. Now, phase two_.

* * *

She didn’t know why she came back. Part of her wanted to, but part of her was still deeply hurt and frustrated at Lexa. Clarke was notorious at holding grudges, however her body had a mind of its own when it came to Lexa, and soon enough she found her feet moving from underneath her in direction of the gymnasium.

Her body was riddled with excitement, anger, nerves and curiosity. She even had that weak feeling that you sometimes get in your groin in your inner thighs when you’re super anxious. It had well and truly bypassed the stomach flutters and went straight for the groin flutters.

Yesterday she had seen Raven sitting with Lexa at lunch time which she chose to think nothing of, until her vibrant best friend cornered her at her lockers. She had a feeling that whatever it was that was apparently happening inside the gymnasium was related to the other day.

Still, Clarke puffed her chest and strutted with pride. Ready to absorb whatever it was that was waiting for her. But, she wasn’t ready. Not even close.

She wasn’t ready for the single red clothed table with two chairs that she saw was placed in the centre of the gym. She wasn’t ready for the sporting spotlights to so beautifully illuminate the shadowed surroundings. She wasn’t ready for the hundreds of little rose pedals that had be thrown around the floor, all except for a narrow path that lead straight to the table. She wasn’t ready for then sudden song which filled her heart and body with adoration, Elvis’ _Can’t Help Falling In Love_. She wasn’t ready for her favourite after-match meal, Mc Donald’s to be spread about the table, along with some white roses with Clarke’s name on them. And she certainly wasn’t ready for what was next.

Upon reaching the table, and admiring the setting, Clarke noticed a small card which read ‘turn around’. As she tentatively turned around she almost stumbled upon Lexa, _her_ Lexa. The brunette was down on one knee in a beautiful black cocktail dress, her brunette locks pulled over one shoulder while her adoring emerald eyes focused up on Clarke as if she were an angel. A single tear escaped Lexa’s eyes as her mouth slightly parted, and Clarke wanted nothing more than to pull the girl to her feet and take those plump pillowy lips in hers, her anger and frustration be damned.

"Clarke” Lexa started shakily, her eyes never leaving Clarke’s. “I'm not good with things like this... with relationships. I've never had one before... not until you. I know that I should of handled things better, but I'm still learning. And I only ask that you help me because this past month has been the greatest time of my life. I want nothing more right now than to be with you, to let everyone I possible can, know that I’m with you. I've had many firsts this year and I would like to make a new first with you... If you let me. Clarke Abigail Griffin, will you be my girlfriend?" Lexa concluded, releasing a shakey breath.

_Will you be my girlfriend?_

_Will you be my girlfriend?_

_Will you be my girlfriend?_

Over and over again Lexa’s words replayed in her mind. Had she not heard Lexa correctly? Was she really asking Clarke to be her girlfriend? Clarke didn’t know how long she silently stood there shocked, obviously it was for a bit because Lexa cleared her throat, looking expectantly up at Clarke, still with her adoring emerald eyes.

_Oh right! Shit! Okay umm... I wonder if her knee is beginning to hurt? No Clarke! Back to question._

“Yes” she responded softly as she reached her hand out for Lexa’s.

Lexa took Clarke’s outstretched hand and climbed to her feet. It was then that Clarke brought her hands around the nape of Lexa’s neck and pulled the girl in for a passionate kiss. The touch was tenderly soft at first, small flicks of tongues against each other in light teasing.

The kiss then turned hungry as Lexa pulled Clarke in harder by the girls waist, her hands squeezing possessively at Clarke’s curved hips, eliciting a breathy moan from the girl. Tongues continued to attack and twirl into each other as each girl explored the euphoric taste of the other. The sound of wetness and hot pants muffled out the song in the background as both girls surrendered themselves to one another’s touch.

Clarke then pulled back from the kiss slowly, taking Lexa’s bottom lip in hers teasingly as she went. The brunette’s eyes flashed open and shuddered slightly, as all traces of emerald was swallowed by blackened pupils. Both girls puffed hard with intoxication and arousal, and Clarke teasingly swiped Lexa’s lips with her tongue before smirking.

“While you do taste incredible, Lex, the food does aswell and it’s getting cold” Clarke said with a glisten in her eye before adding a wink for effect.

She removed her hands from around Lexa and pulled out a seat for the brunette, curtsying in the process.

“That’s not even half of how good I taste” Lexa retorted seductively, taking a seat in the pulled out chair as Clarke’s eyes popped and her body stiffened.

 _You don’t need to tell me twice_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the argument was necessary because 1. All relationships have them. It's important. 2. It's highschool, its drama! It’s realistic. Bite me. :P
> 
> Just a reminder that Lexa is a precious little bean who is new to it all, she’s bound to make mistakes and she needs time, so give it a little. Who knows, I might reward you guys next chapter if you're lucky! Cause I do intend to have an 18th birthday, Christmas and New Years so next chapter is party central! (If it all fits)
> 
> Let me know what you think! I love the feedback guys! I love the kudos too haha!  
> Until next time! Xx
> 
> *ALSO PLEASE KEEP ME UPDATED IF YOU WOULD LIKE A SEQUEL!


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers! 
> 
> *WARNING*  
> Minor smut ensues.
> 
> So sorry I’ve had to split this into two chapters, again i got carried away and can’t bring myself to delete any of it! So this chapter and next will be a continuation, I promise the partying will happen next chapter! Here is Part One of the Christmas Break.
> 
> If you get confused, all the way up until the arrival of our special guest takes place over one day/night. So it’s pretty busy but yeah... enjoy this monster.
> 
> A/N: I would just like to put out there that in my last chapter which I have read over and over again, my writing could have been misunderstood. In no way was I including the idea of pressuring Lexa to come out. If it seemed that way then I apologise, it was not at all my intention and I understand it may be a sensitive topic. So I have written a little about it in this chapter for those who feel as though I may have been pressuring Lexa, because that didn’t even occur to me when I was writing last chapter.

Ever since the night in the gym, Lexa and Clarke have been open to telling people about their now somewhat exclusive relationship. Clarke was on cloud nine. There was never a time in her life that she could remember where she was happier than she was now. She finally had the girl, _her_ girl, so there was practically nothing to be unhappy or concerned about, _practically_.

Despite the euphoria, she could still feel an unspoken tension between her and Lexa, an issue which had been slowly nibbling away at her and the other day was only a confirmation to Clarke’s hypothesis.

Clarke had invited Lexa over for a movie and Mac & Cheese night. The once reserved Clarke had been not so subtly affectionate during the movie, even when her parents were around. Earlier that night she had confessed to Lexa that she had spoken to her parents about her relationship with the brunette and they were more than pleased, having had good impressions made from Thanksgiving.

At the time, Lexa had seemed okay with the fact that Clarke’s parents knew of their relationship, after all, it was no secret that Clarke Griffin was bisexual. But the following day, Lexa had seemed to be pulling away slightly and wouldn’t meet Clarke’s gaze. She had even shied away from the becoming common public displays of affection, to which Clarke noticed immediately as Lexa was _never_ one to shy away from gentle kisses and nibbles.

However the girl just brushed them away like it was nothing, or blamed it on ‘that time of the month’. But at the rate it was going, it must have been the worlds longest period.

Leading up to that night though, particularly after their hearty chat on thanksgiving, Clarke had been questioning the fact of whether or not she had been inadvertently pressuring Lexa about coming out to her parents as ‘gay’ and telling them about her relationship. It was something which was made very clear after their spat on thanksgiving that Lexa’s parents didn’t know of her sexuality and Lexa was the least bit thrilled to tell them.

Telling their friends and in turn, most of the school was one thing, but coming out to her parents was a hell of a lot more different and far more difficult than telling a friend. Parents have different expectations than friends do, Lexa’s parents especially considering the ‘no-bullshit’, strict upbringing she had. That was the military side of things, and Clarke knew that the environment for Lexa to come out was polar opposite to the one she had.

Coming out to her friends had already been a big deal for Lexa, and Clarke respected her tremendously for it, but no matter what she told herself, she couldn’t fight the notion that she had been subconsciously pressuring Lexa about coming out to her parents. In fact, that was the very last thing she ever wanted to do.

Unlike many confused people, Clarke’s _coming out_ had been extremely positive and supportive. Clarke had always known she felt different from a young age. It first stemmed to the events in early pre-middle school years when she would pay more attention to the girls rather than the boys.

Instead of sitting with the boys, playing with the boys, laughing with the boys or even crushing on the boys, she did all that with the girls. Her first childhood crush came about when a sweet tan girl with sandy blonde hair, Niylah, complimented Clarke one day saying that she had beautiful eyes. Niylah was her first real crush, and afterwards, she followed the girl around aimlessly as if she put the stars in the sky. Now of course, she knew that was Lexa.

  
Later on in middle school, Clarke noticed her feelings and thoughts towards girls deepened, particularly when the girls would enter the change rooms and get ready for physical education. She had always found herself to be more observant of the girls as they changed, not in a vain way, but in a curious way. Her eyes would linger over certain girls developing features and mentally, Clarke had formed in her middle school brain the ideal image of her ‘fantasy crush’.

She admired girls for their curves, their freckles, their eyes, their hair, their smile, even for how they smelt, but most of all their heart and compassion. It was never just a single surfaced thought she had. Every thought she conjured had depth and meaning behind it, what meaning, she didn’t actually know.

This was her curious stage though. It wasn’t until one day about half way through middle school when her teenage hormones started really breaking through that she first had a thought about potentially kissing a girl in the same context that she would kiss a boy. After a few months of these constant thoughts and much too graphic dreams for a girl that age, Clarke had eventually gained the courage to tell her parents that she thought of girls just as much, if not more than she does boys.

At such a young age, her parents reassured her that it’s okay to be curious and have such thoughts. They assured her then and there that no matter what, they would always love her and support her no matter who or what she liked, as long as it was legal. Yes, they emphasised the last part very clearly.

Freshman year was the year that Clarke shared her first kiss with a girl. Said girl happened to be none other than Raven Reyes, although it was strictly a platonic kiss for the betterment of both girls during the infamous ‘teenage sexuality crisis’ stage. Raven happened to be sorting out her own orientation and decided that it couldn’t hurt their friendship if she used Clarke, and Clarke used her for a makeout session. As it turned out, Raven was right, because the two of them were closer now than ever, strictly on a friendly basis.

But in that moment, Clarke realised that nothing about what she felt or what she thought was wrong. In fact, it was very very right and she yearned for something of that caliber for real. Her first serious girlfriend came at the end of freshman year and lasted until the end of sophomore year and throughout that time, her parents had been nothing but supportive and loving of their daughters choice.

Clarke had always known, or at least had an idea that she liked girls more than boys, not to say that she was unattracted to men, she was just more attracted to women. For Clarke, there’s just something about being with a girl that’s different than being with a guy. The women she’s been with are soft and gentle, almost like a replicated version of how Clarke would treat someone. The feminitity of the relationship is beautiful and nurturing, there is no alpha-dominance or testosterone full competitiveness, it’s like coming up for a long awaited breath of fresh air.

That’s exactly how she felt with Lexa. Now that she had her fantasy girl, every moment in her presence was like a gift where Clarke finally felt like she could breath properly, and drop the weight off her back which had been gravitating her down for ages.

This was a luxury that not all girls and boys are granted with. So of course Clarke would never intentionally try and force Lexa to come out, but she couldn’t help but confirm that the odd behaviour coming from her girlfriend was the result of her anxiety about her parents finding out.

Lexa’s background was completely different than Clarke’s. Their values, their religion, their occupations, even the atmosphere that surrounded the Woodsen’s was tense and strict, it was almost suffocating in a way. That seemed an apt description though, that Lexa was suffocating in the possible shame and turmoil of what her parents would think about her after she told them she was ‘gay’.

That was the kicker though. Lexa knew for a fact that it wasn’t bisexuality, it was homosexuality, which she had told Clarke over and over agin. The blonde was at a loss of what she could do for her girlfriend. On one hand she wanted her girlfriend to be able to tell her parents and not feel ashamed, on the other, she didn’t want to pressure Lexa all the while being supportive of her.

“So Clarkey, now that you and Woodsen are official, does that mean we can triple date?” Raven asked, flashing her brows up at Bellamy.

Bellamy’s head shot to the roof as he glared at Raven across the cafeteria table. He proceeded to clutch his heart in feigned distress. “Hey! What about me? I thought _we_ were the triple date?” He complained as he motioned to Echo.

Octavia sighed as she shook her head. “Look, Bellamy, there really is no nice way to put this. We love Echo, she’s great but you really smell like a dog’s ass with that cologne you wear. So, sorry, we’re subbing you out for Clexa over here.” She piped in over a mouthful of apple crumble.

Clarke and Lexa shared devilish grins at each other. The word that the two girls were dating spread like wild fire after the gym date. Soon enough Octavia had ended up celebrity branding their relationship, a name which both girls were fond of, especially Clarke because it reminded her that this was in fact very real and not a hoax or dream. It reminded her that she was with Lexa, and Lexa was hers.

“Yeah, what exactly is it you wear?” Echo queried, turning to her boyfriend.

“Garbage galore” Clarke cut in before Bellamy could answer.

The delinquents continued their trivial lunchtime banter until the bell sounded signalling fifth period. Luckily for Clarke and Lexa and a few other delinquents, chemistry had been cancelled due to the fact that Mrs. Hu was out sick and “nobody can teach those kids as remotely well as I could”. So consequently, the class was cancelled and the students were allocated a ‘study’ period.

Though ‘study’ period didn’t exactly ring any bells for Clarke and Lexa. The two girls made their way over to the top of bleachers by the football field and Clarke settled against the railing, smiling invitingly for Lexa to sit between her legs, a position she favoured immensely, Lexa between her legs.

* * *

It was the last week. The very last week of the semester. The last school week before Christmas break. And the last week before Clarke’s eighteenth birthday. Yes, that’s right, the day of birth of one Clarke Griffin had fallen within the Christmas break and within days of Christmas itself, five days to be exact. To say that this week was a rat race was an under statement.

Not only was the ‘Crazed Christmas’ shopping up in the air, and Lexa hadn’t even begun Christmas gift shopping, she was stumped on what exactly she could do for the first birthday celebration she would have with Clarke, an eighteenth birthday at that. Lexa was adamant that she wouldn’t give up until she found the most thoughtful and perfect gift.

There was just one problem with that. There was only just over one week left until the birthday bash that Clarke’s friends had been planning and Lexa was still at square one with gift ideas, and she still had a full week of school left which consumed the majority of her time.

“Babe, you okay? You’re awfully quiet” Clarke whispered in Lexa’s ear as she squeezed the brunette’s middle tighter.

Lexa sighed contentedly, revelling in the warmth and security that Clarke provided her in that moment. “Yeah, just thinking is all”. She responded with a dazed smile as she snuggled her back further into Clarke’s front.

Clarke let out a soft chuckle. “You think too loudly”. She whispered again, pressing a kiss to Lexa’s temple. “You know... about thanksgiving—“

“Clarke, dont.” Lexa cut in, turning serious.

Clark huffed in protest. “No, wait. You don’t even know where I’m going with this”. She replied stubbornly. “Since then, I’ve been thinking and I just want you to know that if you felt like I did, I never meant to pressure you about your parents. I was angry and upset and I never really apologised.”

“Clarke it’s not a big deal” Lexa replied irritated as she pulled away to turn and look at Clarke.

The blonde rolled her eyes, glancing down to the practicing footballers. “It is”. She pushed. “You’re my girlfriend now and it’s my job to be there for you, always. So I want you to know that I never want you to feel like you have to do anything or say anything for me in any circumstance that you’re not comfortable with, okay?”

Lexa titled her head and gave the warmest, toothless smile. Quite frankly, it was one of the cutest things Clarke had ever seen. “Okay”. She whispered as she leaned in to connect her lips with Clarke’s in a gentle but chaste kiss.

A low rumbling moan sounded from the back of Clarke’s throat but before she could deepen the kiss, Lexa pulled away with a toothy grin, leaving Clarke with a frustrated pout.

“You’re coming to my party right?” Clarke asked, completely changing the topic.

Lexa’s face scrunched in an adorable but devilish way. “Do I have a choice?” She prodded.

“No.” Clarke shot back instantaneously. “It just wouldn’t be a proper birthday without you there. Besides...” Clarke began as her tone shifted significantly and she wore her trademark smirk, “You’d be the best gift Ive ever received, and I can unwrap later on”. She spoke, her voice husked and sultry.

Despite the sexy and bravado filled persona that the blonde suddenly adopted, Lexa could hear the softer side in Clarke’s tone which let her know she was merely joking and just after a cheap laugh.

 _Two can play at that game_.

Lexa raised her eyebrows and bit her lip seductively. “Not with that attitude, Griffin.” She shot back with a shit eating grin.

Clarke let her jaw slack as she feigned a look of disbelief. “Fine then” she settled jokingly. “But get back in here, little spoon” She said as she motioned to the still empty space between her and Lexa.

The brunette relented and slumped back into Clarke, appreciating how their banter had progressed, and how easily Clarke could adopt a seductive, alluring role, only to slip back into a puddle of goo the next minute. She had never felt more at home than she did with Clarke.

* * *

With each day that passed, the more nervous Lexa became for Clarke’s eighteenth. After an extensive conversation with Tris, who happily played the receiver of all things Clarke from Aden, in attempt to help Lexa find a gift, she had decided that the birthday gift would be one in the same as the Christmas gift she had been planning. All that was left was getting her parents aid in acquiring said gift.

“Hey mum” Lexa sounded shyly from the kitchen walkway.

Natalie turned on foot from where she was slaved over the stove stirring some cheese sauce for the corn beef dinner later on. “Yes, honey?” She answered in a warm tone.

Lexa shifted nervously on her feet, having realised that what she was about to ask was no simple gesture. Then the idea that her parents would find out about her feelings, and therefore her relationship with Clarke dawned on her.

_Surely she’ll figure it out if I ask._

_No, stop it Lexa, just do it. Just ask her._

“So...” she began, her voice wavering. “Clarke’s birthday is coming up soon.”

“Clarke! How is she?” Natalie asked, genuinely intrigued. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about her. I haven’t heard you mention her since our dinner last month. She seems like a very lovely girl”.

Lexa paused for a moment, not at all ready for her mother’s compliments of her girlfriend. “She’s uh— she’s fine” Lexa stuttered awkwardly, trying not to give anything away.

She wanted so desperately to tell her parents everything, to tell them how amazing Clarke is to her, to tell them how every time she sees the blonde her heart starts pacing, her stomach starts fluttering, her palms start sweating and her head and her heart starts swirling like a tornado full of emotions that she can’t yet comprehend.

She wanted to tell them that around Clarke she feels as though she can do anything, she feels invincible, as if the blonde elevates everything she says or does. She wanted to tell them how much being around Clarke makes her happy, happier than she’s ever been, as if the blonde is her own little quartet of dopamine, seretonin, oxytocin and endorphins, and she just can’t get enough of the ecstasy filled feeling.

She wanted to tell her parents all these things and all these feelings but there was an overwhelming part of her that kept the truth from coming out, buried at a bottomless pit of doubt. A part of her which fueled her imagination with the worst of ideas and the worst of thoughts. A part of her that told her that her parents will reject her, kick her out and abandon her, and that _you are a freak of nature_.

As brutal as it sounds, it was the truth. Lexa’s over active imagination often got the best of her, and her mind would drift in to all places dark and twisty.

“But about her birthday, I heard you and father talking about those match tickets the other week. You wouldn’t still have them by any chance?” Lexa queried.

Natalie’s face scrunched for a minute in thought. “The volleyball tickets for the _DC Reapers_?”

The _DC Reapers_ just happened to be the national university team of TonDC. They were one of the best national teams in the country, and even competed internationally. Lexa also knew that Clarke happened to have a pending scholarship for volleyball to DCU for next fall, and Lexa knew the blonde would be ecstatic to get tickets to see one of their matches, considering they sold almost as fast as Justin Bieber tickets.

Maybe that was to do with all the young boys drooling over the fit women in booty shorts, or the young girls wishing they could be those women in booty shorts. But for Clarke, it was different altogether. Sure she admired a beautiful girl who looked amazing, but the skill level of the players was astounding. They were the best of the best, and that’s what Clarke strived to be.

Luckily for Lexa though, her parents had a great reputation in the forces, and had made a lasting impression on their commanding officer, General Indra, who happened to be a massive volleyball fan and always seemed to have spare tickets. It did help than General Indra’s nephew was the head coach for the _Reapers_. Consequently, Indra would often send out the tickets to her ‘friends’ for their use, which worked out pretty well for Lexa this time round.

“Yes! Those ones!” Lexa urged triumphantly.

“I believe so, why’s that?”

“Well I was wondering if it would be okay for me to give them to Clarke?” Lexa prodded. “She has a scholarship to DCU, and—and she absolutely loves the _Reapers_ and it would absolutely be the best possible gift for her and—and she would be so excited and—“

“Alexandria!” Natalie stressed, clearly overloaded from the flood of words pouring from her daughters mouth. “Yes. You can give the tickets to Clarke. They can be a gift from all of— _oomf_.”

Before Natalie could finish, Lexa was jumping up and down and engulfed her mother’s lithe frame in a bone crushing hug. “Thankyou, Thankyou, Thankyou!” Lexa squealed.

“She must be pretty special if you’re getting this excited about it.” Natalie questioned once Lexa finally let her go.

Lexa’s face immediately dropped as she tried her best to reserve her excitement, unsure of her mother’s motives. “Uh... well... ummm... w-yeah, I mean...” Lexa stumbled over her words awkwardly, now completely aware of how flustered she must look and the blush which adorned her face.

Natalie let out a graceful, hearty laugh in recognition of her daughters nervousness. “It’s okay honey, as I said, she is a lovely girl. But you know that I’m here if you ever need to talk to me about... _something else_ ”.

The emphasis on her last words caused Lexa to question if in fact her mother already knew of her feelings towards Clarke, but if she was just too polite to question Lexa herself. Although there seemed more to it than that. The sincerity in her mother’s tone frightened her even more.

_What if she really does know?_

_I can’t tell her... can I?_

_What would father think?_

It was as if her mother was reading her thoughts, and she continued, “your father and I both. We are always here for you, Alexandria. There is no side we have but yours.”

While her words were settling, they also brought Lexa to a different train of thought altogether. “Speaking of dad, where is he?”

It was Natalie’s turn to now blush beet red and stumble over her words, something which Lexa had never seen in all her years as a daughter. Her mother never faultered, never became awkward or nervous. She was perhaps as graceful and elegant as a butterfly, and as confident as Beyoncè performing one of her solo dance numbers. This was a whole side of her mother that was equally intriguing as it was alarming.

“Your father will be home around dinner” Natalie recovered rather quickly. “I hope you’ll be eating with us, it will be a shame for you to miss our guest.” She finished with a wink.

_Right... Whatever you say mum..._

* * *

The end of each semester always seemed to be the slowest part of the school year, particularly in the last week. Usually Clarke would spend her time practicing her jump serves, bumps and spikes, however volleyball was always haulted on winter break.

The other time she would spend doing assignments, homework or studying her AP units, although there was barely any work at the end of the semester. Her parents also had strict rules about going out on school nights, even if it was the last week. There was absolutely nothing to do, and it seemed as though all the delinquents shared the same experience, as they were all involved in video Skype group call.

“ _Griff... don’t tell me you got A.I.?_ ” Raven blurted through the speakers, the Latina practically jumping out of her chair through the screen.

“ _What’s that? What’s A.I.?_ ” Lexa asked as she fixed the nail polish on her toes.

Clarke was not at all a foot person, no she had a different fetish that was far from feet, but she couldn’t deny that Lexa did have adorable little toes. It certainly helped that she had her round bug glasses on which she continually adjusted every few seconds, and her hair was in a massive frizz thanks to her shower.

If Clarke had to say so herself, she was the luckiest woman in the world. Everything about Lexa was intriguing, beautiful, sexy and absolutely adorable all at once, if that was even possible. There wasn’t a single thing that Clarke could muster up about the brunette that was at all unattractive to her. Surely, Lexa must have fallen from heaven because when Clarke wished for an angel, she sure got one.

“ _Ass implants_ ” Murphy snarked.

“ _Remind me again why we are even friends, let alone invite you in our group calls?_ ” Octavia retorted, glaring through her screen. Murphy responded with a flat expression and a middle finger salute.

“ _Artififical intelligence?_ ” Lexa squeaked excitedly once the back and fourth riff raff of the delinquents settled down.

A small, gleeful voice coming from none other than a stoned Jasper Jordan could be heard from behind Monty. “ _Affirmadoo_ ” he chuckled to himself.

“ _Is Jasper ever not baked?_ ” Echo silently questioned Bellamy through their screen, the two of them having been in a too public place to talk about drugs.

After a short silence, Clarke reverted back to Lexa’s question. “Oh Lex you’re so adorable sometimes. Actually you’re adorable all the time but no, not artificial intelligence”.

“ _A.I. is Artigas/Illian. Only the hottest DJ’s up and down the west coast. They’ve aced out at Daytona spring break three years in a row_ ” Raven boomed once again, genuinely sounding troubled that Lexa had no idea.

“ _They’ve even played support acts alongside artists like Illenium, Diplo, Kygo, SAFIA, Peking Duk... I could go on but you get the idea_ ” Lincoln added, sounding off from his fingers from next to Octavia.

“ _Aww babe, you little music guru, you!_ ” Octavia squeaked teasingly next to her boyfriend.

“ _The guys are legends_ ” Monty interjected.

“ _More like myths_ ” Jasper clarified, his stoned face risen off the bed just barely visible from behind Monty.

“ _And they’re going to be at your party?_ ” Lexa asked toward Clarke, still fixing her nail polish.

“Yeah. My mum somehow “bumped into them” at one of her last conference calls interstate” Clarke added the air quotations. “They’ll be doing a whole production, so it should be pretty lit”.

“ _Griffin’s parties are usually the biggest of the year. If you thought Lincoln’s was massive, then this will be gargantuan._ ” Raven added, directed toward Lexa.

“ _Lexa!_ ” Lexa’s mother could be heard vaguely through the speakers.

“ _Sorry guys, duty calls. Are we still good for Sunday, Clarke?_ ” Lexa asked.

“Of course babe...”

“...”

An awkward silence rung through air as both girls just sat frozen through the screen. She wanted to say it, she really wanted to say it. Those three little words.

But those three words could change their dynamic dramatically. Those three little words were no small thing. Even if she just said “love you” instead. It just didn’t sound right. The difference between those two words and the three words was polar.

For Clarke, she wanted the first time she spoke of love with Lexa to be a private moment. A moment between only the both of them. A moment where Clarke would give herself over in that moment. For Clarke, telling Lexa that she loved her meant that she was surrendering her heart to be either loved in return or stomped on.

By saying those three words, she was allowing Lexa to have control over her. Not in _that_ kind of way, but she was opening herself up for Lexa, becoming vulnerable and giving Lexa the power to hurt her.

The first time she says it has to be a special moment, no matter how much her heart and her brain begged her mouth to say “love you”, just to fill the awkward void of silence. It can’t be just as simple as ”love you”. She has to really mean it when she says it, it’s not a conversation filler.

When she says it, she will do it justice. No short cuts or cheap shots. She will make sure that those three little words that hold so much power will be the sweetest feeling in the world for Lexa. So no matter how much she wanted to close the void of silence with even just those two words, she sat there in silence and gave what could be called as a half wave of sorts, a half wave that was a cross between a Parkinson’s patient and someone with cerebral palsy.

_Really Griffin? Really? You’re Clarke fucking Griffin and you’re waving your girlfriend off?_

_And what the fuck kind of wave was that anyway? Like hello? Anyone home?_

“Okay... Talk later I guess”

It must have been as awkward as it felt if Lexa’s face said anything. The poor girl looked a mix between baffled, shocked and hurt, her little brow crinkle which barely ever made an appearance on the girls features was on full display. This was not good.

Clarke felt like a complete and utter moron. But her friends on the other hand were lapping it up. Octavia was beet red and making snorting sounds in attempt to hold in her laugh, Raven was practically asphyxiating on the floor out of view of the camera, Monty was shaking his head in likely calculated disgust, Murphy, his usual basic expression had twisted into genuine amusement.

“ _Oh Clarkey! Oh! You sweet sweet child_ ” Raven sounded between fits of silent laughter and pants.

“Fuck off” Clarke grumbled, fixing everyone what Raven dubbed as her ‘Grumpy Cat’ frown.

_What a bunch of tossers._

* * *

This was it. Lexa was sure Clarke was about to say it. It’s not like she was frightened or anything. Well okay she was, only a little bit though.

No that’s a lie. She was terrified, terrified of what it would mean once Clarke said those three little words, those three little words that would change everything. It’s not that she didn’t want to hear them, because God did she want to hear them, it’s just as soon as those words are said, then it all becomes real.

And once it becomes real, it becomes something tangible that can be broken, bent, destroyed or lost. It can become the greatest thing in the world, but it can become the most hurtful aswell. Lexa was afraid of it becoming real because she had never had something real and as amazing as this before and she did not want to lose it, even if that meant that their relationship was left in a purgatory state of sorts. A state not quite between a yes and no.

Even though they were official and technically ‘real’, those three little words were the next big step, it was like the follow through to becoming real. Like the marriage ceremony to the proposal. You can do the act and ‘propose’ so to speak, but you have to actually follow through with the marriage for it to be real.

So there she was, deafened by the silence, waiting for those three little words to become the sweetest sound to her ears all night. Luckily a heart monitor wasn’t attached to her, because that thing would be going off more crazy than a dubstep song with no actual tune or pace.

The delinquents were frozen still, their mouths agape and their eyes glued to their screens clearly waiting for the exchange, waiting for Clarke to—

_Wave?_

_Wait... A wave?_

_Did she really just wave?_

_Like an actual wave that probably can’t even be classed as a ‘wave’ because what in the damn hell was that?_

_Maybe she had a fit? Is she ok— yeah no she’s fine._

_Oh come on._

“Okay... Talk later I guess?” Lexa tried tentatively, although it sounded more like a question than anything because what the actual hell?

God, that had to of taken the cake for the most awkward moment in their relationship yet. In fact, it probably took the whole damn bakery.

Lexa made her way out of her room and to the stairs, now filled with the heeby jeebies of just how awkward she felt. Every one of the delinquents had seen what just happened, sans Jasper who wouldn’t even remember any part of the night. Lexa could only imagine what they were saying to Clarke now or what Clarke was saying to them.

In fact, she didn’t even want to imagine what was being said. She just wanted to forget it for dear life. The look on Clarke’s face, the motion of her hand, it was cringeing to think about and despite the fact that Lexa didn’t want to think about it at all, it was the only thing she could think about, because life is just so comically cruel.

It was clear since the beginning of semester that this school year was a year of firsts. The most noteable first happened to be her relationship with Clarke, and just Clarke in general. But she certainly didn’t expect a _first_ of feeling the way she did now.

It was beyond an awkward state, way beyond. Lexa wasn’t sure if she should be relieved, upset, mad or even amused at what just transpired. She didn’t know anything anymore except the look on Clarke’s face and that monstrosity of a ‘wave’.

Nevertheless, she shuffled out of her room and to the balcony of the stairs to question her mother’s call. It was then that she stopped all manner of movement, all train of thought, all being of anything. The next few seconds were purely instinctual, purely primitive when she squealed and sped down the stairs faster than light itself to the figure which stood infront of her couch.

A figure, clad in military clothes, military boots looking nothing but poised and serious except for the warm smile adorning those sharp cheekbones and long arms extending in a welcoming embrace.

 _Anya_.

Lexa tackled her best friend full speed over the back of the couch and the two girls landed in a contorted pile of arms and legs desperately trying to attach to each other and slobbery kisses which left both girls in a giggling mess of puddin’.  
After what seemed hours of an embrace, Anya finally pulled back to get a proper look at the puffy, teary eyed brunette.

It seemed like almost a lifetime ago since the two girls had seen each other. Skype calls just didn’t do it justice and the reality that Anya was right there infront of her was just too overwhelming for Lexa.

“Lexie?” Anya tried, to which Lexa acknowledged with a sniffle.

“Hi Lexie” Anya whispered with a teary smile, the girls still contorted together in one big blob on the floor. “While I love nothing more than my big bear cuddles with you, the floor is not the most comfortable place we could have chosen”

Lexa suppressed a half laugh cry that turned into an adorable toothy grin. “A few more minutes” She whispered into the crook of Anya’s neck, squeezing the girl tighter as if she’d lose her all over again if she didn’t. “Just a few more minutes”.

* * *

“So... When will I meet the infamous and elusive best friend?” Clarke prodded.

Little did Clarke know, today was the day she was receiving her birthday/Christmas gift from Lexa, the sideline volleyball tickets to see the _DC Reapers_ face off against the Polis _Firebirds_ , Polis University’s national team, which also happened to be another university which had interests in Clarke.

So the two girls sat in an oversized Jeep Wrangler which was oh so Lexa, while the brunette carefully dodged the questions that Clarke was firing off like a shotgun. The plan was to first convince Clarke to go ‘Christmas tree shopping’, then somehow appear outside the bustling stadium with two tickets for the best seats in the house to the best game in the house.

Clarke would go absolutely mental if she knew what Lexa was planning. The drive itself didn’t help the cause either, the stadium was a solid twenty-five minute drive even without traffic, so the extra car time only made Clarke that much more curious on their destination, which she had gathered was in fact not ‘Christmas tree shopping’.

Lexa finally relented with the silence and decided that ignoring Clarke’s impatience and deceptive questions would not be a great start to what was meant to be the greatest birthday Lexa could offer. “You will meet her soon. She’s just catching up with some old friends and family but I promise you will meet her.”

Clarke smiled at this. Meeting Anya and knowing Anya was simply another way for her to know Lexa even more, to find out what she was like when she younger or just anything in general. Best friends are the universal trivia book for all people wanting to know about their partner. And anything to do with Lexa, Clarke was interested in, especially the elusive best friend. “Well if she’s anything like you, then I’m sure I’ll love her.” Clarke replied.

“Hopefully not too much” Lexa said sarcastically, adding a quick wink.

Clarke smile devilishly, deciding to play along. “Well I just don’t know if I could help myself, I mean, even if she’s half as hot as you.” The blonde teased.

It didn’t matter how many times she thought it, it would never be enough. Clarke was in love with the way their dynamic and banter had progressed so beautifully, almost like a fine wine, it just got better with time. This was a part of their relationship that Clarke knew she would never tire from, and it was just another thing that made her fall a little bit deeper for the ethereal brunette beside her.

The way their dynamic could instantaneously shift from being so genuine and goofy to being saucy and sexy within a split second. It amazed Clarke to no end on how much the brunette still surprised her, how after months of culminated and built up feelings, she still had more to give, she still discovered feelings and emotions that she didn’t know existed, not with anyone. But they did with Lexa. Lexa was undoubtedly and undeniably her one.

 _I am in love with Lexa Woodsen_.

Clarke suppressed a giddy smile at the thought, hoping that Lexa hadn’t noticed. Of course she was wrong.

“What’s got you all soft and sodden?” Lexa questioned carefully.

“Nothing” Clarke teased in a tone that said she knew something Lexa didn’t.

The brunette huffed beside her but focused on the road ahead, Clarke’s hand still rested on top of hers above the gearshift. They were almost at the stadium when Lexa decided to take a mini detour just to test Clarke’s anticipation and impatience even more.

Lexa loved an impatient Clarke. There was just something about the blonde that reverted back to a frumpy little five year old princess whenever she was impatient about something. Honestly, despite the fact that Clarke abhorred the nickname “princess”, it was quite fitting.

Finally Lexa pulled into the car park outside of the stadium. Clarke recognised the surrounding paraphernalia almost immediately. The clothes, the beanies, the drink bottles, even the fan stickers on the back of peoples cars. She turned to Lexa dumbfounded, her jaw slack and her mouth ajar while Lexa watched on with a shimmer in her emerald eyes.

Slowly, Lexa pulled out two tickets from her jacket pocket and held them infront of the blonde. Clarke recognised them immediately as VIP sideline tickets and her mouth stooped even lower if that was possible.

This was it, she had to say it now. The emotions that she felt right now were off the chart, probably heightened from her excitement, but still. Indescribable feelings coursed though her veins and arteries, making it almost impossible to comprehend anything else in world except the magnificent being infront of her. She felt her face flush red at the overload of sensations but Clarke didn’t even care.

All she cared about or could even think about was the two, big, forest eyes infront of her, and those luscious plump lips just begging to be kissed. Without further hesitation, Clarke leaned in over the top of the centre console and placed her palm lightly itching at Lexa’s Jaw, cradling her face before she closed the space between them.

This kiss was different though. It was a kiss that was sweeter than life it self, like an electric spark that ignited every nerve ending in her body. There were so many things Clarke wanted to say, needed to say but all she could do was kiss. This was an “I love you” kiss, and Clarke made sure that Lexa knew that.

She gently flicked her tongue along Lexa’s bottom lip before the brunette granted her access and she eagerly chased Lexa’s tongue, lapping at her taste like it was the most glorious thing in the entire world. She sucked at Lexa’s lips while her tongue explored every milimetre of the girls mouth, not wanting to leave any part of her untasted or unravished.

Finally, Clarke pulled back, gasping for air and it was then she realised the arrows of heat being shot down to her pulsing centre. She quickly tried to suppress her urges by clenching her thighs together, trying to provide at least some friction to relieve the pressure. How on earth could the girl before her leave her in such a wanton mess from a simple kiss.

_Oh wait, I know..._

And it was then that she said it. Those three little words, because how could she not?

“I love you” Clarke rasped through a ragged breath.

Lexa pulled back with a surprised look, suddenly taken back and she actually let out a real hiccup. Like a legitimate hiccup, right after Clarke told her she loved her.

_Maybe she didn’t hear me?_

“Lexa? I love you” Clarke tried again, almost pleadingly.

Lexa just sat there, frozen solid. It was eerily reminiscent of the Skype conversation, except Clarke had actually said it this time instead of have a fit in the passenger seat.

* * *

The moment those three words left the blonde’s mouth, Lexa’s entire world paused. It rewound a few seconds and replayed. Then it paused, rewound and replayed. Again and again, those three words circled her mind, and not even the pleading cerulean eyes staring into her soul expectantly could pull her attention back.

Then again, there it was. Those three magical words accompanied by her name. Her own name.

_I’m not dreaming am I?_

This was definitely not a dream. The warm hand which had now found its way around her other cheek while Clarke’s thumb caressed her blush was entirely real. The girl infront of her was entirely real. _Her_ feelings were entirely real and those three words were entirely real.

“I love you!” Lexa half yelled through an excruciating need for oxygen.

Now it was Clarke’s turn to be taken back. The blonde physically winced at the loudness of Lexa’s voice and her eyes fluttered some before she settled back on a grin that was so completely Clarke, because of course Lexa would be the one who yells “I love you”, and of course Clarke would find it adorably amusing.

Both girls broke into a fit of giggles, the tension between them dissipating drastically.

“I love _you_ ” Clarke said again, for the third time because yes, Lexa was indeed counting. “I just had to say it because it’s true. I love you.”

 _Four_.

“You’re so amazing Lexa, everything you do or say. You’re so amazing and I love you—

 _Five_.

“—and I want to have you in every way possible, if you’ll let me?”

By the end of Clarke’s little speech, few tears escaped Lexa’s eyes so which Clarke gently brushed away.

“I... I would like that more than anything” Lexa stuttered through her sobs of happiness. “I know it’s not your birthday today but I want this to be just as special if it were”

“Oh Lexa” Clarke interjected. “Even if we were in a beat up old shack with absolutely nothing for miles, if you were with me then it’d be special. Every day with you is special, everyday with you is a gift and I love you”.

 _Six_.

Lexa gave a toothless smile before leaning in and kissing Clarke passionately once more. The kiss was over way too soon, but they had a game to see in VIP seats no less.

* * *

While Clarke couldn’t contain her excitement that she got to watch the _DC_ _Reapers_ play in the flesh, while in VIP seats, she found herself watching Lexa more than the game because absolutely nothing could compare to the girl.

Lexa was a vision and Clarke was captivated by her in every conceivable way that even the _Reapers_ couldn’t draw her attention away from the girl beside her. The multitude of expressions that crossed her face every time one of the players made a diving save or a winning spike.

The ferocity of the game was evident just by the faces Lexa was making. Just like a voiceless commentary, Clarke could tell exactly what was happening on court even if she wasn’t looking.

By half time, Lexa had picked up on Clarke’s little trick and decided just to pull faces for the fun of it, so Clarke would actually have to watch the match instead of herself. But Clarke only found it more endearing that Lexa could read her just as easily as she could read the brunette.

Ultimately, the game ended in a marginal win in favour of the _Reapers_ , and Clarke had the opportunity to talk with a few players from DCU, even the head coach about her scholarship. Overall it turned out to be the greatest gift Clarke had ever received, but that was only due to Lexa, and because this was the first time she had ever celebrated a birthday with the girl. Every other birthday was merely a preparation for this one.

The trip home seemed to go quicker than the trip there and before she knew it, Clarke was in her room with Lexa, the two girls barely an inch apart from each other and the brunette had a certain ‘want’ in her emerald eyes.

The house was empty which only fueled the intensity and desire between the two girls, the air between them electrostatically charged. Their mouths crashed together in a clash of lips, tongue and teeth, both girls trying to get the upper hand over the other.

Eventually Lexa relented, allowing Clarke to slowly back them into the bed. Once Lexa felt the bed at her calves, she sat, staring up at Clarke with adoration in her eyes. Clarke was mesmerised by the girl before her, she had never seen Lexa look so equally beautiful and vulnerable at the same time.

Her heart was pacing in her chest, and for the first time in a _long_ time, Clarke was nervous. Because it had been a long time since the last time she hooked up with anyone, and it was Lexa freaking Woodsen infront of her. The girl she loved, and everyone second with her Clarke was somewhat nervous. She slowly stepped in between Lexa’s legs and watched as the brunette’s iris’s disappeared behind her pupils and her kiss swollen lips parted slightly.

“You can touch me, if you want.” Clarke said, after she watched Lexa hesitate for a second, stopping her hand just shy from Clarke’s body.

Of course it would be okay for Lexa to touch her. It worried Clarke that she had to remind Lexa that it’s okay but then she remembered that this is a completely new experience for Lexa. So once again, she took the lead, despite the desperate cries from the parts of her hips and abdomen that had Lexa’s hands on them.

* * *

Lexa was a little more than curious to say the least, she was like a puppy in the rain for the first time in her exploration of Clarke’s body. She wanted to memorise every curve, every line, every freckle and every spot on the girl’s body. The blonde carefully pushed Lexa back on the bed after removing her jacket, and she tested a knee by the side of Lexa’s leg before waiting for any kind of consent to continue.

Once Lexa gave a curt nodded, Clarke eased up atop the girl, careful to remain only just hovering over the toned body beneath her so Lexa wouldn’t have to support her weight. Again Lexa’s pupil’s blew as she tentatively continued her exploration of Clarke, running her hands up and along the blonde’s sides, her fingers fluttering over Clarke’s sensitive rib cage.

Eventually Lexa started to pull Clarke’s top above her head, her hands and eyes were shameless infront of Clarke’s soft curves and milky skin. She traced the outline of Clarke’s curvy hips up to her her bra strap before she slowly let her hands wander over Clarke’s full breasts, administering a soft and temptation filled squeeze.

The blonde moaned softly, arching her chest into Lexa’s palms, every nerve ending in her body was on a fire at the stimulation and her clit was aching simply because Lexa had touched her, even over her clothes. Lexa experimentally brushed her thumb pad over Clarke’s clothed but erect nipple and Clarke let out a series of ragged breaths.

“Fuck Lex...” she gasped. “That feels...”

This was becoming _way_ too much stimulation, and Clarke was afraid that she’d come very soon if Lexa inadvertently kept this up. Of course it wasn’t her fault, and Clarke certainly didn’t want to let Lexa know the effect she was having on her so soon. For god sakes, the blonde was still dressed apart from a missing top, Lexa had barely even touched her and she was almost at the top of the incline to her orgasm. This had never happened. Well, not until Lexa came along.

Establishing some kind of control, Clarke grasped Lexa’s hands and pinned them above her head, eliciting a surprised gasp from the girl. It was becoming more of a discovery that Lexa may have liked being dominated a bit in bed, nothing that Clarke was prepared to act on now, but it was just an observation over her past but brief explicit encounters with Lexa.

Clarke leaned down over the top of the brunette, resting her buldging breasts atop Lexa’s through her shirt. She swiped her tongue at Lexa’s juicy lips, relishing in the taste before she trailed kisses down to the girl’s jaw. She began to nibble at her jaw and slowly made her way down to Lexa’s pulse point and sucked. Lexa was a writhing mess beneath Clarke, panting ragged breaths as Clarke released her pinned hands in favour of the zipper on her deliciously tight jeans. Because that’s what Lexa was in tight jeans, delicious, like a chocolate and whip cream cake that Clarke could devour.

She pulled Lexa’s jeans off with a little more trouble than she would have liked before she resumed her torturous suckling at the girls neck. Her hands however, began to wander along the sharp jut of Lexa’s hips teasingly, tugging lightly upward on the girl’s panties, pulling her panties against her straining clit teasingly but also to test her arousal.

Satisfied with the moaning below her, Clarke’s hands moved lower, and her fingers danced lightly along the insides of the apex of Lexa thighs as she continued to suckle a torturous path of blooming marks down Lexa’s sternum while keeping her cerulean orbs locked onto Lexa the whole time. The girl beneath her was canting her hips involuntarily upwards before Clarke finally took pity and settled her hand against Lexa’s clothed, wet centre, administering a firm rub between her legs.

The frictions was almost too much and too little simultaneously and Lexa couldn’t help but buck her hips violently in search for more, the stimulation against her pulsing clit becoming too torturous to handle. She almost wanted to yell at Clarke to knock off the teasing but the pleasure in her veins left her incapacitated, somewhat.

Before she even knew what she was doing, Lexa flipped Clarke over beneath her in one swift movement, a brilliant idea having hit her.

“Like this” Lexa rasped as she climbed atop Clarke, resting her aching, clothed centre against Clarke’s while haulting the blonde’s movements from stripping her so she could effectively straddle the girl.

Clarke was stunned at Lexa’s sudden turn of dominance, and realised that in the moment they were probably moving a bit too fast for Lexa’s comfort, and she didn’t want to make the girl feel uncomfortable at all. And if it meant having some teasing foreplay while clothed, then that’s what Clarke was prepared to do, even if it was against her better judgement.

But the fact that Lexa was being so confident and sensual right now was incredible. Clarke had no reservations to push her limits, certainly not with something like Lexa’s virginity, and certainly not when Lexa had started to grind herself along Clarke’s centre, seeking out her own friction while giving Clarke some.

Clarke’s panties gushed with new arousal as she rested her hands on Lexa’s moving hips to aid her, she was sure that it was evident through her jeans. At this rate, she would come well and truly before Lexa, so she gently sat up to finally remove Lexa’s top so her perky breasts were revealed. She pulled the panting girl’s arms around her shoulders for something to hold onto while she attached her lips to the soft swell above Lexa’s bra cup while her hands worked eagerly to undo the clip at the back.

Lexa’s breath came in harder with each thrust she made, and a bubbling feeling started in the pit of her stomach while the muscles in her thighs began to clench around Clarke’s. Her swollen clit was already aching each time she brushed it the right way, but she needed something else. Something else to push her over the edge. And it was as though Clarke knew exactly that because her bra was pulled away in a instant and Clarke’s lips attack her sensitive nipples.

Lexa released a cry of pleasure and another rush of heat from a centre as Clarke’s skilful tongue brushed in, around and over her stiff nipple in a teasing matter. Her grinding became even more frantic when Clarke’s hand came up to gently knead her right breast and roll the erect nipple between her fingers while her left was captured between Clarke’s teeth.

Her breathing was a erratic, her jaw slacked and her centre began to clench around nothing. Clarke recognised all this immediately and administered a teasing bite to Lexa’s nipple before pulling off and whispering, “come for me, Lexa”

That sent the brunette spiralling into the stars as white hot pleasure erupted from her centre already soaking panties. Her grip on Clarke only tightened throughout her release and Clarke gripped her as equally tightly, her eyes never leaving the indescribable face that Lexa wore when she came. It was almost as though she could feel the pleasure herself through some kind of sex osmosis.

She came long and hard and went limp on top of Clarke. Now she understood all the hype about sex, well not sex exactly but about orgasming. It was the most beautiful feeling in the world, almost like floating in the clouds. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what proper sex felt like after that, she couldn’t really do anything after that. The girl was absolutely exhausted, like all the energy had drained out of her when the white heat drained out.

_Gone with the heat._

_There’s a title for those kinky lovers_.

Lexa began to silently giggle at her joke when Clarke shifted suddenly underneath her. Warm hands came to cup her face and worried blue eyes peered into hers.

“Lex? Lex are you okay? Did I hurt you?” Clarke asked frantically. “Lex, are you cry— no you’re laughing. Why are you laughing?” Clarke looked genuinely baffled.

This only caused Lexa’s silent laugh to become vocal which worried Clarke even further. It must have been all the hormones, and the euphoria of her first orgasm.

“No I’m fine, I just thought of something funny.” Lexa replies through fits of laughter, to which Clarke scoffed.

“What am I going to do with you?” Clarke teased in a sultry tone.

Lexa’s laughter disappeared and a warm smile pulled onto her face. “Hold me?” She whispered.

Clarke’s heart did somersaults at the request. How can anyone be so damn adorable? She wanted nothing more than to hold Lexa in that moment and fall asleep having the brunette in her arms but she knew it wouldn’t be comfortable for anyone. She squeezed the thighs still straddling her, motioning for Lexa to get up.

“Come on. Not in these clothes”. Clarke enthused as she playfully swatted Lexa’s toned behind which was now on full display seeing as how the brunette shuffled off Clarke only to collapse on the bed.

Lexa smiled sheepishly up at Clarke through squinted eyes, already half asleep from the day’s activities. She didn’t remember much more after that though, just bits and pieces really. She remembered Clarke’s warm hands rolling her over to tug her ruined panties off. She remembered Clarke slipping some oversized shorts on her petite frame, and she remembered Clarke settling behind her in the bed as the covers were pulled up over them.

She remembered the warmth from Clarke’s chest, the tingle of her breath on the back of her neck, the faint smell of sex mixed with Clarke’s sweet scented perfume, and the feeling of her strong arms wrapped around her middle holding her close before everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late posting. I tried to get this out within the usual week but I became extremely busy and didn’t have time to write. Then I faced my first writers block of sorts. I’ve also been binge watching Supergirl... I have a massive crush on Melissa Benoist aswell as our Clexa beans of course ;) 
> 
> Anything I post I try to make of quality, so I didn’t want to just write for the hell of posting something in time. So sorry for the late post but hope you enjoyed the chapter and I hope you enjoyed the arrival of Anya!! Lexa and Anya’s friendship is something I will get into in following chapters as to why they are so close. (I have also brought Anya in at a pivotal moment - can anyone guess what it is?)
> 
> Also I brought Niylah in, I had to because I love Niylah. I’m deciding on whether or not to include her in later chapters aswell? Let me know if you guys would like that?
> 
> I love hearing feedback/criticism to improve my story always!! :)) (emphasis on criticism! Not on being a twit as I have seen a few people do, then delete their comments - this is not pointed at you though, my favourite criticiser, you have a certain grace about what you say. I actually miss your comments tbh) 
> 
> Until part two! 
> 
> P.S. I didn’t know how to explain how I envisioned Clarke’s ‘wave’ so I’m NOT making fun of people with cerebral palsy or Parkinson’s, Parkinson’s runs in my family so I’m not just taking the piss if anyone thinks otherwise.

**Author's Note:**

> Figured I should update this as discontinued. This fiction was one of my first ever written and my writing has evolved ten fold since this. To those who are coming along this just now (for some reason my older fictions have been resurfacing again), I apologise if you’ve enjoyed the few chapters I have posted, because this fiction is at its end.
> 
> I considered deleting this but I think it goes to show how much my writing has changed. It’s incredibly hard to please such a massive and opinionated fan base as a fan fiction writer, partly why I transitioned into Supercorp writing. There is less hostility and people are genuinely more accepting in that fandom than in the Clexa fandom. Obviously I didn’t just stop this one day over critical comments, but rather someone telling me I was either physically abusive or had been physically abused and should seek help. You know who you are and you’re a really crappy human being. The shame is still strong.
> 
> Apologies in advance to anyone who finds this and actually enjoys this as some people have, but this fiction will not be continued.


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